Oh no... First eruption in AIMST in just 2 months...

Things come and go like a flash of light. I never thought I would erupt so soon in AIMST. On Monday, there was a Chemistry lab session. As usual, Ken, Khim Yik and I would sit on one bench. On this day we had to do two experiments giving up to a total of three titrations to do. Ken suggested that he and Khim Yik would do the first two acid-base titrations while I do the second redox titration which involves the preparation of a solution of iron(II) ammonium sulphate. I agreed. When we wanted to tell Khim Yik our plan, Khim Yik told us his plan first. He asked Ken and I to do the one experiment while he and Vicky would do the second one.

I was kind of surprised to learn that Vicky is suddenly in our group. I told Khim Yik in a group, there can only be three members and the session before, I had already given our group memebers' names to Ms. Yuvarani, our lecturer and Vicky, obviously had already had his own group. Khim Yik said it is OK to have four people in our group but he would not listen. Ken told him also. Then he asked the lecturer. Then only he believed.

He asked Vicky to join Thomas, who was alone, but Vicky didn't want to. According to Khim Yik's explanation, he didn't want to make Vicky feel isolated, so he actually wanted to ask me to join Thomas instead. He did not explain to me his intention and he just plainly said: 'Why not you join Thomas?' Of course, hearing that without knowing his intentions, I got very angry! I thought, why should I leave the group because of a new member that you're bringing in? I felt chased away. I was very angry. I could have shouted but if I did, the lab session wouldn't be a nice one and it wouldn't run and end smoothly. I kept it to myself.

I came home that day and turned on the pc and chatted with a newly made friend. He had a strange name, or at least strange to my ears: Nelvin, or maybe he might have mistyped it. He lightened up my day and life a little. But Tuesday came and the whole morning, I was really hurt. Everytime I see Khim Yik's face or recall the incident, I felt a rage of fire in me and of pain in my heart! I spoke to Hui Ci, but in the end, I yelled telling her how I felt. Later that day, Khim Yik confronted me and everything was made clear then. I had a meeting with Zen Chia and we exchanged stories and we talked about Jason's birthday, and I suggested to pao angpow again... hahaha...

Today was another dreadful day. I roared at Hanis in the car because I told her not to touch the radio but she kept on switching it on... Haih... My new found friend is in KL. Everyone is in KL. Everything is in KL. This is what I have to pay for what I did in the past! I am doomed...

我爱的伊欲来离开。。。

我爱的伊欲来离开。。。
wa ai eh yee buey lai lee khui...

Leaving Penang Island after staying four days was kind of hard and heart-shattering for me though I was kind of glad at the same time. Going back to SP is another dread for me as I am still in room F4Q1B. Never before have I been in such a sizzling room, no different than my bedroom in Penang but what is worse, the room in F4Q1B is way far smaller... This year's intake for Pharmacy is full, so I have to wait for the one next year.

Finally 2 quizes were over, leaving behind 3 more to tread, and today, Mr. Hoe assigned us presentations and I got Phenylketonuria as the topic. Since he wanted us to present it and make a brochure out of it, I think it would be quite simple thanks to the trainings I had from UCSI, where I had to present for Microbiology, Pharmacology and Biostatistics, and also to make guidelines and brochure for Patient Counselling in Communication Skills. Not forgetting also the harsh way of Dr. Aishah pushing me in Biochemistry. I know, I've always been a fly that is waiting for the time to be squished and have already been in her eyes - hence I got the knowledge or at least the overview of Phenylketonuria.

Everything around me is stale to me. Nothing is colourful. Nothing is bright. Nothing is beautiful. Not in AIMST! I can tell you how miserable it is! To all those circle of friends in AIMST, King Ming and my dear little sister Hui Ci, thank you for your help and support all these while and I'm sorry your good intentions are brought to waste as my heart was already harden before this very day - I do not need so much time to adapt to the surroundings. To Khim Yik, thanks for bringing some meaning for me to be in AIMST. To Ken, thanks for creativity and fun that you brought into AIMST. To Kai Liang, thanks for bringing the 'air' of KL back to my life in AIMST. To Chew Weng, thank you for accompanying me in age.

There is one, who thinks she is very clever, always show her 'bak-pau' face. She is fair-skinned, but not pretty. She acts as if she is very pretty, and clever. Eh, sio cia... if you have not realised because you do not have a mirror, let me give you a mirror as a present for your birthday and I know it has just passed. A mirror so you can see and reflect your own thick-skinned face and realise how arrogant you are. I assure you, no matter how smart you can be in certain things, you will never be smart in all aspects, so this is my warning: don't be so arrogant! I will assure you this: I will teach and guide my little sister to beat you... NO! not beat you, to TRASH YOU!!! ! Especially in Chemistry!!! You will NOT beat any of my friends and least of all, my dear little sister!

This is not the place I wanted to be, but I have no other choice. How sad is it to learn that many Penangites there are VERY STUCK-UP! Islanders somemore! Several to many Chinese I encountered, even seniors, are really stuck-up! This is really a nightmare. I wish I won't continue be in this bad dream. Can you all not be more welcoming? Can you all not be more friendly? Can you all not be more polite and more approachable to people more elder than you all? I know I am OLD in this course! Even the seniors, nearly none is as OLD as I, or not even OLDER! Penangites... you disappoint me! My heart is hardened!

我爱的伊欲来离开。。。 You brought a smile to my face and you stimulate the release of dopamine in my synaptic cleft... You made me feel accompanied... wanted... loved... You brought light into the day and stars in the dark empty sky at night... But in the end, you walked out just like that and you left me all alone here... You do not even want to see me before leaving... 我爱的伊欲来离开。。。

半醉半清醒

人讲这世情著爱看乎透
一世人呒好一直辽

This week is one of the stupidest week in my life. I am glad I managed to finish my impromptu speech with a smooth hearthbeat. This week, I did not go back to Semeling, not even a day. AIMST is really breaking my heart. I was just trying to make friends with a "senior" (senior by education level in AIMST only, not by age... nobody in Foundation Studies is as old as I am, neither are they older... :(...)and he ignored me! Never before have I seen one so stuck up! I can say it aloud here as I don't think he will ever read my blog. Neither will any AIMST fellow students... Why do these problems rise up in AIMST? Why in the North? Why at places near Penang Island that I love so much? I think I cannot blame him also as my way of approaching him was not to his liking (yeah... refer to where he grew up then you'll know why... :(...) It is very hard to make friends here in AIMST... CB! I'm counting down the days...

This morning, AIMST held a Merdeka Celebration and the rehersal was yesterday, so I planned to come back to Penang on Thursday and return on Sunday, but since I asked some of my friends to come to Penang, then my plan changed to returning to SP on Saturday. However it wasn't good news for my mother who called on Wednesday night. I was sleeping when she called and she got angry and scolded me because I slept at about 6 to 8 p.m.. I overheard my father commenting also! Wei, papa mama, can't I sleep if I am tired? Then when I spoke to her about my home-coming together with my friends, she felt offended! She asked me: 'Oh, you return home only when your friends are coming...' You see, she doesn't understand me at all! She has feelings, no doubt, but do I not have feelings also? That is the reason I seldom go back to Penang. To be scolded? No! I would rather rot in SP. My love for my parents are getting more and more diluted nowadays.

I drove home from SP yesterday afternoon after having a filling porridge prepared by my aunt. I drove slowly via the north-south highway and it was the first time i drove at an average of 90 km/h as I had time and I do not feel like reaching home. When I reached Penang Bridge, and as I approached the island, I suddenly realised how beautiful the island was that day. If I wasn't driving, then I would had taken a snap. I couldn't really describe it but the sun ray was just nice making the island green and the waters blue. I finally had that kind of homely feeling. However, some of my friends disappoint me by cancelling their trip to Penang. I was so enthusiastic and went throught emotional moments just to bring them here but all was lost...

This morning, I went to Penang Free School. I saw Ms. Koay Suan See and Ms. Lim Siew Hong there with Ms. Go and Ms. Tan. After chatting with them, I went to Tesco (of all places) and I realised, it was really different from Tesco Sg Petani. It seems brighter here in Penang and classier... ahahaha... just psychological effect... Then returned home. At night, I went out with my cousin to Tesco again and later, to Jelutong Market to have my dinner there. It was quite nice to be in Penang actually, but not home. I should appreciate it but I really cannot. I'm through with it. As usual, the nightlife in KL haunts me again... Sue Zin! Wen Chian! Soon Yee! Sia Chin! Sing Shia! I want to go back and bring you all out to dinner and supper together! I want to go to Liquid together with you! I want to stroll in Bandar Tun Razak's Park! I want to sing K together! I want to de-shell prawns for you! I want to go MV together! I want to see leng zai together with you all!


你讲咱对爱呒通稍计较
搏感情著爱寸步留
每一暗总有人有泪无地流
也总有人将真心锁著著
人讲这世情著爱看乎透
一世人呒好一直辽
每一暗总有人呒敢过情关口
参像咱幸福还搁块风中飘渺
啊心块半醉半清醒
自己最明了
定定心事若到嘴口
又搁掺酒吞落喉
啊朋友当作阮是无聊
阮拢笑笑呒敢哮
爱情是无疼嫌无够
受伤又过头

The Music of the Night...

Hence comes again my imagination of the nightlife in KL... The soothing tin whistle and relaxing guitar of 一千年以前 takes me back to where I used to be with the CB-Sakais... If I had passed Biostatistics, I wonder how my life would be now. Through out this week, many things happened. Mostly unwanted...

Firstly, I got a call from my mother last week, saying that my grandfather nearly got killed by a bomb in Thailand. He was gambling mahjong as usual and thank God when he left, he forgot to take his mobile phone. Then the owner of the house where he played mahjong called him back, he turned back into the house, then came a KABOOM! His forgetfulness saved him that day. I was so shocked to hear the news. According to my grandparents, seven places were bombed at the same day but different time and mostly were banks.

Secondly, my ex-tuition teacher, Mr. Ooi was hospitalised. For what reason I do not know. I read it in my mother's email and I guessed it should be his Parkinsonism and low back pain that caused him to be admitted. I couldn't get back though as there were classes to attend.

Thirdly, my third attempt to switch room upstairs failed again! There was a strange student and he moved in on the day I wanted to illegally move in. Well, maybe I shouldn't illegally move in but it is really heart-breaking that I could not move up staying with people I'm comfortable with. Now, the black witch sandra bullock wants to reshuffle our rooms. Come on, you are the one who assigned rooms to us and when I requested for a change of room, you decline my request, and now you want to charge me for more and force me to shift if I refuse to pay yeah?! Black Witch!

Fourthly, one of my classmate, Jasmin Sofia, fell on the stairs and fractured her pelvic bone. She could hardly move and it was painful. The stewpid AIMST doctor asked her stewpid questions asking whether it is painful and whether she cried. Eh, the patient had already said it was painful and it is needless for you to know whether she cried or not! Treat her instead of asking her stewpid questions!

Fifthly, Zen Chia had finished her exams and she'd left for Penang... sob! sob!... I'm left here all alone in this cold world of... WAIT! not cold... hmm... burning hot cruel like hell world of AIMST... How sad am I to see some Indian students of C4A writing something not that nice... I am totally disappointed with them! This they wrote on the whiteboard of a lecture room: "AIMST is not for Chinese!" I am more than shocked to see them write this. How boiled I was at that time that I was tempted to step right up against them. However, they were too many and I am not strong enough... I was overpowered that time. Never before have I encountered such things in a college. Evem UCSI was not like this. I was there in Sedaya for one year and I have not seen such things happening. There were no discriminations... of course conflicts do exist but not such discriminations.

Sixthly, I am trying my best to save money to get something I really really like now and I'm trying not to spend even a cent so that I could get my hands on that thing by November this year. However, things don't go smoothly as usual. Thanks for my kindheartedness and careleseness, I bought the wrong file for Caleb. He told me he wanted the file like King Ming's but I heard that he wanted the file like that of Khim Yik's. So, I have to 'makan' the file myself... not only this, there are many other incidents that make me couldn't save...

At least there is one happy thing: Khim Yik's birthday. We bought him a Secret Recipe Oreo Cheese Cake and a birthday card. Hope he liked them. My friends had quite a great time playing and celebrating, good for them. They spashed him with water and pushed his face onto the cake. Kai Liang and I were just going to scare him by applying slight pressure onto his head when he lifted the candle using his mouth but King Ming pushed his head into the cake - OH! gone! Secret Recipy cake!!! Gone with the Wind!... I tried to have a good time too but it was very tiring. My body aches until now. That was why I yelled during lunchtime at Aman Jaya and everyone look at me. I was eating and my shoulders were already in pain and Phiaw Chong squeezed my shoulders. I shouted in pain quite loud and he stopped for a while. Then suddenly, he continued to squeeze and I felt it became more painful. I couldn't endure anymore and I yelled. There was a sudden silence and everyone was like looking towards me.

I am tired... very tired of my life here... Now I'm threading through Uncertain Paths... Meeting people I do not wish to meet... Encountering things I don't like...

Take Me Back... Allow Me To Go Back... Please... I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

Today... was a fine day... It rained in the morning, suddenly Hui Ci came to me and asked me some questions. Nowadays, I admit that I'm not having a great time even when I visited Tupah or Tanjung Dawai or Lembah Bujang or Pantai Merdeka with great people like King Ming, Hui Ci, Ken, Khim Yik, Kai Liang, and Pei Wen... How glad I was to see Zen Chia when I was about to attend Maths Lecture today. I asked her whether she wanted to go Central Square with me later, she agreed... After Maths, I went to Central Square with Zen Chia and Khim Yik. I was there to get cards for two of my friends while Zen Chia was there for food, else Khim Yik was there for a hair cut.

I was driving back from Semeling to Sungai Petani at around 7:18 p.m. and I suddenly saw the clouds in the sky. I noticed that they looked like horses, snowy-white horses, prancing through an azure cascading sky blended with a paste of tangerine as the sun westerned. My heart flew back to where I used to be last year. I would be at Connaught's playground, sitting on the swing, with the wind blowing against my face while I looked up towards the sky, appreciating the evening pink sky.

Where and to whom can I speak freely of my dual personality? To speak freely of my P-life? Without fear of people shying away or condemning! Without people discriminating me! Without having to hide who I am! Without people treating me differently and with fear! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!! Sia Chin! Sing Shia! Soon Yee! Sue Zin! Wen Chian! Where are you now? Hui Zhong! Ah San! David! Jo-Lyn! Xin Thien! Robin! Where am I now? Shin Min! Cai Hong! Jon! Geok Im! Min Ran! What am I doing here in AIMST? Xiang Bin! Max! Fansu! Ching Mun! Jason! Mun Kit! Should I have done Chemistry in UTAR? Prof. Dr. Zab! Dr. Thet! Ms. Saw! Ms. Wong! Ms. Lilian Leong! Dr. Hadi! Which path should I have taken?

I cannot let go of the past! How long more should I need? Every night, memories of the past haunts me. The night life, the traffic jam, the lights, the lifestyle, even the environment at the roadside comes to me. I felt as if I was still there. I felt as if I was strolling in the parks of Bandar Tun Razak and Amcorp Mall in the evenings while Lost World in the nights. When I went to Tupah with Ken, King Ming, Hui Ci, and Kai Liang, I felt I was taken back to Bandar Tun Razak's park of Tasik Sri Permaisuri with Sue Zin, Wen Chian, and Sing Shia, strolling under the shades of the trees. When I was in Tanjung Dawai and Pantai Merdeka, I thought of Geok Im and I walking at the periphery of the lake in Amcorp Mall's park. Tears would flow out automatically but I used a psychological tear gland inhibitor, telling myself that I should be lucky to be able to be in AIMST. However, I am cheating myself... Sadly, I am! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!