Goodbye Year 3... I'm Still Not Free...

Goodbye to year 3... I'm kinda glad this semester as well as this year is over, but I'm not happy that I've gained a year older too :(... Well, the third year in this course is not an easy one for me. The first semester was hell!! I was distracted by some people, trying too hard to blend in with them, and in the end, I flunk my exams. The second semester was in a way relatively better but never much improvement.

Academically, this semester required us to take 5 subjects altogether: Pharmaceutical Analysis, Hospital Pharmacy, Pharmacology III, Applied Therapeutics, and Research Project. Hospital Pharmacy was supposedly a subject I should like, however, it was boring and somehow not too much of my type of subject suddenly. Pharmacology III, as expected, I love it. This time, it focused on CNS Pharmacotherapy & Antimicrobial Therapy. Pharmaceutical Analysis is the subject I dread most as it is the most technical & most industrial in this semester. Last but not least, the 4-credit-hour sinister Applied Therapeutics... You can say that I like it but I'm not good in it. Imagine, having to study all in one semester while UCSI students study Pharmacotherapy I & Pharmacotherapy II in 2 separate semesters...

4 packs big, 2 packs small + heh ci + poh pia

White Queen Laksa


Heh ci + Poh pia

The Research Project took a big toll on us. I was in a group together with Shirvine as our leader and Wei Yan, and guess what? We're under the supervision of the legendary Ms. Dayana. Our research was on Drug-Drug Interactions and we were to go to the hospital to collect data from patients' prescriptions. Other than prescriptions of patients, we have to collect every essential history of the patient, i.e. patient social history, medication history, complaints, radiographic records, laboratory records, temperature, blood pressure & other related readings. In one month, the Princess asked us to collect more than 100 patient case sheets. Well, Bernice's group has to collect more than 300, but I'm not sure whether they include every single patient history or not. What is more demanding, that Princess asked us to go to the ward and interview the patient directly. How could we do sooooooooooo many things in one month? We were only allocated three days to go to the hospital, and there were so many things to copy since that Princess asked us to copy EVERYTHING be it useful or useless.

What's worse, the Princess blamed us for not being serious and not being responsible to go to the hospital even during weekends. I was even told by the pharmacist that we should adhere to closely to the statement that we only to go to the pharmacy to collect our data according to the application letter that was stated 3 days a week. How nice, during weekends, the pharmacists are not around, so how are we supposed to access the database? Moreover, there was only one pharmacist kind enough to help us - the Clinical Pharmacist, Ms. Chai Nyen Chiaw. There were some "windy" pharmacists as well who were those typical high-heels wearer, with curly Maggi-type permed hair with a big queenly attitude. Approach them on a bad windy weather and you'll end up in the tornado vortex. There was also one legendary fierce & fearsome ICU pharmacist called Ms. Tang Yi Woei, though she could be friendly sometimes. Strict I should say.

Actually, the Princess didn't really guide us on what to do, so we just relied on books to tell us about drug interaction, yes, it was her idea to conduct this research. All our ideas were rejected completely and totally. We had no other choice but just to keep up with her nonsense. Frankly speaking, I do not really know what I was doing until the end of the research. We ended up doing the research badly according to Mr. Nazeer Ali. During the presentation, we were shot with many unanswerable questions because we were not well prepared. It was our first time doing such a research and Mr. Nazeer Ali was right about us not knowing what we were doing. The only thing I learnt from this were just some simple drug-drug interactions and that we were supposed to do more reading. Also, one "BIG" secret I found out from this research is that, our beloved Princess does not know anything about research, let alone therapeutics and unit-dosing.
The research did actually help me answer a 1-mark question in my Applied Therapeutics final exam, that is the interaction between a sulphonylurea and beta-blocker.

Chinese New Year 2010 was quite a relaxing one for me as I didn't have to do too many things XD. Also, I did not have to visit too many relatives. Reunion dinners were as boring as usual but mahjong is a different story XD. I skipped quite a lot of lectures during the 15 days of CNY. This year, instead of my mother, I invited some of my good friends for "makan" during the 7th day of CNY. My parents were off to Thailand to help my grandmother to pray to "Thi Kong" while I remained here hosting the feast. No pictures to show yet because Ms. World hadn't send me the pictures we took that night. Anyway Ms. World & Dr. Machine Lim were there, Ms. Earth and Ms. Global were also there. Not forgetting Chin Leng, Keat Suk Suk & Auntie Yang. My cousin, Pang Har was also there. Pang Har & I left for a while in the middle of the feast to attend our nephew's birthday. Other CNY activities include going to Chew Jetty with Ms. World & Dr. Machine Lim, praying "362" ("Kwan Imm Mah" - Goddess of Mercy) and also "Tua Pek Kong" ("007"), watching all CNY movies with Pang Har (best of them were 72 Tenants of Prosperity & 14 Blades), went Raja Uda to pray "Tuu Boh Kong" with Ms. World and Auntie Yang.

Tua Pek Kong amm

Chew Jetty

pai Thi Kong... cheng sim lo... XD

Ms. World & Auntie Yang on ferry to BW...

Delicious Raja Uda Chicken Rice... must try...

Life outside academics were dull as usual. Well, what do you expect in SP and in AIMST? My best friend had to "pang har" (放下) me and go to Alor Star for her final year. Even more difficult for me to live my life. Hence I went back to Penang every weekend except for one weekend only. However, there were some good-looking juniors and new intake students nonetheless :p but no use - can see cannot touch. Life with coursemates were as usual. I still couldn't forget the wounds inflicted by two people I initially trusted and had high views upon. It took me one month to forget them during my semester break in January 2010, however, it was revived unintentionally by one of my few remaining close friends in AIMST. Couldn't blame anyone except me. I expected it to be personality disorder or bipolar disorder but I was diagnosed by Dr. Machine Lim of having mild depression. Still, life during that semester was more enjoyable than the previous - having duck rice at "569 Street", laksa at Shell Petrol Station, Hakka Mee, and "How To Train Your Dragon" with 2 of my close friends.

During this period of time, I was also romantically involved in a relationship with someone, but I ended it because it was a love triangle. Depression starts thereafter. I know I'm not good looking nor attractive and my age is catching up on me. For people of my path, life stops after 30, hence if I don't find someone soon, I'm gonna end up dying alone by myself. What is worse, each person I fall for seems to either been attached or attached one day right before I pop the question. I need to talk to someone about this, but nobody is going to listen. Nor can they understand what I'm going through. They are either too absorbed in their own sorrows or doesn't even care a single bit. I even got flares and teases as a reward from various people including my coursemate and my junior. Dr. Machine Lim, prescribe me some medications please?

This song is dedicated to my PTYC... If I had the chance, I would sing you this...
我这里天快要黑了那里呢
我这里天气凉凉的那里呢
我这里一切都变了我变得懂事了
我又开始写日记了而那你呢

我这里天快要亮了那里呢
我这里天气很炎热那里呢
我这里一切都变了我变得不哭了
我把照片都收起了而那你呢

如果我们现在还在一起会是怎样
我们是不是还是深爱着对方
像开始时那样
握着手就算天快亮

我们现在还在一起会是怎样
我们是不是还是隐瞒着对方
像结束时那样
明知道你没有错
还硬要我原谅

我不会原谅我怎么原谅

Memories Revived...

Friday, 29th January 2010 - I woke up anxiously this morning and rushed to college, hoping that time would quickly pass. As Applied Therapeutics ended half an hour earlier, I rushed to Bukit Mertajam to collect Aunt Mary's biscuits and headed back to Penang. Next thing I hope for was the time to quickly pass so that it would be night time faster. I was anticipating for tonight's flight to KL, the place where I actually grew up mentally. Auntie Yang and Ms. World came over to my place first and we went to the airport together with Ms. Earth, and we met Mohd. Cheah there.

Saturday, 30th January 2010 - We reached KL Central at about 1:30 a.m. in the morning and checked in to MyHotel just very near to KL Central Monorail station. We were hungry after checking in and we went out for "chuee cheong funn" just outside the hotel, sold by a somewhat fierce auntie.


When we went back to our room, the fusebox tripped and I tried calling the reception but there was no one to pick up. Since the air conditioner was still functioning and half of the lights still hadn't gone out, I decided to call again in the morning. The next morning, I called the reception again and the dialogue as follows took place:

receptionist: hello?
me: hello, yeah, erm, last night my room's fusebox tripped.
receptionist: THEN?
me: could you send some assistance up here please? room 208, thanks.

My goodness, "THEN"? I thought the hotel's staff should send someone up to see if the guest is safe? I told my friends this and they laughed rolling on the floor. Anyway, after preparing ourselves, we went to Petaling Street for lunch. We had porridge and after that, we went for the colourful sesame cake (mua chee). After that, we headed straight to Times Square and started our mission. I met some familiar faces in Times Square (as I would always whenever I visit KL) and only one I called - Teo Ken. It had been 3 years since I last saw him and I was happy to have seen him (rather than to see my ex!). I talked to him for a while and then headed back to look for Auntie Yang.

After a few hours window shopping around, I bugged Auntie Yang to head for Sg. Wang. At that time, Ms. World called and asked us to have lunch together. At the same time, Auntie Yang's friend, "Ms. Cheras", and Dr. Lim just reached Times Square to meet up with us. So we had lunch and then continued our shopping separately. I, together with Auntie Yang and Ms. Cheras went over to Sg. Wang while Ms. Wolrd, Ms. Earth, Dr. Lim and Mohd. Cheah remained at Times Square.

Long we shopped and I only managed to buy myself a black T-shirt. After that, we went back to Times Square to decide where to have dinner. Ms. Cheras had to get home as it was getting late, so she left. Ms. Earth had things to do at Pavilion, so she & Mohd. Cheah headed there, while Dr. Lim headed to Puduraya bus depot to get herself a bus ticket for her return journey on Monday. Meanwhile, Ms. World, Auntie Yang & I continued our short shopping. We went into Old Skull to try out some clothes. One cute short guy assisted me and as I was trying out a pair of pants, he asked Ms. World whether we're from Klang or not. I guess it must be because we spoke Hokkien to each other.

We were supposed to meet at Petaling Street for dinner, so I went over there to meet Dr. Lim first because she had difficulty locating the ticket counter at the bus depot. It was getting late, thus Dr. Lim had to get home first, hence not joining us for dinner. I sent her to the LRT station and then rejoined Ms. World and Auntie Yang waiting for Ms. Earth and Mohd. Cheah (they got lost in Pavilion). When they got to Petaling Street, we had dinner at Petaling Street - the famous Hokkien Mee, then headed back to the hotel.

aftermath of hau kor...

Sunday, 31st January 2010 - I was supposed to meet up with "Super Lenglui" Soon Yee & "Leng Guu" Sue Zin at Mid Valley today but due to Sue Zin having diarrhoea, it was canceled. I then led my friends to Sunway Pyramid via KTM commuter. The walk from Setia Jaya station to Sunway Pyramid terrified them. The journey was as far as 3 Queensbay Malls. I've journeyed twice before, so I was ready for it. However, poor my friends, they were not ready. Once there, we had pasta for lunch and then started our mission again. This time, Auntie Yang & I shopped together and I got myself 1 T-shirt & 2 shirts. Goodness, we spent 1 hour just to try one piece and to pay for one piece of T-shirt at Romp. There were too many people shopping at that store.

Nighttime came and we went back KL Central then headed to Pavilion to experience the "Lost" of Ms. Earth and Mohd. Cheah. We had dinner there at the food court and then headed back to our hotel. Nothing much to cerita here because nothing funny happened.

Monday, 1st February 2010 - The Beh Hau Kor people went shopping at Sg. Wang while I met up with Soon Yee & Sia Chin at Cheras for dimsum this morning and we updated ourselves with each other. Then we paid Sue Zin a visit and talked further. Somehow, I felt I was myself again when talking with them. I love them very much, but I couldn't stay there long because I still had many other things waiting to be done. I parted with them and Soon Yee sent me back to the LRT station and I said goodbye to her.

I headed for Hang Tuah and hopped on to the monorail that Dr. Lim was on to get to Chow Kit then to Kamal Bookstore. I remembered Bernice wanted to get a book from Kamal so I SMSed her. She called back but her voice was not clear so I asked her to SMS me. However, after long, only did she replied. I was short of time but luckily she replied on time. After searching and buying, I took Dr. Lim to Pavilion, then to Sg. Wang to do her shopping. Then we went back to Times Square to reunite with the Beh Hau Kor people. I did a flash shopping and got myself a pair of pants from Old Skull. That small cute guy still recognised me and the pants he promoted two days ago.

After shopping, it was time for us to say goodbye to Dr. Lim. She was taking a bus back to Penang while we others were flying back. It was difficult for my heart when I took the last step out from the monorail train. It felt sour. Somehow, all the memories came back to me. My heart was heavy to leave KL but I had to.

clothes I bought...

Tuesday, 2nd February 2010 - I woke up missing KL very much. It was not because I missed shopping in KL. My actual intention of going to KL was not to shop. I was actually "cheated" to join the Beh Hau Kor people to go to KL in the first place, and I felt sad leaving KL. It happens everytime I visit and leave KL. Maybe it was because there were too many memories in KL and KL had become part of my life...

Mid-Year 3, New Year & Sarawak Miao Trip...

The first semester of my third year ended in the month of December 2009, and I could say that I was glad. Thanks to AIMST, I had to spend my birthday with Biotechnology for Pharmacy!! cipeT!! Anyway, what I'm actually glad of was that my worst semester was over. I really had no interest in anything I did at all during that semester. I didn't pass up lab reports for Pharmaceutical Technology and Biotechnology for Pharmacy. I really did not have the mood to listen to lectures nor to study at all. It was actually because of some people. They hurt me greatly without knowing that, but I could not tell anyone because, no matter where I turn to, people I trusted actually sided them. I was even hit in my face when someone I thought I could rely better on actually told me that 'it' finds difficulty in trusting me. Should I just throw myself into a crater?

I tried every way I could and I ended up going back to Penang more frequent, and I'm glad it helped. Well, I could do nothing but just try to forget those who hurt me. Great, exam's over, and I was heading back to Penang. I could use some time to forget those bastards (though some of them are actually in Penang). What's funny is that, that guy is not from Penang, he's just staying in Penang (hometown - Kedah), but in his profile, he puts his hometown as Penang. Nevermind loh, but why he still wants to complain that there's nothing in Penang and it is a boring place? GO BACK TO YOUR HOMETOWN IF YOU DON'T LIKE PENANG LAH, KEAT TAH GUU!! cibai leh~ (keat tah guu = 吉打牛) Imagine who's this Keat Tah Guu? Wei Zackhen~

Anyway, during the holidays, I had to work for my Aunt Melissa to get some pocket money so that I had some money to spend during my Sarawak trip in January. The work was actually easy but boring but I had no choice as my mother asked me to help out. I did stir some problems for my aunt though. Well, I wasn't the only one working. My cousin, "Mulan" Wern was working for my Aunt Grace also at Highlands Coffee stall at Gurney Plaza. We always shared our stories after work in December.

Christmas came and during Christmas eve, we got "hiao" and decided to dine-in at Little Cottage. It actually burnt a hole in our pockets, but I definitely had a great time with them. The ever "Auntie Yang" Han Yang was there, together with "Ms. World" Ai Ling, "Ms. Earth" Inn Cheq, "Sewing Machine" Dr. Lim, "Mohd" Cheah, and "Ms. Global" Pei Ling was also there (for the food we've ordered, pls head to my facebook's photo). New Year also came and during New Year's Eve, we, the "beh hau kor" people, once again got together for countdown at Queensbay mall. Ms. Earth's friend, "Tau-See-Huu Auntie", joined us later for the countdown concert which featured Taiwanese singers Power Station and Tank. After the countdown, we had a drink and off we went.

Two weeks later, it was time to head to Miao-land ~ Kuching, Sarawak. I went there with my dear cousin, "Mulan" Wern, and my dear friend, "Sewing Machine" Dr. Lim. Before we even board the plane, the drama already started. Someone actually made the "Declaration of 'boh gia kah-toh lai' (declaration of not bringing a scissors)" but at the check-point, someone was forced to leave behind one's favourite scissors.

Ok, off we went and Alex was there to pick us from Kuching airport to his big big mansion house. Then off we went to "hau kor" (eat). It was kind of late already, but we kept our stomachs empty throughout the flight so that we could stuff our stomachs with Miao food. We ordered... 7 dishes... Sarawak Laksa, Kong Piang, Kampua Mee, Foochow Red Wine Mee Sua Soup, Kolo Mee, Tomato Mee, & Char Koay Teow. I actually find the mee nice and I fell in love with the red wine soup. It was sweet and it smelt nice.


The next day, we checked in Berambih Lodge and went to Semenggok to see some Orang Utans but unfortunately, due to the rain and fruit season, those Orang Utans didn't turn up. We then headed back to Miao town and walked around the town, looking for souvenirs and food. The third day, we went to Sarawak Cultural Village and stayed there for one night at the Iban Longhouse. It was a lovely place and we learned many things about Sarawak's aborigines.

There were 3 other guests that stayed over at the cultural village: 2 angmohs & Mr. Low Chee Kang. Mr. Leo, our guide, told us many heroic stories about the Ibans when we stayed for the night at the longhouse while Mr. Ronnie taught me about the local rice wine, "tuak" and "langkau". They gave us each a pair of what the locals there call "kayu tas" or "kayu hujan panas", Goniothalamus velutinus as souvenirs. We also requested to see how fish-spearing was like and they actually agreed to show us at the middle of the night. However, instead of spearing a fish, a waterhen was speared. I'm sorry.

Goniothalamus velutinus

Day 4, we went back to Miao town and lodged at MySarawak Cafe and started our real town exploring. We had food from various places and Sugar Bun too, and Mulan & Dr. Lim bought many souvenirs for their family and friends while I bought nothing. We went praying at different temples also. See, we all very cheng sim one, not like some people go traveling only to play. Day 5 came and we had to fly back to Penang in the evening. So, farewell Miao-land. I would definitely wanna go back there.

The second semester of year 3 of my course started right after I came back from Sarawak. I was actually very sad having to leave Sarawak but I also returned to my college with higher-than-usual spirits. However, it didn't last long. I was told that my ex-housemate moved out and new housemates were moving in. Ok, fair enough. I thought, maybe it would be for the better. So I went to class as usual. Suddenly, one of my friend whom I actually trust most of the time talked to me and reminded me of the past that hurts me very much. It reminded me of the bastards which I took more than a month to slowly forget. I don't wish to hurt myself further. You have found what you wanted, it is time for me to find mine...

Love Story...

Everyone's got their very own Love Story, and this does not exclude people of the dark side. Being one form the dark side, I have got a cold personality. I dislike more than I like. There are many things as well as people that I would normally dislike at first sight or at first impression.

I do not have super sensors of emotions of people around me which some of my friends greatly desire. However, I do have the ability to know the personality and character of that person even at first sight and it is nearly always correct! It is by time that I come to accept something or someone.

There are people who hide their interests. Certain people tend to deny things that are superbly proven. Some pretended to be innocent. A handful do not want to accept the fact that they are in love or favour one over another. Others are just fooled by the mere appearances & sweet talks. And last but not least, some are forever after the one they lust but will never get them no matter how many targets they change. Well, these are a few things that contribute to uncountable love stories existing today.

Thursday, 15th October 2009 - The day the KFC gang came to Penang. They came for food & entertainment. I met up with them for a brief period of time, mostly at Hard Rock Hotel & Cafe. Well, I don't really find Hard Rock that interesting, but they were kinda obsessed with it. I was joined with my cousin.

Vain...

Saturday, 17th October 2009 - Once again, Karaoke session. This time it was with Ai Ling, Han Yang & Wee Keat only. Thanks to someone who flew our airplane, we had to pay one head extra! It was mostly English songs we sang this time as all of us were bananas. To identify the song by the title in Chinese characters was tough enough, let alone reading the lyrics. After the music session, we went to Old Town New World Park for history lessons.

Tuesday, 20th October 2009 - Bzzt... bzzt... My cell phone vibrated. It was from someone I am fond of - Autumn. She asked me to collect something from her when my class ended. However, things didn't go very well according to plan. I drove to school that morning but due to the 5-hour gap in between, Big Berd & Epinephrine wanted to go back home, therefore I let them take my car back and Big Berd drove hers when returning to the campus. Kingston drove too with a 247.

My initial plan was to follow Big Berd to deal with reactivating my DiGi prepaid line since it was nearly 90 days since I left it untouched. However, Jelly Cockroach wanted us to have KFC with him since it was Tuesday (he had a stewpid 25% off member card). So after Big Berd had done with her oral cream thingy, we went to Tesco Extra SP. I thought it would only be for a while, so I told Autumn that I would take only half an hour to get to her. Little did I know, the KFC gang wished to lepak in Tesco.

There wasn't much option for me but to wait. Autumn then said she left the stuff on her gate. It kept me thinking what she was going to give me. My imagination went wild. Could it be that she saw my blog and wanted to end our relationship? Did she intend to give me back what I gave her last time? Or was it food? My heart was not at ease.

Finally when it came the time to leave Tesco, I followed Big Berd. When we reached Autumn's house, I jumped down & grabbed the small black plastic bag she left at the gate. It smelled something familiar - nangka!! It was a fruit which I ate & had diarrhoea when I was young. Thereafter, I dared not take even a single bite any longer.

Reaching home, I unwrapped the black plastic to reveal the contents...

The contents...


Nangka - the most obvious...


Rock cakes - really hard as rocks...


Anchovies...

These made up my dinner that night. Luckily I did not eat KFC earlier. I ate the nangka since they were given by Autumn and they were strangely sweet - as sweet as Autumn. Big Berd took 2 nangka & a rock cake from me. Next, I moved on to finish the anchovies. Frankly speaking, I don't like anchovies, but the chilli paste was Sectumsempra-prerfectly done! It made me crave for more indeed.

I left the rock cakes for the following day since I was already full. I would actually be delighted to thank Autumn for these things she gave. She made the anchovies with her mum. It was like a relationship renewed. It took me back to the times I used to cook and shared with her as she did the same for me too. She partially lightened up my dark gloomy day.

After the lovely dinner I went to my computer to update a few things. There was suddenly a MSN message approaching. It was from someone called Mee Sua. This Mee Sua was rather new to me and we chatted for some time. I felt some fondness with this Mee Sua and I am comfortable chatting with this Mee Sua. We kept in touch for a few days and it had been going on for so good so far. Mee Sua thus enhanced the glittering of my day. Thank God for sending two sweet Angels to me - Autumn & Mee Sua.

Present - The Pharmacy programme had been giving me a headache this semester as there are too many industrial subjects. I admit I'm more of a clinical person rather than industrial. If given a choice for me to choose a character in a game, I'd go for defensive might, healing or support over offensive might. Several lecturers were giving me a tough time. I slept late last night, around 3 a.m. and woke up at 6 a.m. with a light head. I had Pharmaceutical Technology viva this morning and it was hell! I did manage to answer almost all the questions though.

With all the things happening & people I'm meeting, I'm struck yet again with a divided heart. Though there is a sweet music running in my head, I have mixed feelings. I hate. I love. I miss. I'm anxious. I'm confused. What is going on?

pure white rose - pure love...

Today is a winding road,
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa,
Today in the blink of an eye,
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried...

I tried to read between the lines,
I tried to look in your eyes,
I want a simple explanation; what I'm feeling inside,
I gotta find a way out Maybe there's a way out...

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know youre unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I don't wanna ever love another,
You'll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
And bring on the thunder...

Today is a winding road,
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know, whoa,
Today I'm on my own,
I cant move a muscle and I cant pick up the phone, I don't know...

And now I'm itching for the tall grass,
And longing for the breeze,
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe,
I gotta find a way out,
Maybe there's a way out...

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I don't wanna ever love another,
You'll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain...

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope,
I'm wrapped up in vines,
I think Ill make it out,
but you just gotta give me time,
Strike me down with lightning,
Let me feel you in my veins,
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain,

Today is a winding road,
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know youre unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I don't wanna ever love another,
You'll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
And bring on the thunder,
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know youre unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
Oh baby bring on the pain,
And listen to the thunder...

Mid Autumn 2009...

Wednesday, 30th September 2009 - this is a hectic day for me. My parents prepared steamboat (火锅/暖炉 - note the Hokkien pronunciation of steamboat is "loh/炉" which is the same as "heoh loh"/香炉) to offer prayers to Tua Pek Kong (大伯公) as the following day would be the day to send the incense pot (香炉) back to the temple. So on this day, I could not do my own things as I had to help my parents preparing for the "loh" (炉). That night, many aunties from Lam Wah Ee came over. It was an experience to mix with these aged but crazy people (you should have seen what they did in Hadyai - aggressive =.=").

Mid autumn 2009 (3rd October 2009)... What did I do? let's see, went to Queensbay to look for mooncakes but found none. After that, I had karaoke session with the infamous wizards & witches of Penang - Wee Keat, Han Yang, Inn Cheq & Ai Ling. It was very long indeed since we last karaoked together. They had the capability to curse the original artistes. Last time I heard, they actually selected Michael Jackson's songs to sing. They accidentally selected a few songs twice & what happened the next day? Michael Jackson was dead. THEY KILLED MJ!!

This time, we sang at Oriental KTV instead of RedBox. Well, I have to admit that although Oriental KTV's sound system is not as good as RedBox's but the food & services are way much much better in Oriental KTV. Anyway, the session was fun because this time, we sang not only popular hits, but also oldies (English & Chinese oldies including dialects). We even edited some songs & assigned theme songs to some people. Han Yang was assigned "對面鼓的 aunty 看過來" (a variation of "對面鼓的女孩看過來").

Since there were lack of people with the ability to reach Simplified Chinese let alone Traditional Chinese (except for Inn Cheq), most of the songs selected were mainly in English. There were quite a number of Chinese songs somehow, mostly by Inn Cheq & I, with Ai Ling sometimes, but we (Ai Ling & I) sang based on our memory of the songs. After 4 hours of music, we went for supper. Damn! My throat was as coarse as sand.

Also, this mid autumn I got a mooncake from my friend. Wow~ I'm seriously honoured. One of the very few times my friend would give me mooncake. Well, you cannot blame me. I'm not favoured by many people that encountered me. They see me as a mysterious substandard person. Many despise these type of people. Therefore, I'm grateful to God that I have friends still. Thank you very much Mr. P! haha.

There is a tale to be told about this mooncake. It was divided into 8 equal pieces by Mr. WhyWhy Tan. I ate one piece, WhyWhy ate one. Then when Kingston & Wonky returned, it was learned that Kingston soot one piece. It was uncertain whether Wonky ate or not because nobody ever knows what he was doing. I called Epinephrine to come over to eat her share. Also, not forgetting Big Berd. Both came like penguins hopping to get fed (& FAT). Big Berd took 1, Epinephrine took 2, leaving 2 pieces behind. Kingston came down & soot another one leaving one last piece. WhyWhy came down and saw the last piece & he siezed it not knowing Wonky had not eaten any. At the same time, Epinephrine asked Wonky to descend the floor to get his last piece of mooncake. Wonky came down only to find nothing was left for him.

Tuesday, 6th October 2009 - this day, I did not have any mid semester examination paper to sit for but I followed Yean Yong to school thinking that there were long afternoon classes. I wore black shoes, black socks, black slacks, & black shirt with a silver tie. Never would I wear a tie simply but this day was too special to me. This day, was the third anniversary of me meeting someone. She might had forgotten it, I do not blame her. I am no longer important to her now & never anymore in the future.

We used to be very close during the first stage. It was fun to have someone to share problems with, to have dinner with, to explore this God-forsaken land together, and to sing together. Her absence was like a missing melody in my duet of life. However, I was very stupid to have told her my darkest personality. I thought I didn't want to lie to her then. What is worse, we had a very big misunderstanding during the middle stage of our companionship which contributed to the destruction of our relationship.

I was deeply hurt by her actions & impressions she had about our misunderstanding. I actually had feelings for her, but due to my darkest personality, I kept myself away from her thinking that it would be cheating if I were to get closer to her. I tried to talk to her regarding this but my darkest personality prevented me from doing that. Many times I tried talking to her but her responses made me rebound.

I was a pussy. I was afraid that she would shun away from me if she were to know someone as filthy as I am were to have feelings for her. It was not until this year that I mustered all my courage, thinking I was ready to tell her, but the fact that she already had a boyfriend just so recently shattered my whole cast of courage. Hope was lost. I had forgone everything for someone who had already been taken.

Funny it was that I should feel jealous. It was then that I found out that I actually fell in love with her. I realised it too late. Everything was gone now. I could not even tell her that I loved her now. It should remain as a silent one. I could only see her from afar, help her as she would allow. So close yet so far.

庙口的街角
还在演着陌生熟悉的歌仔戏
看戏的人也只有零星的聚集
辛苦的似乎需要更多的鼓励嘿~

人生如戏

每一出戏里总会有一个自己

就算只剩一个人也要演下去

像一出没有对手的对手戏

一瞬间闪过好多画面
我还想再看到你熟悉的脸
我感觉的到我对你将永远永远的思念
为何你离我远去

又为何你没有消息

是否可以不再为了你哭泣

我想你可能已经全都忘记

但我还在缅怀你我的过去

虽有很多风雨我存在记忆体

戏还没演完你就要离去

一瞬间闪过好多画面
我还想再看到你熟悉的脸
我感觉的到我对你将永远永远的思念
为何你离我远去

又为何你没有消息

是否可以不再为了你哭泣

我身骑白马走三关

改换素衣回中原

我在梦中找无你

我的心已经跟你去

不知影何时返来元身边 已经不在

我想你可能已经全都忘记
但我还在缅怀你我的过去
虽有很多风雨我存在记忆体
戏还没演完你就要离去

还有没有时间能继续下去
不要到最后我还在这里
还在相信这是我们的戏
而你是我的唯一

Evil & Darkness Rising...

My days run darker as I age. Smiles are rarer than frowns. Laughters are even tougher to come by than smiles. Everyday, I feel the burden getting heavier and heavier. My personality is driving me mad. The fact that I'm the only child in the family is pressuring me harder every single day.

Difficulty is there when I cannot mingle well with my circle of friends. They are getting well with each other but I'm not getting well with them. It is as if there is a feeling that they hate me. I know I'm way inferior by the way I look, dress, communicate and perform academically. I tried to open up myself to them but somehow, there seems to be a barrier and I ended up scorned. I always blamed it on communication.

I tried to be kind but they don't seem to care or to appreciate. I controlled my temper but it is not enough. People still hate me even I control my temper or not. Is it because that I'm born into this life of hatred that I have to suffer? Is it because you all have heard about the other side of me? Niama eh kong leh! If you have, and if you despise me, pray hard that your future generations aren't born with life like mine. I tell you the truth, it is not my choice to be born in this life. If I could choose, I wouldn't have chosen it. NOBODY would!

Not merely friends. My juniors too. Am I that bad a senior? Why do I see fear in the eyes of those I talk to? At times I see disgust in their eyes. It is as if I'm a disgrace to them and they're ashamed to be related to me. Some seniors too looked down upon me. Just because of that incident that had happened 3 years ago, I lost many of my seniors' confidence. Even my grandmother's.

People see me as a dark person at first sight. Even after I've done many things to try to set things right, they still have that kind of bad impression on me. What could I do? I've been nice before. Now? FUCK IT. You're looking for a bad guy? I'm here.

I was not like that before. The CB-Sakai people will know. I used to be relatively warm, caring and noble last time. Last time, back at the Central Valley, I used to shell prawns for my friends. I cooked for my lecturer & friends. I played music for my friends. I could actually lend my proper mobile phone to my coursemate while I used a defunct phone. Now? MaPuKi you do the shelling. You do the cooking. You entertain me. And I won't lend anything to anyone, defunct or not. Nabeh! I'm not boasting. I know I've changed to a far more terrible person now. Now I'm cold, evil, selfish, unkind with a dark personality. This is what you all thought about me isn't it?

Why should I be kind and sporting? You were not sporting. You were a PUSSY and still are a pussy. When there was a complaint about certain things, you were one of the loudest. Kaninabu! But when it came to the time to come face to face with the problem, (to put it in a proper way) you shied away, otherwise, (in a direct way) you chickened out (Hokkien ue kio kan-kay).

Why I chose to be cold and not to be friendly? Simply because some people here are multiple-faced pontianaks. This does not exclude you, my dear. When there is a need for us, or when there is a benefit to be extracted from us, you will come to us and be nice, warm and friendly to us. You speak in our tongue in order to "jek" us so that we would let our guard down. Your speeches are usually layered (berlapik-lapik). Bin phuey pni cibai kao! You use your soft, delicate, charming, artistic, and poetic, but predictable lines on us just to persuade (force) us to do as told (ordered) by you. You're just so "eat chicken near chicken, eat duck near duck" (ciak kay ua kay, ciak akk ua akk).

When you finished using me, what will you do to me? One word - DISPOSE! Wow, I didn't know you're that environmental friendly. At this time, I am made of glass. If i'm not made of glass, I'm invisible (<-highlight to reveal). Whenever things turn out to be good, it is always your good, benevolent doing even though your saint self have naught to contribute and you've contributed nothing. When things go amiss, you start pointing fingers. Kao lin ah? Point fingers to 'cucuk' people's backside ah?

You are a hypocrite! Fire-stones are way more beautiful than you are! I may be foul-mouthed by complaining about what you have done, but I am telling the truth nonetheless. However, what you're saying about me is all way out of course! People build castles in the air but you, you build meteors in the air, causing havoc at the earth down below. Watch out as one day, I may send a hailstorm back to you as to return you your noble favour.

You only know how to save your own foul skin. FUCK IT! The only thing you're good at is charms and using people as your pawn, to block bullets for you. I warn you this, repent, or else flee, if you value your foul skin!! You have not seen the worst of me, yet! Limpek Kan Ka Lu Khi Thi Ah!!!

A Turning Point...

'Twas long ago since I've last waved my blog with dull, monotonous & dry words. Well, it had been a rather tough year that I've went through. It may not appear to be physically tough to all of you but it's mentally & emotionally taxing to me.

2nd year BPharm was kinda boring. Seriously, I do not think that AIMST BPharm programme is really good. To be honest, it is far from the standard BPharm programme in Malaysia. Imagine this, a 3rd year student knows nothing about Pharmacotherapy except classifications of Autonomic Drugs, and, we learn Medicinal Chemistry before being exposed to Pharmacology. However, I cannot really say it out loud, therefore I sometimes I find myself telling people that: "To be completely honest, I'm a liar."

Lecturers we had of different qualities and quantities. The industiral lecturers seem to keep going away while the clinical lecturers seem to keep on coming. We had a range of interesting and terrible lecturers - Bird's Nest Head, Snoopy Ratio, Magic Mushroom Addict, Rabid Dog, and even our very own Tweety Bird and Apom Sin @ Pancake Spirit (Aponm Sin - read in Hokkien, well I'm sure you know what apom means, and "sin" means god/diety).

Even some of the 'teachers' are of substandard products. Of course I'm a way-below-average Pharmacy student, but sometimes, it is very annoying to find that a Clinical Pharmacist had to teach a Pharmaceutics subject (i.e. Physical Pharmacy). Fine, exemption given to HER for teaching a pharmaceutics subject, but as a Clinical Pharmacist, could she not know the mechanism of action of phenoxybenzamine and phentolamine?

Enough of the academic side, I don't even want to say anything about the laboratory session. Only one word I can say - FUCKED! Well, I had moved out from my aunt's house and hostel. I moved into a house together with 3 other of my coursemates, need I mention their names? Fine, they are "Sean Kingston", "Why Why Tan" & "Wonky the fairy". Should I say that they are lovely housemates? For my part, I can say that they are fine despite we all know that there will always be conflict arising when staying together in one house. Thank God my housemates are not worse than they are now. I've heard of many worse and more terrifying tales accounted, both in KL & SP.

Many asked me why I moved out while I could had had the luxury staying with my aunt, but none knows what tyrant dwells in that fair house. I hope my aunt won't blame me for saying this, but it is the truth. She knows that also. And, I'm pretty sure that she will be way happier that I'm away and no longer a burden to her.

Love Quote...

Today, I came across a quote about love. The quote gives a rather good & beautiful illustration about the nature of love. Let me share it with you...

"Love is when you give half of yourself and allow that half to be
filled up by another, who in turn, takes the half of you that you left
behind. When you feel like gravity no longer holds you down, but they
do. When you see them, a million thoughts race through your mind, and
there are a million things you want to say, but the best to can
manage is a nod and a smile, a wave, or a simple 'hey', because if
you try to say anything more, you know you will choke up. When you see
them, you feel like your heart is beating so fast it's going to fly
away from you. In a way, it does. It flies to them. When you feel like
you are so full of happiness, you feel like your going to start
flying, but the only thing keeping you down is that if you were to fly
away, you fear they couldn't fly with you."


my life 一直在等待
空荡的口袋
想在里面放一份爱
why 总是被打败
真的好无奈
其实我实实在在
不管帅不帅

想要找回来 (想要找回来)
自己的节拍 (自己的节拍)
所以这一次
我要勇敢大声说出来

期待期待你发现我的爱
无所不在我自然而然的关怀
你的存在 (你的存在)
心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱

我猜你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯靠越近越明白
不要走开 (不要走开)
幸福的开始就是
放手去爱

想要找回来 (想要找回来)
自己的节拍 (自己的节拍)
所以这一次
我要勇敢大声说出来

期待期待你发现我的爱
无所不在我自然而然的关怀
你的存在 (你的存在)
心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱

我猜你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯靠越近越明白
不要走开 (不要走开)
幸福的开始就是
放手去爱

幸福的开始就是放手去爱...