cute girl Yi Han & me~
It all started to get worse in the month of November 2010. Imagine, having to go to the last Clinical Pharmacy practical station which was Clinical Pharmacokinetics or TDM (therapeutic drug monitoring). Dr. Chong was out university supervisor while the preceptor for this station was Ms. Malini Devi. To meet up with Dr. Chong for briefing before going to that department was a little scary, but surprisingly, he wasn't harsh on us like what we'd heard earlier. The real trouble was with that preceptor Ms. MD. She wasn't really happy with guiding us in TDM and she didn't really regard us with the slightest respect. She was as sarcastic as she could be and the way she answered things hinted that she was an arrogant lady.
Clinical Pharmacy practical final presentation was really a headache for me. I teamed up with Eddy and we had only 3 options~ either his or my general medicine clerkship, and my pediatrics clerkship. ICU clerkship was totally out of our choice as we weren't sure what we were clerking at all. Finally, we narrowed down to only my pediatrics clerkship as our general medicine cases were terribly done.
Case selection done~ now to prepare for the presentation. Power Point presentation slides took a hell of a time for me to prepare. I didn't know what and how to present my case. I showed my presentation slides to my group supervisor, Mr. Sabri, and he gave a few vague tips on the presentation. Ms. Dayana, the faculty supervisor for Pediatrics attachment, insisted that those who wanted to present pediatrics cases should go and see her. Of course, being under her supervision once for research, I never ever wanted to be involved with her again. The Pediatrics preceptor, Ms. S. Pryia, was on Deepavali leave, so I couldn't contact her. Desperately, I went seeking Dr. Chong for counsel. Dr. Chong, surprisingly, agreed to help me though I wasn't under his group.
clinical pharmacy clerkship presentation preparation~
On the day of my presentation, we were hoping that the Witch (MD) was not among those preceptors to grade us. When they arrived, we were shock to see 5 experts walking into the lecture theatre~ including that Witch. With her, the 3 ward experts and Ms. Stephanie Soon. Hell yeah, it was a terrible combination. I had to say that despite Dr. Chong's guidance, every single one of them overcame me and Eddy. I was kind of disappointed with myself for not preparing well enough for the presentation.
After the presentation, I consulted Dr. Chong about my flaws and he told me a lot about clinical pharmacy. Surprisingly again, he wasn't sarcastic while talking to me. He didn't seem to look down nor step on me. He shared his experiences and views. This was what changed me the most. He encouraged me to take up masters, which led to me being so damn stressed, but at least now I began to plan.
Besides presentation, a certain little girl gave me quite a headache. I was already damn frustrated and stressed with my life and my presentation stuff, but she didn't seem to get it. Firstly I was sad as I didn't really do well in my general medicine clerkship. Couldn't she just stop blabbering how well she did in this or that? She had been there before, why could she not understand how it felt? Then ICU clerkship came. She had experienced that before as well, so she should understand how tough it was for me and how much time I need. A certain action I made (which didn't jeopardise her at all) caused me a bad reputation!! She posted it on Facebook, on my wall, exaggerating it.
Once there was a group work and we were to get into groups of about 5 or 6. Since I'd always teamed up with my usual group, so I was supposed to join them, but a certain little girl pulled me into one group together with her without my consent. All the while I thought I was in my usual group but suddenly one of the members told me that I was in another group. Well, it was a confusion, but it was a small thing, so I didn't really care that much. The second time there was a group work, I was adamant to be in my usual group, so this time, I told her so as not to cause another confusion. She said she didn't have a group, so I invited her to join mine, and she agreed. However, when filling in the groupings, I was shocked to find that someone actually wrote my name on another group. I knew it was her work. I was very angry as the group she wrote me in had a certain BMI which everybody in the class hated. The first time I could excuse this certain little girl because she didn't know that I joined my usual group, but this second time, I was furious because I had already told her that I joined my usual group. I even invited her and she agreed. How could she do this without my consent again?
What's worse, she kept complaining that nobody told her stuff, nobody kept her updated, and that there were no gentlemen in my class. Firstly, certain things we all have to keep ourselves updated. We cannot always alert you of this and that. We all have our own things to care and handle as well and they are not as easy as you think. Neither are they by any means inferior to yours. Secondly, it is your duty to keep yourself updated. We are not your PA and sometimes we do miss out some people. We cannot get to everyone, so stop blaming us!! Thirdly, what do you expect from us guys? To protect you? To always treat you like the lady of the house? To serve you? If you want such a guy, get yourself a boyfriend!!
She blamed her classmates, she blamed her housemate, she blamed us. Life is not a bed of roses you know, so stop whining like a lost puppy. Also, please take a look at yourself before you comment on others. Don't blame others for what happen to you which resulted from what you choose. Please think of others too, and don't always think that the world revolves around you only.
However, things weren't all bad. I spent an evening with Mami Siew Chai Jin praying at Raja Uda, watching Harry Potter, and having dinner at Sin Tatt Garden. After that, they threw a birthday dinner for me at a western food restaurant in SP. Bernice gave me a T-shirt.
western food birthday~
Fresh Fruit Tea with Mami Siew~
gift from Bernice~
Study week was terrible. Never before had I been so stressed in all these years of exam. Pimples sprout on my face lightning fast. Pharmacology IV was my worst paper. I did very badly in this and I hope I could pass. This exam season was a little different from the others. I traveled up North to seek help from my cousin on accounting. He was kind enough to teach me and I mastered it (at my level). It was a great experience up in UUM where there was no water supply at that time. The following day, before I left, they taught my DotA. The management paper was ok, thanks to my cousin who taught me accounting. After my management paper, we had Forensic Pharmacy, followed by Drug Modeling.
birthday lunch with notes~
Drug Modeling eve with Nescafe~ never thought I would meet You~
Drug Modeling was the paper I didn't wanna take but was force to and I didn't sleep the whole night before the paper. Big mistake. I left my account online and You messaged me around 4am in the morning. Yeah, You~ You know who You are. We had a sweet time and I fell for You deeply. I came back during the weekend to meet You, and I had to finish two more papers~ Geriatric Pharmacy and Clinical Pharmacy. When I left the island and reached SP, I missed You terribly until I cried, but You felt nothing.
Concentrating on Geriatric Pharmacy and Clinical Pharmacy with You in my mind was very tough. I had to use Occlumency. Clinical Pharmacy eve was another sleepless night, and I was devastated, but I didn't really do that badly, or at least it wasn't as bad as Pharmacology IV. After Clinical Pharmacy, we celebrated Yi Han's birthday in McD and I went back Penang, anticipating to meet You. However, it didn't go as smooth as I anticipated. You didn't wanna accept me, but You took it from me. You didn't know how much You hurt me. All You cared about was only You, but it didn't change the way I feel about You.
the only thing I got from You~ I love it very much~
I miss You, I cried because of You, but all You did was just flirt with me and then leave me. I couldn't do anything. Putting up a happy face for 4 days in front of my parents and grandparents wasn't easy especially when I had to see them every minute, every hour. There was nothing I could do, a Total Eclipse of the Heart. Thank goodness Machine sacrificed one day to accompany me. We went for prayers, food and second celebration for cute cute Yi Han. Seriously, I've not felt this way since the days with Yeoh CL during sixth form. I have to thank Machine for her time; Mercedes, NiNi, and Huffie for their counsel, support and comfort. It would definitely be way tougher without you guys.
cute girl's birthday~
hiao-ing on the piano~
Machine, cute girl, and me~
I couldn't help singing this song~ this Xmas I met You, and You took it away form me. I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away~
Last christmas
I gave you my heart (gave you my heart)
But the very next day you gave it away (gave it away)
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special (special)
Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance
But you still catch my eye
Tell me baby
Do you recognize me?
Well, it's been a year
It doesn't surprise me (Happy Christmas, Christmas)
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you"
I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now
I know you'd fool me again,
Last christmas
I gave you my heart (gave you my heart)
But the very next day you gave it away (gave it away)
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special. (I'll give it someone special)
Last christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears (save me from tears)
I'll give it to someone special (I'll give it someone special)
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
A crowded room
Friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you
And your soul of ice
My god I thought you were
Someone to rely on (someone to rely on). Me?
I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart (ooh ohh)
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again
Last christmas
I gave you my heart (gave you my heart)
But the very next day (very next day) you gave it away (you gave it away)
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you (you gave me away) gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special (special)
Gave you my heart~
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