Conflicts & Harmony~

Once Jinjang was over, it was back to Hospital. Oh my GaGa, I was to work in IPD once I'm back to Hospital. To be frank, I actually tried to convert my 2-week IPD to Clinical when I was in DIS. One reason is due to my love for Clinical, and I felt that I had only 7 weeks to appreciate Clinical which is not enough for me. This could be considered unusual among us housemen since Clinical is one of the most disliked unit of all. But I felt that it was unfair that the 2 extra weeks available was given to IPD. Also, I realised that during this time, many housemen were stationed in IPD, so I would not be needed that much. However, nothing was done because all of us knew that it was a little difficult to do so unless this issue was brought up to the Chief.

I was unhappy, but it was my duty to work in IPD. So, what to do? Back to old IPD times. Basically, I'd prefer doing screening, so I did. At least the unit showed some improvement and order, but it still sucks. I still came early to clear off what was accumulated the day before and to do check-and-founds for dangerous drugs. Many said I'm HARDWORKING, but at the same time FOOLISH to do such things. I can remember clearly an OPD lady commenting that, and another OPD lady scolding me for this and that.

Well, that's what others say. Enough of what others were saying. This is what I AM going to SAY: I'm NOT hardworking, and neither am I foolish. I know my own limits and ability. While I'm in that unit serving that unit, I shall do my best to make the unit flow smooth and keep the unit safe from harm. I'm not a manager, nor am I a senior. I cannot order people around me to do this or do that. I'm at the bottom, at the base of the hierarchy. Of course I have to settle them myself. I'm just doing my part to do what's best for my unit. Is it because the appreciation is not there that people don't wish to make the department better? Or that there's no appreciation shown? If so, why hasn't the unit leader realise this? And if the leader does, why has nothing been done to handle it?

Thanks to the weekend and public holiday shifts, my off hours accumulated to a total of 51 hours, and still coming. Time to claim some off after Hari Raya festival. Went to see the almighty Lady Guna for off, both my colleague and I (48 hrs & 51 hrs respectively). Well, I really needed the off since my research was crashing (we had to redo nearly everything in like 1 week), but my colleague was afraid that with my competition, she wouldn't be able to claim her off, saying that that was the only chance for her to claim off, and never again she could claim thereafter. As if I had any chance to claim off after that, and mine was obviously more than hers.

The way she put it was as if it was the end of the world for her, so when we asked for of, I didn't mention anything about my research thing, and was just trying my luck (with no hope of getting it). Lady Guna was reluctant to approve our time off despite having 8 housemen around that time, saying that it was too short a notice for her. I got quite irritated with her statement. There was once in April that I actually asked off/leave from her a month in advance. She was reluctant to approve it, or even acknowledge it, saying that it was too far ahead for her to decide. Thus I waited another fortnight and followed up with her. Guess what she said? "Oh, I'll not be around this time, so you should seek my second-in-command for it."

My colleague was adamant in claiming her off, but Lady Guna was still reluctant, saying that she shall see if she'll be able to release her the coming evening. I thus placed my leave file back to the cupboard, and Lady Guna made a statement that sounded like, "Hey, do you not want your off?"

"I want it, but it's alright Madam," I replied showing that I've lost faith in my expression.

"Then put your leave file on my desk!" she said.

Of course I felt it on her desk even though we all knew that the answer would be "no" as putting my file into the cupboard would show disrespect and defiance. In the end, she approved my colleague's off for 3 hours, and froze my off, apologising to me saying that she couldn't give me any off. I told her that it was fine only because I already knew that there's no way that I could get any off from her, and that my heart was already prepared for it. My colleague even taunted me saying that I could actually keep my file without any off claimed. What can I do? Continue with life.

It was thus the toughest phase of my Housemanship where research and work clashed. Research was important but work does not come second. It was very difficult as we had to reconstruct our research objective, results, and discussion in one short week. I needed a miracle. My research partner was eager to help but she couldn't help much since she knew only a little regarding our research and how it should be, despite her being the one who discussed with our Deputy Chief and research supervisor (well, I had to cover for screening that time, couldn't leave the other houseman alone). Well, I couldn't cover and complete everything in time, so I ORDERED her to redo the Introduction part as well as to update and edit the Results part. She gave me more work instead. Of course I showed my dissatisfaction.

Please understand, I didn't sleep for 2 working nights doing just the slides, I had to take up the Results and Discussion part because she just couldn't handle it. Hence, of course I would delegate the Introduction through Methodology part for her to do, and expect an improved version. To my dismay, it needs great editing - because of what? Language. However, at least she was there all time along to help out, which is a lot better than someone else who wasn't even there for you at all. The presentation was a joke. I hated one of the judge's guts, but I was glad it was over. I got a good sleep right after the presentation even while I was in the hall. I didn't care anymore.

Oh my, I totally forgot that I was in Clinical. Being one of the only 2 housemen in Clinical, we gotta do bedside dispensing for 6 Clinical Wards, if not, the IPD housemen would have to do it for us. I've been in IPD before and I really felt how it was like. Workload was already a lot, so I do not think that it would be a good idea to let them do all the dispensing though I had to do CP1 clerking. What could I do? Ward rounds during the morning, dispensing during the afternoon, and CP1 clerking after work in the evening. That was how I ended up finish keying in everything at 10 pm.

I had to. I had no choice. I had not even done one CP2 at all. What was more fascinating, Pn. Fad, my preceptor for that week, had to go for TDM course and I was to be up in the ward rounding with doctors alone. Scary. The female medical ward was one of the most pleasant wards around, with much friendly nurses around. Most of the house officers were pleasant, except one. Medical officers, cool, except one. Specialists, I've only experienced with one. Nonetheless, I did whatever I could for the good of my unit, and I'm proud to do it for Clinical since it is the love of my life.


So this is what you meant
When you said that you were spent?
And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit right to the top
Don't hold back
Packing my bags and giving the Academy a rain check

I don't ever wanna let you down
I don't ever wanna leave this town
'Cause after all this city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand?
I'm never changing who I am

This road never looked so lonely
This house doesn't burn down slowly
To ashes! 
To ashes! 

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand?
I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand?
I'm never changing who I am