Love Story...

Everyone's got their very own Love Story, and this does not exclude people of the dark side. Being one form the dark side, I have got a cold personality. I dislike more than I like. There are many things as well as people that I would normally dislike at first sight or at first impression.

I do not have super sensors of emotions of people around me which some of my friends greatly desire. However, I do have the ability to know the personality and character of that person even at first sight and it is nearly always correct! It is by time that I come to accept something or someone.

There are people who hide their interests. Certain people tend to deny things that are superbly proven. Some pretended to be innocent. A handful do not want to accept the fact that they are in love or favour one over another. Others are just fooled by the mere appearances & sweet talks. And last but not least, some are forever after the one they lust but will never get them no matter how many targets they change. Well, these are a few things that contribute to uncountable love stories existing today.

Thursday, 15th October 2009 - The day the KFC gang came to Penang. They came for food & entertainment. I met up with them for a brief period of time, mostly at Hard Rock Hotel & Cafe. Well, I don't really find Hard Rock that interesting, but they were kinda obsessed with it. I was joined with my cousin.

Vain...

Saturday, 17th October 2009 - Once again, Karaoke session. This time it was with Ai Ling, Han Yang & Wee Keat only. Thanks to someone who flew our airplane, we had to pay one head extra! It was mostly English songs we sang this time as all of us were bananas. To identify the song by the title in Chinese characters was tough enough, let alone reading the lyrics. After the music session, we went to Old Town New World Park for history lessons.

Tuesday, 20th October 2009 - Bzzt... bzzt... My cell phone vibrated. It was from someone I am fond of - Autumn. She asked me to collect something from her when my class ended. However, things didn't go very well according to plan. I drove to school that morning but due to the 5-hour gap in between, Big Berd & Epinephrine wanted to go back home, therefore I let them take my car back and Big Berd drove hers when returning to the campus. Kingston drove too with a 247.

My initial plan was to follow Big Berd to deal with reactivating my DiGi prepaid line since it was nearly 90 days since I left it untouched. However, Jelly Cockroach wanted us to have KFC with him since it was Tuesday (he had a stewpid 25% off member card). So after Big Berd had done with her oral cream thingy, we went to Tesco Extra SP. I thought it would only be for a while, so I told Autumn that I would take only half an hour to get to her. Little did I know, the KFC gang wished to lepak in Tesco.

There wasn't much option for me but to wait. Autumn then said she left the stuff on her gate. It kept me thinking what she was going to give me. My imagination went wild. Could it be that she saw my blog and wanted to end our relationship? Did she intend to give me back what I gave her last time? Or was it food? My heart was not at ease.

Finally when it came the time to leave Tesco, I followed Big Berd. When we reached Autumn's house, I jumped down & grabbed the small black plastic bag she left at the gate. It smelled something familiar - nangka!! It was a fruit which I ate & had diarrhoea when I was young. Thereafter, I dared not take even a single bite any longer.

Reaching home, I unwrapped the black plastic to reveal the contents...

The contents...


Nangka - the most obvious...


Rock cakes - really hard as rocks...


Anchovies...

These made up my dinner that night. Luckily I did not eat KFC earlier. I ate the nangka since they were given by Autumn and they were strangely sweet - as sweet as Autumn. Big Berd took 2 nangka & a rock cake from me. Next, I moved on to finish the anchovies. Frankly speaking, I don't like anchovies, but the chilli paste was Sectumsempra-prerfectly done! It made me crave for more indeed.

I left the rock cakes for the following day since I was already full. I would actually be delighted to thank Autumn for these things she gave. She made the anchovies with her mum. It was like a relationship renewed. It took me back to the times I used to cook and shared with her as she did the same for me too. She partially lightened up my dark gloomy day.

After the lovely dinner I went to my computer to update a few things. There was suddenly a MSN message approaching. It was from someone called Mee Sua. This Mee Sua was rather new to me and we chatted for some time. I felt some fondness with this Mee Sua and I am comfortable chatting with this Mee Sua. We kept in touch for a few days and it had been going on for so good so far. Mee Sua thus enhanced the glittering of my day. Thank God for sending two sweet Angels to me - Autumn & Mee Sua.

Present - The Pharmacy programme had been giving me a headache this semester as there are too many industrial subjects. I admit I'm more of a clinical person rather than industrial. If given a choice for me to choose a character in a game, I'd go for defensive might, healing or support over offensive might. Several lecturers were giving me a tough time. I slept late last night, around 3 a.m. and woke up at 6 a.m. with a light head. I had Pharmaceutical Technology viva this morning and it was hell! I did manage to answer almost all the questions though.

With all the things happening & people I'm meeting, I'm struck yet again with a divided heart. Though there is a sweet music running in my head, I have mixed feelings. I hate. I love. I miss. I'm anxious. I'm confused. What is going on?

pure white rose - pure love...

Today is a winding road,
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa,
Today in the blink of an eye,
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried...

I tried to read between the lines,
I tried to look in your eyes,
I want a simple explanation; what I'm feeling inside,
I gotta find a way out Maybe there's a way out...

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know youre unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I don't wanna ever love another,
You'll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
And bring on the thunder...

Today is a winding road,
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know, whoa,
Today I'm on my own,
I cant move a muscle and I cant pick up the phone, I don't know...

And now I'm itching for the tall grass,
And longing for the breeze,
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe,
I gotta find a way out,
Maybe there's a way out...

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I don't wanna ever love another,
You'll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain...

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope,
I'm wrapped up in vines,
I think Ill make it out,
but you just gotta give me time,
Strike me down with lightning,
Let me feel you in my veins,
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain,

Today is a winding road,
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know youre unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I don't wanna ever love another,
You'll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
And bring on the thunder,
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know youre unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
Oh baby bring on the pain,
And listen to the thunder...

Mid Autumn 2009...

Wednesday, 30th September 2009 - this is a hectic day for me. My parents prepared steamboat (火锅/暖炉 - note the Hokkien pronunciation of steamboat is "loh/炉" which is the same as "heoh loh"/香炉) to offer prayers to Tua Pek Kong (大伯公) as the following day would be the day to send the incense pot (香炉) back to the temple. So on this day, I could not do my own things as I had to help my parents preparing for the "loh" (炉). That night, many aunties from Lam Wah Ee came over. It was an experience to mix with these aged but crazy people (you should have seen what they did in Hadyai - aggressive =.=").

Mid autumn 2009 (3rd October 2009)... What did I do? let's see, went to Queensbay to look for mooncakes but found none. After that, I had karaoke session with the infamous wizards & witches of Penang - Wee Keat, Han Yang, Inn Cheq & Ai Ling. It was very long indeed since we last karaoked together. They had the capability to curse the original artistes. Last time I heard, they actually selected Michael Jackson's songs to sing. They accidentally selected a few songs twice & what happened the next day? Michael Jackson was dead. THEY KILLED MJ!!

This time, we sang at Oriental KTV instead of RedBox. Well, I have to admit that although Oriental KTV's sound system is not as good as RedBox's but the food & services are way much much better in Oriental KTV. Anyway, the session was fun because this time, we sang not only popular hits, but also oldies (English & Chinese oldies including dialects). We even edited some songs & assigned theme songs to some people. Han Yang was assigned "對面鼓的 aunty 看過來" (a variation of "對面鼓的女孩看過來").

Since there were lack of people with the ability to reach Simplified Chinese let alone Traditional Chinese (except for Inn Cheq), most of the songs selected were mainly in English. There were quite a number of Chinese songs somehow, mostly by Inn Cheq & I, with Ai Ling sometimes, but we (Ai Ling & I) sang based on our memory of the songs. After 4 hours of music, we went for supper. Damn! My throat was as coarse as sand.

Also, this mid autumn I got a mooncake from my friend. Wow~ I'm seriously honoured. One of the very few times my friend would give me mooncake. Well, you cannot blame me. I'm not favoured by many people that encountered me. They see me as a mysterious substandard person. Many despise these type of people. Therefore, I'm grateful to God that I have friends still. Thank you very much Mr. P! haha.

There is a tale to be told about this mooncake. It was divided into 8 equal pieces by Mr. WhyWhy Tan. I ate one piece, WhyWhy ate one. Then when Kingston & Wonky returned, it was learned that Kingston soot one piece. It was uncertain whether Wonky ate or not because nobody ever knows what he was doing. I called Epinephrine to come over to eat her share. Also, not forgetting Big Berd. Both came like penguins hopping to get fed (& FAT). Big Berd took 1, Epinephrine took 2, leaving 2 pieces behind. Kingston came down & soot another one leaving one last piece. WhyWhy came down and saw the last piece & he siezed it not knowing Wonky had not eaten any. At the same time, Epinephrine asked Wonky to descend the floor to get his last piece of mooncake. Wonky came down only to find nothing was left for him.

Tuesday, 6th October 2009 - this day, I did not have any mid semester examination paper to sit for but I followed Yean Yong to school thinking that there were long afternoon classes. I wore black shoes, black socks, black slacks, & black shirt with a silver tie. Never would I wear a tie simply but this day was too special to me. This day, was the third anniversary of me meeting someone. She might had forgotten it, I do not blame her. I am no longer important to her now & never anymore in the future.

We used to be very close during the first stage. It was fun to have someone to share problems with, to have dinner with, to explore this God-forsaken land together, and to sing together. Her absence was like a missing melody in my duet of life. However, I was very stupid to have told her my darkest personality. I thought I didn't want to lie to her then. What is worse, we had a very big misunderstanding during the middle stage of our companionship which contributed to the destruction of our relationship.

I was deeply hurt by her actions & impressions she had about our misunderstanding. I actually had feelings for her, but due to my darkest personality, I kept myself away from her thinking that it would be cheating if I were to get closer to her. I tried to talk to her regarding this but my darkest personality prevented me from doing that. Many times I tried talking to her but her responses made me rebound.

I was a pussy. I was afraid that she would shun away from me if she were to know someone as filthy as I am were to have feelings for her. It was not until this year that I mustered all my courage, thinking I was ready to tell her, but the fact that she already had a boyfriend just so recently shattered my whole cast of courage. Hope was lost. I had forgone everything for someone who had already been taken.

Funny it was that I should feel jealous. It was then that I found out that I actually fell in love with her. I realised it too late. Everything was gone now. I could not even tell her that I loved her now. It should remain as a silent one. I could only see her from afar, help her as she would allow. So close yet so far.

庙口的街角
还在演着陌生熟悉的歌仔戏
看戏的人也只有零星的聚集
辛苦的似乎需要更多的鼓励嘿~

人生如戏

每一出戏里总会有一个自己

就算只剩一个人也要演下去

像一出没有对手的对手戏

一瞬间闪过好多画面
我还想再看到你熟悉的脸
我感觉的到我对你将永远永远的思念
为何你离我远去

又为何你没有消息

是否可以不再为了你哭泣

我想你可能已经全都忘记

但我还在缅怀你我的过去

虽有很多风雨我存在记忆体

戏还没演完你就要离去

一瞬间闪过好多画面
我还想再看到你熟悉的脸
我感觉的到我对你将永远永远的思念
为何你离我远去

又为何你没有消息

是否可以不再为了你哭泣

我身骑白马走三关

改换素衣回中原

我在梦中找无你

我的心已经跟你去

不知影何时返来元身边 已经不在

我想你可能已经全都忘记
但我还在缅怀你我的过去
虽有很多风雨我存在记忆体
戏还没演完你就要离去

还有没有时间能继续下去
不要到最后我还在这里
还在相信这是我们的戏
而你是我的唯一

Evil & Darkness Rising...

My days run darker as I age. Smiles are rarer than frowns. Laughters are even tougher to come by than smiles. Everyday, I feel the burden getting heavier and heavier. My personality is driving me mad. The fact that I'm the only child in the family is pressuring me harder every single day.

Difficulty is there when I cannot mingle well with my circle of friends. They are getting well with each other but I'm not getting well with them. It is as if there is a feeling that they hate me. I know I'm way inferior by the way I look, dress, communicate and perform academically. I tried to open up myself to them but somehow, there seems to be a barrier and I ended up scorned. I always blamed it on communication.

I tried to be kind but they don't seem to care or to appreciate. I controlled my temper but it is not enough. People still hate me even I control my temper or not. Is it because that I'm born into this life of hatred that I have to suffer? Is it because you all have heard about the other side of me? Niama eh kong leh! If you have, and if you despise me, pray hard that your future generations aren't born with life like mine. I tell you the truth, it is not my choice to be born in this life. If I could choose, I wouldn't have chosen it. NOBODY would!

Not merely friends. My juniors too. Am I that bad a senior? Why do I see fear in the eyes of those I talk to? At times I see disgust in their eyes. It is as if I'm a disgrace to them and they're ashamed to be related to me. Some seniors too looked down upon me. Just because of that incident that had happened 3 years ago, I lost many of my seniors' confidence. Even my grandmother's.

People see me as a dark person at first sight. Even after I've done many things to try to set things right, they still have that kind of bad impression on me. What could I do? I've been nice before. Now? FUCK IT. You're looking for a bad guy? I'm here.

I was not like that before. The CB-Sakai people will know. I used to be relatively warm, caring and noble last time. Last time, back at the Central Valley, I used to shell prawns for my friends. I cooked for my lecturer & friends. I played music for my friends. I could actually lend my proper mobile phone to my coursemate while I used a defunct phone. Now? MaPuKi you do the shelling. You do the cooking. You entertain me. And I won't lend anything to anyone, defunct or not. Nabeh! I'm not boasting. I know I've changed to a far more terrible person now. Now I'm cold, evil, selfish, unkind with a dark personality. This is what you all thought about me isn't it?

Why should I be kind and sporting? You were not sporting. You were a PUSSY and still are a pussy. When there was a complaint about certain things, you were one of the loudest. Kaninabu! But when it came to the time to come face to face with the problem, (to put it in a proper way) you shied away, otherwise, (in a direct way) you chickened out (Hokkien ue kio kan-kay).

Why I chose to be cold and not to be friendly? Simply because some people here are multiple-faced pontianaks. This does not exclude you, my dear. When there is a need for us, or when there is a benefit to be extracted from us, you will come to us and be nice, warm and friendly to us. You speak in our tongue in order to "jek" us so that we would let our guard down. Your speeches are usually layered (berlapik-lapik). Bin phuey pni cibai kao! You use your soft, delicate, charming, artistic, and poetic, but predictable lines on us just to persuade (force) us to do as told (ordered) by you. You're just so "eat chicken near chicken, eat duck near duck" (ciak kay ua kay, ciak akk ua akk).

When you finished using me, what will you do to me? One word - DISPOSE! Wow, I didn't know you're that environmental friendly. At this time, I am made of glass. If i'm not made of glass, I'm invisible (<-highlight to reveal). Whenever things turn out to be good, it is always your good, benevolent doing even though your saint self have naught to contribute and you've contributed nothing. When things go amiss, you start pointing fingers. Kao lin ah? Point fingers to 'cucuk' people's backside ah?

You are a hypocrite! Fire-stones are way more beautiful than you are! I may be foul-mouthed by complaining about what you have done, but I am telling the truth nonetheless. However, what you're saying about me is all way out of course! People build castles in the air but you, you build meteors in the air, causing havoc at the earth down below. Watch out as one day, I may send a hailstorm back to you as to return you your noble favour.

You only know how to save your own foul skin. FUCK IT! The only thing you're good at is charms and using people as your pawn, to block bullets for you. I warn you this, repent, or else flee, if you value your foul skin!! You have not seen the worst of me, yet! Limpek Kan Ka Lu Khi Thi Ah!!!

A Turning Point...

'Twas long ago since I've last waved my blog with dull, monotonous & dry words. Well, it had been a rather tough year that I've went through. It may not appear to be physically tough to all of you but it's mentally & emotionally taxing to me.

2nd year BPharm was kinda boring. Seriously, I do not think that AIMST BPharm programme is really good. To be honest, it is far from the standard BPharm programme in Malaysia. Imagine this, a 3rd year student knows nothing about Pharmacotherapy except classifications of Autonomic Drugs, and, we learn Medicinal Chemistry before being exposed to Pharmacology. However, I cannot really say it out loud, therefore I sometimes I find myself telling people that: "To be completely honest, I'm a liar."

Lecturers we had of different qualities and quantities. The industiral lecturers seem to keep going away while the clinical lecturers seem to keep on coming. We had a range of interesting and terrible lecturers - Bird's Nest Head, Snoopy Ratio, Magic Mushroom Addict, Rabid Dog, and even our very own Tweety Bird and Apom Sin @ Pancake Spirit (Aponm Sin - read in Hokkien, well I'm sure you know what apom means, and "sin" means god/diety).

Even some of the 'teachers' are of substandard products. Of course I'm a way-below-average Pharmacy student, but sometimes, it is very annoying to find that a Clinical Pharmacist had to teach a Pharmaceutics subject (i.e. Physical Pharmacy). Fine, exemption given to HER for teaching a pharmaceutics subject, but as a Clinical Pharmacist, could she not know the mechanism of action of phenoxybenzamine and phentolamine?

Enough of the academic side, I don't even want to say anything about the laboratory session. Only one word I can say - FUCKED! Well, I had moved out from my aunt's house and hostel. I moved into a house together with 3 other of my coursemates, need I mention their names? Fine, they are "Sean Kingston", "Why Why Tan" & "Wonky the fairy". Should I say that they are lovely housemates? For my part, I can say that they are fine despite we all know that there will always be conflict arising when staying together in one house. Thank God my housemates are not worse than they are now. I've heard of many worse and more terrifying tales accounted, both in KL & SP.

Many asked me why I moved out while I could had had the luxury staying with my aunt, but none knows what tyrant dwells in that fair house. I hope my aunt won't blame me for saying this, but it is the truth. She knows that also. And, I'm pretty sure that she will be way happier that I'm away and no longer a burden to her.