As the condition of my sickness is about the same, though it improves little, I managed to make myself go to college today. I decided to see the doctor and so, I skipped the Maths tutorial. To my horror, the clinic would only be open at 10 a.m. and it was then 9 a.m., so I went to the library until it was time for Chemistry. Then I went to the lecture room, which was empty and dark at first. Being the first student there, of course, I switched on everything including the lights and air-cond. Then came Ms. Rebecca, and she knew I skipped Maths again. :)
The whole of today I was filled with stars and I didn't pay much attention in Ms. Rebecca's class. I was talking happily with Billy and Chew Weng instead. Then came Mr. Hoe's class, but I went to see the doctor instead. While waiting at the clinic to be registered, I made a new friend. Her name's Luana, a beautiful mixed girl from a place that brightens up my feelings, Cheras! Taman Taynton View! And then I was blabbling about Cheras when she mentioned about UCSI, which she in the whole of last year. Much to my delight, though I had not met her, I felt glad that at least there was someone who had been in the same college as I before in this place called AIMST.
I was then called to enter the doctor's clinic, and she said: 'have a great time' and I was like thinking, what a great time I would have! The doctor was a female Indian and she was quite blur. I felt funny when she did not take my temperature and she asked me whether had I got fever. I told her that I did not know and I just felt warm. Then I told her I had phelgm though I didn't cough that frequent, and a block nose. I oversaw the prescription she wrote - Loratadine 1/1 o.n. 3/7. I mentioned to her that I took a combination drug of pseudoephedrine and loratadine the night before and had not much effect. She wanted to give me piriton instead and she told me: 'no, loratadine is a different class than the pseudoephedrine that you took.' Hoy! I did tell you that I took a combination drug right? Stupid!
Exam is around the corner and I am prepared for only one subject. Guess I have to do what I did back then. Study intensely during study week. I remembered how I studied during study week for General Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Medicinal Chemistry, and Pharmacology & Immunopharmacology. Which I passed without much difficulty. Unlike Microbiology, Physiology, Peripheral Nervous System & Therapy, Communication Skills and Health Care, which I had to struggle, and of course, not forgetting the subject I dread most - Biostatistics which I failed. XD It was fun back then though. Hope it would be too this time!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Return to Semeling
I should be in Ms. Yuverani's tutorial now but since I am not feeling well, might as well just take a self-declared holiday as today's lectures and tutorials are mostly subjects I love and strong in. After the dangerous trip to Yala, I stayed at home doing nothing for the following two days. Then, on Saturday, Ken, Mic, and Yik arrived from Kuching and as according to the plan, they were to stay in my house for one night before going back to Semeling the next day.
However, on Saturday, my car's cooling system broke down, and my father's is in town so in the end i had to borrow my cousin's slk to fetch them. It was kind of a bumpy ride as they brought more things than before. My, you should have seen how their 'things reproduced'. So we stayed in the house until the car had been fixed. However, the car couldn't be fixed completely, so I had to use my father's car to bring everyone back to Semeling.
Well, of course, before going back to Semeling, we went to a few places in Penang. Since Ken and Mic wants to do some shopping, where else? Gurney Plaza and Prangin Mall is where I took them to. Poor Yik, he had to endure much. Other than shopping, I took them to Swatow Lane to have 'ais kacang', and Botanical Gardens to see monkey. Well, someone was not afraid of monkey attack and he taunted the monkeys. Watch out leh... After a tiring day spent at Penang, finally it is time to go back to Semeling, much to Yik's liking.
On Saturday night, I went online for a while. Then I saw Ah San's msn account being online. I messaged her and she straight away invited me to have a web-cam conversation. How nice it was to see that she was there studying with Sing Shia. I could still remember when I was back there. I was there, in the same room with Sing Shia and Sue Zin studying Communication Skills. Then I thought back of the times when Sing Shia and I went to Sue Zin's unit at around 2 a.m. to study Peripheral Nervous System & Pharmacotherapy, which the exam is on 9 a.m. the same day. 3 a.m. we went McD to eat. Crazy. When my dear 'wife' Wen Chian heard what we did, she commented on us being crazy. XD
I arrived in SP 7 p.m. in the evening, exhausted. I bathed, changed, and online. Then, I had dinner, then I was off to bed. I woke up this morning, having a blocked nose and I felt light-headed and drained of all energy. What could I do? I was debating against myself whether to go or not. In the end, I felt lazy and uncomfotable, so I ignored the idea of going to lectures. Then, in the afternoon, Ken smsed me saying that there is a pop-quiz for Chemistry. Instead of being in distress, I was like: "Ahh... rubbish... chap siau ee..."
However, on Saturday, my car's cooling system broke down, and my father's is in town so in the end i had to borrow my cousin's slk to fetch them. It was kind of a bumpy ride as they brought more things than before. My, you should have seen how their 'things reproduced'. So we stayed in the house until the car had been fixed. However, the car couldn't be fixed completely, so I had to use my father's car to bring everyone back to Semeling.
Well, of course, before going back to Semeling, we went to a few places in Penang. Since Ken and Mic wants to do some shopping, where else? Gurney Plaza and Prangin Mall is where I took them to. Poor Yik, he had to endure much. Other than shopping, I took them to Swatow Lane to have 'ais kacang', and Botanical Gardens to see monkey. Well, someone was not afraid of monkey attack and he taunted the monkeys. Watch out leh... After a tiring day spent at Penang, finally it is time to go back to Semeling, much to Yik's liking.
On Saturday night, I went online for a while. Then I saw Ah San's msn account being online. I messaged her and she straight away invited me to have a web-cam conversation. How nice it was to see that she was there studying with Sing Shia. I could still remember when I was back there. I was there, in the same room with Sing Shia and Sue Zin studying Communication Skills. Then I thought back of the times when Sing Shia and I went to Sue Zin's unit at around 2 a.m. to study Peripheral Nervous System & Pharmacotherapy, which the exam is on 9 a.m. the same day. 3 a.m. we went McD to eat. Crazy. When my dear 'wife' Wen Chian heard what we did, she commented on us being crazy. XD
I arrived in SP 7 p.m. in the evening, exhausted. I bathed, changed, and online. Then, I had dinner, then I was off to bed. I woke up this morning, having a blocked nose and I felt light-headed and drained of all energy. What could I do? I was debating against myself whether to go or not. In the end, I felt lazy and uncomfotable, so I ignored the idea of going to lectures. Then, in the afternoon, Ken smsed me saying that there is a pop-quiz for Chemistry. Instead of being in distress, I was like: "Ahh... rubbish... chap siau ee..."
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Introductory Clinical Tan Chemistry
My dear... I've got a younger sister, now only I know... her name's Qiu Ping... Same surname with me somemore... wah... everyday bombard me with Chemistry doubts until I don't know how to answer. Good leh, at least got someone to bug me with Chemistry, my passion. Eh, lil' sis, holiday leh, still bombard me with questions? hehe. Basically, the questions she asked were regarding atomic and ionic size of the elements of the periodic table. I am kind of happy having you as a sister! ^^
After Gwen's wedding dinner, of course, cousins would gather for mahjong cum gossip session. Then I took them to Gurney Plaza for window shopping (hehe, no money leh). All the while, messages were flooding into my sms inbox from various people and various places - SP, Alor Star, Setapak, Wangsa Maju, Cheras, Sibu, Segamat, JB, Ipoh, PJ, and even Sitiawan. They came, thought not on the same time but came consistently. My cousins, especially Robert/Liang Wern, couldn't stand it and he started to joke sarcastically.
Then cometh the time for my grandmother to journey home to Yala, known for danger of bombs. Actually, my uncle invited me to join him for a hike up Penang Hill on Tuesday morning but unfortunately, that was the day my grandmother planned to go back and I was to drive her until at the most Hadyai. So we set out early in the morning, well, not really early though, but around 9:30 a.m. like that la. Then reached Hadyai about before noon. We went straight to my aunt, Lay Choo's house, after praying at the Monkey God temple, then went shopping.
Suddenly, when it comes to the question on whether how should grandmother go back to Yala, many suggestion came: taxi, follow friend's car, bla bla bla. In the end, I thought, it had been a long time since I last set foot on Yala, which was about nine months - wow, a pregnant lady would have also given birth. It was also because of my grandfather. So in the end, I drove into Yala. I thought back of what I told my uncle: I will not drive into Yala. Now, I drove in.
So it was kind of a funny ride there as half-way, my grandmother asked me whether I could drive or not, and I answered, if I couldn't then? Would she drive it for me? Then she kept quiet and say she would ask my mother's youngest brother, Vinit/Keong, to come and drive instead. When asked about what would be of Keong's car, she said just leave it there. Of course, three of us had a good laugh at it. Then we reached Yala at about 6 p.m. then of course, we went shopping again despite the fear of being bombed. It was quite nice to see familiar faces of long I had not seen though I could only see them for a short while. Then the next day, it was the day for me to return to Penang. It was a bumpy and wet 6-hour drive with breaks and delays in between of course. In Nathawi, I went to the temple of the Goddess of Mercy to pray as it was also a very long time since I last visited the place. In Kedah and Penang, it was raining heavily that afternoon.
To share something about a student in AIMST, let us call him Bird Bird. This Bird Bird guy seems to be friendly but words of sacarsm comes out of his mouth each time he speaks. He is my senior in AIMST (only by education, not by age which makes him similiar to CBB). Twice he saw me in the library reading some books related to Medicine and he started teasing me about me reading materials out of the syllabus (both of us are presently foundation students). Twice! I just kept quiet and told him that I just read those things for the project I was doing - Phenylketonuria of Biology presentation though the exact reason was for interest. I found out that he too, were browsing through books like Physiology, Anatomy and Clinical Medicine. Well, it is like the pot calling the kettle black!
The third time, I was really looking for the meaning of a word in the Medical dictionary and there he came again, with his pseudo-smart, trendy, tacky look. Then he started to shoot me again. This time, whatever it might had cost, I was not going to let him go just like this so easily. He started off by greeting politely, that was kind of not normal. I thought I could axe my plan of making fun of him, but then his usual self came - "Whoa! Medical Student already huh?!" I gave him a mild, bored glance and told him, well, foundation students can also browse these books for there was no rule in the library saying that those books were only for medical students.
He then tried to change the topic but wasn't good at it. He asked me, what subjects I normally read (those out of syllabus ones). He even gave me examples - oh, Biochemistry? Physiology? And I told him plainly, Pharmacology. To my surprise, he looked stunned, and he asked me what Pharmacology is, a sudden 'gladness' came into me (oh, how Evil I am). My heart began to laugh, if it was audible, then the whole library and the ones outside the periphery of the library border would had heard it. It was a good thing I did not mention Medicinal Chemistry or Therapeutics. Funny lah, he wanted to be in the Medicine programme but doesn't know what Pharmacology is. HA! You would have been closely referred to CBB the CIBAI BIN fellow (name starts with a V) if you had done more harm.
So I was just being courteous to be kind enough to explain to him what Pharmacology is. He asked me whether I wanted to be a Pharmacist, and I questioned him back, is Pharmacology only for Pharmacy students? He couldn't answer as he didn't know. Hey, Bird Bird, tell you something, though I failed many times until I end up in AIMST, though your STPM results might be better than mine, it doesn't mean you're more knowledgable than I am! No doubt I am older than you one year and though it doesn't mean that I know more than you but I definitely had seen more than you had. I may be your junior but I have learnt subjects and things equivalent to 1st year Medical Students and 2nd year Pharmacy Students. I was once a Medical student and Pharmacy student before! One word of caution: BETTER CHECK YOUR OPPONENT'S BACKGROUND BEFORE SPARKING A SARCASTIC JOKE!
I am far away from you all. Very far away. E-Jun, Max & Xiang Bin, miss you all very much but you may not trust me. All those from the TAR family, take good care of yourselves and hope you all find your lovers. Don't forget me that time yeah! XD Wei Keat (though I seldom speak to you now, doesn't mean I dislike you or forgotten about you) and other P-life friends, may you all be in well being yeah!
To mama and papa and all other MD's final exam is over now, so hope you're enjoying your holidays safely. My dears, needless for me to mention your names, & Hui Zhong, Sok Nee, Michelle, Ah San! and of course all those related, you all are busy preparing for war, 6 subjects right? Scientific English for Special Purposes, Antimicrobial Therapy I, Cardiovascular System & Pharmacotherapy, Physical Pharmacy I, Biochemistry for Pharmacy, and Dispensing & Compounding. Better perform well.
Cai Hong, Cheow Yee, Saw Ean & other Food Sc. & Nutrition & Biotech fellows, study well and may we meet each other in the working world. Music, BABA, Psycho, anything else lah... I know you all but can't possibly put all names here. All the best to you all. Jason, wish I could see you in KL one last time before you further your studies to UK. Geok Im, would have continued having dinner and park visits with you if I were still there, and if your boyfriend allows, that is. Jon, would have visited you more times if I were to have a chance to remain studying there.
I still do not feel right not mentioning my dears' names, hehehe... FooChew ne but don't know how to speak FooChew punya Cik Tang Sia Chin o (always say shut up shut up)... the big cannon liar mother MADAM Tan Sing Shia (NINNER time! want to have NINNER?)... so called super leng lui Chow Soon Yee xiu je (sao pei time!)... Cute and always adorable but dangerous White Lady Wong Sue Zin (cha boh... cha po)... and... last of all... but not least la... XD my dear 'wife' Ms. Pang... Wen Chian (WEE!!!)!!!
Back there, everything was fine. Though it was KL, a place known for many people treated like dogs if he/she doesn't have money, I did not feel so even though I am not from a wealthy family. Does anybody near me know how I feel? The humiliation that I feel? The laughter and sarcasm of most people younger than I am? The insult some so called 'seniors' made upon me? CIBAI BIN!
屋檐如悬崖风铃如沧海我等燕归来
时间被安排演一场意外你悄然走开
故事在城外浓雾散不开看不清对白
你听不出来风声不存在是我在感慨
梦醒来是谁在窗台把结局打开
那薄如蝉翼的未来经不起谁来拆
我送你离开千里之外你无声黑白
沉默年代或许不该太遥远的相爱
我送你离开天涯之外你是否还在
琴声何来生死难猜用一生去等待
闻泪声入林寻梨花白只得一行青苔
天在山之外雨落花台我两鬓斑白
闻泪声入林寻梨花白只得一行青苔
天在山之外雨落花台我等你来
一身琉璃白透明着尘埃你无瑕的爱
你从雨中来诗化了悲哀我淋湿现在
芙蓉水面采船行影犹在你却不回来
被岁月覆盖你说的花开过去成空白
梦醒来是谁在窗台把结局打开
那薄如蝉翼的未来经不起谁来拆
我送你离开千里之外你无声黑白
沉默年代或许不该太遥远的相爱
我送你离开天涯之外你是否还在
琴声何来生死难猜用一生...
我送你离开千里之外你无声黑白
沉默年代或许不该太遥远的相爱
我送你离开天涯之外你是否还在
琴声何来生死难猜用一生去等待
After Gwen's wedding dinner, of course, cousins would gather for mahjong cum gossip session. Then I took them to Gurney Plaza for window shopping (hehe, no money leh). All the while, messages were flooding into my sms inbox from various people and various places - SP, Alor Star, Setapak, Wangsa Maju, Cheras, Sibu, Segamat, JB, Ipoh, PJ, and even Sitiawan. They came, thought not on the same time but came consistently. My cousins, especially Robert/Liang Wern, couldn't stand it and he started to joke sarcastically.
Then cometh the time for my grandmother to journey home to Yala, known for danger of bombs. Actually, my uncle invited me to join him for a hike up Penang Hill on Tuesday morning but unfortunately, that was the day my grandmother planned to go back and I was to drive her until at the most Hadyai. So we set out early in the morning, well, not really early though, but around 9:30 a.m. like that la. Then reached Hadyai about before noon. We went straight to my aunt, Lay Choo's house, after praying at the Monkey God temple, then went shopping.
Suddenly, when it comes to the question on whether how should grandmother go back to Yala, many suggestion came: taxi, follow friend's car, bla bla bla. In the end, I thought, it had been a long time since I last set foot on Yala, which was about nine months - wow, a pregnant lady would have also given birth. It was also because of my grandfather. So in the end, I drove into Yala. I thought back of what I told my uncle: I will not drive into Yala. Now, I drove in.
So it was kind of a funny ride there as half-way, my grandmother asked me whether I could drive or not, and I answered, if I couldn't then? Would she drive it for me? Then she kept quiet and say she would ask my mother's youngest brother, Vinit/Keong, to come and drive instead. When asked about what would be of Keong's car, she said just leave it there. Of course, three of us had a good laugh at it. Then we reached Yala at about 6 p.m. then of course, we went shopping again despite the fear of being bombed. It was quite nice to see familiar faces of long I had not seen though I could only see them for a short while. Then the next day, it was the day for me to return to Penang. It was a bumpy and wet 6-hour drive with breaks and delays in between of course. In Nathawi, I went to the temple of the Goddess of Mercy to pray as it was also a very long time since I last visited the place. In Kedah and Penang, it was raining heavily that afternoon.
To share something about a student in AIMST, let us call him Bird Bird. This Bird Bird guy seems to be friendly but words of sacarsm comes out of his mouth each time he speaks. He is my senior in AIMST (only by education, not by age which makes him similiar to CBB). Twice he saw me in the library reading some books related to Medicine and he started teasing me about me reading materials out of the syllabus (both of us are presently foundation students). Twice! I just kept quiet and told him that I just read those things for the project I was doing - Phenylketonuria of Biology presentation though the exact reason was for interest. I found out that he too, were browsing through books like Physiology, Anatomy and Clinical Medicine. Well, it is like the pot calling the kettle black!
The third time, I was really looking for the meaning of a word in the Medical dictionary and there he came again, with his pseudo-smart, trendy, tacky look. Then he started to shoot me again. This time, whatever it might had cost, I was not going to let him go just like this so easily. He started off by greeting politely, that was kind of not normal. I thought I could axe my plan of making fun of him, but then his usual self came - "Whoa! Medical Student already huh?!" I gave him a mild, bored glance and told him, well, foundation students can also browse these books for there was no rule in the library saying that those books were only for medical students.
He then tried to change the topic but wasn't good at it. He asked me, what subjects I normally read (those out of syllabus ones). He even gave me examples - oh, Biochemistry? Physiology? And I told him plainly, Pharmacology. To my surprise, he looked stunned, and he asked me what Pharmacology is, a sudden 'gladness' came into me (oh, how Evil I am). My heart began to laugh, if it was audible, then the whole library and the ones outside the periphery of the library border would had heard it. It was a good thing I did not mention Medicinal Chemistry or Therapeutics. Funny lah, he wanted to be in the Medicine programme but doesn't know what Pharmacology is. HA! You would have been closely referred to CBB the CIBAI BIN fellow (name starts with a V) if you had done more harm.
So I was just being courteous to be kind enough to explain to him what Pharmacology is. He asked me whether I wanted to be a Pharmacist, and I questioned him back, is Pharmacology only for Pharmacy students? He couldn't answer as he didn't know. Hey, Bird Bird, tell you something, though I failed many times until I end up in AIMST, though your STPM results might be better than mine, it doesn't mean you're more knowledgable than I am! No doubt I am older than you one year and though it doesn't mean that I know more than you but I definitely had seen more than you had. I may be your junior but I have learnt subjects and things equivalent to 1st year Medical Students and 2nd year Pharmacy Students. I was once a Medical student and Pharmacy student before! One word of caution: BETTER CHECK YOUR OPPONENT'S BACKGROUND BEFORE SPARKING A SARCASTIC JOKE!
I am far away from you all. Very far away. E-Jun, Max & Xiang Bin, miss you all very much but you may not trust me. All those from the TAR family, take good care of yourselves and hope you all find your lovers. Don't forget me that time yeah! XD Wei Keat (though I seldom speak to you now, doesn't mean I dislike you or forgotten about you) and other P-life friends, may you all be in well being yeah!
To mama and papa and all other MD's final exam is over now, so hope you're enjoying your holidays safely. My dears, needless for me to mention your names, & Hui Zhong, Sok Nee, Michelle, Ah San! and of course all those related, you all are busy preparing for war, 6 subjects right? Scientific English for Special Purposes, Antimicrobial Therapy I, Cardiovascular System & Pharmacotherapy, Physical Pharmacy I, Biochemistry for Pharmacy, and Dispensing & Compounding. Better perform well.
Cai Hong, Cheow Yee, Saw Ean & other Food Sc. & Nutrition & Biotech fellows, study well and may we meet each other in the working world. Music, BABA, Psycho, anything else lah... I know you all but can't possibly put all names here. All the best to you all. Jason, wish I could see you in KL one last time before you further your studies to UK. Geok Im, would have continued having dinner and park visits with you if I were still there, and if your boyfriend allows, that is. Jon, would have visited you more times if I were to have a chance to remain studying there.
I still do not feel right not mentioning my dears' names, hehehe... FooChew ne but don't know how to speak FooChew punya Cik Tang Sia Chin o (always say shut up shut up)... the big cannon liar mother MADAM Tan Sing Shia (NINNER time! want to have NINNER?)... so called super leng lui Chow Soon Yee xiu je (sao pei time!)... Cute and always adorable but dangerous White Lady Wong Sue Zin (cha boh... cha po)... and... last of all... but not least la... XD my dear 'wife' Ms. Pang... Wen Chian (WEE!!!)!!!
Back there, everything was fine. Though it was KL, a place known for many people treated like dogs if he/she doesn't have money, I did not feel so even though I am not from a wealthy family. Does anybody near me know how I feel? The humiliation that I feel? The laughter and sarcasm of most people younger than I am? The insult some so called 'seniors' made upon me? CIBAI BIN!
屋檐如悬崖风铃如沧海我等燕归来
时间被安排演一场意外你悄然走开
故事在城外浓雾散不开看不清对白
你听不出来风声不存在是我在感慨
梦醒来是谁在窗台把结局打开
那薄如蝉翼的未来经不起谁来拆
我送你离开千里之外你无声黑白
沉默年代或许不该太遥远的相爱
我送你离开天涯之外你是否还在
琴声何来生死难猜用一生去等待
闻泪声入林寻梨花白只得一行青苔
天在山之外雨落花台我两鬓斑白
闻泪声入林寻梨花白只得一行青苔
天在山之外雨落花台我等你来
一身琉璃白透明着尘埃你无瑕的爱
你从雨中来诗化了悲哀我淋湿现在
芙蓉水面采船行影犹在你却不回来
被岁月覆盖你说的花开过去成空白
梦醒来是谁在窗台把结局打开
那薄如蝉翼的未来经不起谁来拆
我送你离开千里之外你无声黑白
沉默年代或许不该太遥远的相爱
我送你离开天涯之外你是否还在
琴声何来生死难猜用一生...
我送你离开千里之外你无声黑白
沉默年代或许不该太遥远的相爱
我送你离开天涯之外你是否还在
琴声何来生死难猜用一生去等待
Monday, October 23, 2006
Principles of Gwen-Vincent-al Chemistry
Where in the world have you been hiding?
Really you were perfect.
I only wish I knew your secret,
Who is this new tutor?
Father once spoke of an angel,
I used to dream he'd appear,
Now as I sing I can sense him,
And I know he's here.
Here in this room he calls me softly,
Somewhere inside...hiding.
Somehow I know, he's always with me,
he's the unseen genius.
Angel of music,
Guide and Guardian,
Grant to me you glory!
Angel of music,
Hide no longer,
secret and strange angel...
Saturday was Deepavali and there was something kind of more grand to me that night. The Wedding Dinner of my dear cousin, Gwendelyn and her quite recently met boyfriend, Vincent. Generally, they got married in Singapore a few days before and she treated us on Saturday, and, of all places, at Tanjung Paradise. OMG... But what to do? XD
In the afternoon, all of us went to Gwen's house for a tea-drinking ceremony. Everyone was there and I knew every single faces though since I am quite close to the family and I knew most of the extended family members and relatives (as I am connected directly to Gwen both sides and the Singapore Kia has no representitive here in Penang). Well, since Esther was not there and she was in Australia, we started a video conversation with her via MSN messenger so that she could see the events here. Of course, I chatted with most people there as I knew them. People from both sides refered to me as a directory, identifying people.
I knew that night I would be quite busy as they would assign some tasks for me to help lessen their burden. Upon reaching the hotel, I helped them to take some things up to their hotel room, then I descended back to the ballroom with Gwen's extra-ordinary smart and fussy sister, Junie. Then the kay-poh work started. Jasmine (Ah Hoon) was there to help ushering guests to assigned tables. Alongside Jasmine, there were of course Aunt Bee Choo and Uncle Tai Hai, Junie, my parents, and some aunty-aunty. Gwen's brother, Chai was busy taking pictures here and there and his girlfriend, Sylvene did some usherings also. Two of Gwen's friends sat on a bench, taking care of the guestbook.
I noticed something: the presence of a moth, medium sized, and the colour was brown. It was flying into the ballroom via the main entrance when I approached the entrance. Not to say superstitious, but this thought automatically came to me - the moth represented my late Great Grandmother, who was Gwen's paternal Grandmother, who loved her very much. After it flew inside, I lost sight of it but many said they saw and one of my relatives said she saw the moth on the bride's table, the main table together and the moth left about half-way through the dinner.
Back to my task that night, I was assigned something quite dangerous - taking care of angpows... Every angpow received was passed to me to be kept in a bag and I was to safe-guard it. Well, of course, 50-50 bargain la... hahaha... The dinner went smoothly and everyone was kind of happy there. Some played pranks on the bride and bridegroom. Uncle Kok Hoe was the coolest. He invited Gwen and Vin to join us for karaoke and asked them to treat us. Of course, they rejected XD. Uncle Kok Hoe then joked that it was ok if they felt they needed to rest earlier or go back to sum up the total angpow money, they could go and sign for one round then let us settle the rest XD. I do not know they rejected this or not but I told Uncle Kok Hoe, no need, as the angpows were still in my keeping. Then the whole crowd said ok then, ignore Gwen and Vin then. XD
After the dinner, I joined Kok Hoe and the rest: Emily (Xiao Yug) & boyfriend Foo, Jasmine & husband Swee Leong (or some people calls him Leon), Kok Hoe & wife Lee Er, Liang Wern, Celia, Jessie, Irene, Su Ling and husband Teik. We went to Baby Cafe and loitered there until 1:30 a.m.. We played a lame game there and it went like this: in a group, there was a glass, half-filled with beer. Everyone had to spin two dices and we went in turns. Everyother spins were ignored/passed exept: doubles (i.e. two threes), seven, eight, and night. If one rolled a seven, he/she had two choices, to pass or to add beer onto the glass of beer. If he/she did so, he/she had to spin the dices again. If one rolled an eight, he/she had to drink half the amount of beer present and he/she had to spin again. If nine, then the whole amount of beer present, and spin again. If double (except two fours which would add up to 8), the turn sequence was reversed.
Liang Wern, who doesn't drink, had enough that night. He rolled quite a number of 8s and 9s consistantly. Luckily he was not drunk. Kok Hoe, unfortunately, vomited as claimed by Emily. hahaha. It was quite a lame game but not bad. XD
Then the next day came. I would skip the dreadry morning I had as it involved my mother and I am actually tired of mentioning the problems between me and her. In the afternoon, we went to Ipoh with some aunty-aunty and went until late at night. As I entered Ipoh, I recalled the time I was there, in the Fair City of the White Lady Sue Zin. The trip was not very enjoyable and I got very irritated. We reached Penang at about 10:30p.m. and reached home around 11p.m., then it was off to mahjong with Liang Wern, Celia, and Jessie. We played mahjong and chatted/gossiped to around 3 a.m.. Then I went out to look up at the sky, there were stars. This was one of my favourite moments and I intended to share this moment and experience with a good friend of mine, Kenny, but what I got in the end? A scolding from him in the next morning.
Really you were perfect.
I only wish I knew your secret,
Who is this new tutor?
Father once spoke of an angel,
I used to dream he'd appear,
Now as I sing I can sense him,
And I know he's here.
Here in this room he calls me softly,
Somewhere inside...hiding.
Somehow I know, he's always with me,
he's the unseen genius.
Angel of music,
Guide and Guardian,
Grant to me you glory!
Angel of music,
Hide no longer,
secret and strange angel...
Saturday was Deepavali and there was something kind of more grand to me that night. The Wedding Dinner of my dear cousin, Gwendelyn and her quite recently met boyfriend, Vincent. Generally, they got married in Singapore a few days before and she treated us on Saturday, and, of all places, at Tanjung Paradise. OMG... But what to do? XD
In the afternoon, all of us went to Gwen's house for a tea-drinking ceremony. Everyone was there and I knew every single faces though since I am quite close to the family and I knew most of the extended family members and relatives (as I am connected directly to Gwen both sides and the Singapore Kia has no representitive here in Penang). Well, since Esther was not there and she was in Australia, we started a video conversation with her via MSN messenger so that she could see the events here. Of course, I chatted with most people there as I knew them. People from both sides refered to me as a directory, identifying people.
I knew that night I would be quite busy as they would assign some tasks for me to help lessen their burden. Upon reaching the hotel, I helped them to take some things up to their hotel room, then I descended back to the ballroom with Gwen's extra-ordinary smart and fussy sister, Junie. Then the kay-poh work started. Jasmine (Ah Hoon) was there to help ushering guests to assigned tables. Alongside Jasmine, there were of course Aunt Bee Choo and Uncle Tai Hai, Junie, my parents, and some aunty-aunty. Gwen's brother, Chai was busy taking pictures here and there and his girlfriend, Sylvene did some usherings also. Two of Gwen's friends sat on a bench, taking care of the guestbook.
I noticed something: the presence of a moth, medium sized, and the colour was brown. It was flying into the ballroom via the main entrance when I approached the entrance. Not to say superstitious, but this thought automatically came to me - the moth represented my late Great Grandmother, who was Gwen's paternal Grandmother, who loved her very much. After it flew inside, I lost sight of it but many said they saw and one of my relatives said she saw the moth on the bride's table, the main table together and the moth left about half-way through the dinner.
Back to my task that night, I was assigned something quite dangerous - taking care of angpows... Every angpow received was passed to me to be kept in a bag and I was to safe-guard it. Well, of course, 50-50 bargain la... hahaha... The dinner went smoothly and everyone was kind of happy there. Some played pranks on the bride and bridegroom. Uncle Kok Hoe was the coolest. He invited Gwen and Vin to join us for karaoke and asked them to treat us. Of course, they rejected XD. Uncle Kok Hoe then joked that it was ok if they felt they needed to rest earlier or go back to sum up the total angpow money, they could go and sign for one round then let us settle the rest XD. I do not know they rejected this or not but I told Uncle Kok Hoe, no need, as the angpows were still in my keeping. Then the whole crowd said ok then, ignore Gwen and Vin then. XD
After the dinner, I joined Kok Hoe and the rest: Emily (Xiao Yug) & boyfriend Foo, Jasmine & husband Swee Leong (or some people calls him Leon), Kok Hoe & wife Lee Er, Liang Wern, Celia, Jessie, Irene, Su Ling and husband Teik. We went to Baby Cafe and loitered there until 1:30 a.m.. We played a lame game there and it went like this: in a group, there was a glass, half-filled with beer. Everyone had to spin two dices and we went in turns. Everyother spins were ignored/passed exept: doubles (i.e. two threes), seven, eight, and night. If one rolled a seven, he/she had two choices, to pass or to add beer onto the glass of beer. If he/she did so, he/she had to spin the dices again. If one rolled an eight, he/she had to drink half the amount of beer present and he/she had to spin again. If nine, then the whole amount of beer present, and spin again. If double (except two fours which would add up to 8), the turn sequence was reversed.
Liang Wern, who doesn't drink, had enough that night. He rolled quite a number of 8s and 9s consistantly. Luckily he was not drunk. Kok Hoe, unfortunately, vomited as claimed by Emily. hahaha. It was quite a lame game but not bad. XD
Then the next day came. I would skip the dreadry morning I had as it involved my mother and I am actually tired of mentioning the problems between me and her. In the afternoon, we went to Ipoh with some aunty-aunty and went until late at night. As I entered Ipoh, I recalled the time I was there, in the Fair City of the White Lady Sue Zin. The trip was not very enjoyable and I got very irritated. We reached Penang at about 10:30p.m. and reached home around 11p.m., then it was off to mahjong with Liang Wern, Celia, and Jessie. We played mahjong and chatted/gossiped to around 3 a.m.. Then I went out to look up at the sky, there were stars. This was one of my favourite moments and I intended to share this moment and experience with a good friend of mine, Kenny, but what I got in the end? A scolding from him in the next morning.
Friday, October 20, 2006
SP, Penang, Sarawak & Pharmacotherapy
SP = Sungai Petani = Sao Pei = Stupid Place = Stewpid Place = Sarawak Penang
Finally, the break started. On Wednesday, everyone was like in no mood of studying as they couldn't wait to go home! Those going back KL were in a herd to go back together while others go separately. Most Sarakwakians had to travel to Penang to fly to KL, and hence back to their hometowns. Ken, Khim Yik, and Michelle came back to Penang with me on Wednesday and took their flight back to Sarawak on Thursday afternoon.
Basically, straight away after class, I drove back to Penang. It was about 5 p.m. when I left SP and I estimated we would reach at 7 p.m. but Khim Yik said we would reach by 6 as the traffic on the highway before reaching the Penang Bridge branch was quite smooth. However, upon reaching the toll, hell, it jammed. It took us half an hour just to pass the toll and another half an hour to just cross the bridge. My guess was correct back then that there was an accident on the bridge, because the jam was just no normal. The vehicles were moving too slow though it was peak hour where many people finish their work. Michelle got quite a shock seeing so many cars surrounding my SLK (Stewpid Little Kelisa) and the slow jamming traffic.
After the mid-point of the bridge, the traffic went smoothly. Well, after the bridge, there was still jam in the island. I forgot my keys, so I had to go to my aunt's place to get the keys first before I could go back to my house. Hell, just to cross a traffic light, I had to wait for 4 intervals before I could cross. Imagine I had to wait for at least 3 traffic lights!!! However, we reached my house finally, safe and sound. Then we bathed before going out to Gurney Plaza. They commented on my house being clean. Thank God they didn't complain about the things in my house. 3 people staying in a house but the things were like belonging to 6.
We managed to shop in MPH in Gurney as we went there too late. Khim Yik, as usual, was too hungry to shop, so I took him down to the hawker centre to have something to eat first. OMG... the things there were so expensive, and I felt bad having to bring him to eat there. After he had something, we went up to MPH to search for Ken and Michelle. While they were busy looking around, something caught my attention... Practical Drug Treatment and Clinical Pharmacokinetics. I took those books and went to the Reader's Circle and read there.
However, time did not allow me to do further research as the time to leave drew nigh. So, what to do? Leave lah... I then took them to Northam Beach Cafe for dinner cum supper. OMG... expensive again... but nevermind... they are rich people... As usual, Ken would take photos of all food everyone was having... his camera always eats the food before the rightful owner does. Then it was time to go home, but, before that, MUACHEE! Upon reaching home, there were 3 corns and many chicken drumsticks awaiting our return. So we feasted again on the small round mahjong dining table with a bottle of Coke. Full! Bloated!
Then, off to bed! Midnight - another nightmare. Khim Yik started hitting everyone around him in his sleep. Ken got hit twice and I was displaced from my position of my sleep. Originally Ken slept on Khim Yik's right while I slept on his left. When morning comes, Ken was on his left while I was on his right. Why? because we had to move in order to protect ourselves!!! Then, morning came. Everyone got ready and the three packed and got ready to go home! I then took them to Jelutong market, as usual, where I would take most of my friends to when they visited Penang. They are the third group of people. First being David and Shi Yi, second being Sing Shia, Sue Zin and Wen Chian. This time, we had quite a lot of things - Khim Yik and Michelle took dried Wan Than Mee while Ken took Penang Hokkien Mee (Prawn Mee). I ordered Char Koay Teow (Ah Choo's) for them to try also. At least things are cheaper here. Then Ken wanted some toast and my father asked me whether we wanted roasted pork - who would resist?
After breakfast, we went round island before going to the airport. The time was just nice for us to do so and after round island, I sent them straight away to the airport, and I parted with them there. Well, though not that bitter a parting like when I parted from David and Shi Yi or Sing Shia, Sue Zin and Wen Chian, but I did feel a bit heavy hearted to see them leave. However, they'll be back next week, so no worries... Then I went home after dropping them at the airport. I slept for a while then online. Well, made two new friends, one whose name is Kin, or so as he called himself, and another one whose name is also Desmond. Both are nice people though.
But I had to leave early as I was to go to the hairstylist. I dyed my hair red and got it cut short. Then I came straight back home... Then I did nothing but just wait for the time to pass by. Then I slept. Suddenly, I received a few messages from Kin and Bee Teng and Kenny. I was too blur to answer them so I just kept my reply short. Suddenly Kin called me and chatted with me for more than an hour or at least an hour. We talked about many things but mostly about me... then after that, Desmond called... for a while la... then both of them slept, leaving me alone, so now, I am typing this blog...
狼牙月伊人憔悴我举杯饮尽了风雪
是谁打翻前世柜惹尘埃是非
缘字诀几番轮回你锁眉哭红颜唤不回
纵然青史已经成灰我爱不灭
繁华如三千东流水
我只取一瓢爱了解只恋你化身的蝶
你发如雪凄美了离别我焚香感动了谁
邀明月让回忆皎洁爱在月光下完美
你发如雪纷飞了眼泪我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉微醺的岁月我用无悔刻永世爱你的碑
rap:
你发如雪凄美了离别我焚香感动了谁
邀明月让回忆皎洁爱在月光下完美
你发如雪纷飞了眼泪
我等待苍老了谁红尘醉微醺的岁月
啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦儿啦
铜镜映无邪扎马尾你若撒野今生我把酒奉陪
Finally, the break started. On Wednesday, everyone was like in no mood of studying as they couldn't wait to go home! Those going back KL were in a herd to go back together while others go separately. Most Sarakwakians had to travel to Penang to fly to KL, and hence back to their hometowns. Ken, Khim Yik, and Michelle came back to Penang with me on Wednesday and took their flight back to Sarawak on Thursday afternoon.
Basically, straight away after class, I drove back to Penang. It was about 5 p.m. when I left SP and I estimated we would reach at 7 p.m. but Khim Yik said we would reach by 6 as the traffic on the highway before reaching the Penang Bridge branch was quite smooth. However, upon reaching the toll, hell, it jammed. It took us half an hour just to pass the toll and another half an hour to just cross the bridge. My guess was correct back then that there was an accident on the bridge, because the jam was just no normal. The vehicles were moving too slow though it was peak hour where many people finish their work. Michelle got quite a shock seeing so many cars surrounding my SLK (Stewpid Little Kelisa) and the slow jamming traffic.
After the mid-point of the bridge, the traffic went smoothly. Well, after the bridge, there was still jam in the island. I forgot my keys, so I had to go to my aunt's place to get the keys first before I could go back to my house. Hell, just to cross a traffic light, I had to wait for 4 intervals before I could cross. Imagine I had to wait for at least 3 traffic lights!!! However, we reached my house finally, safe and sound. Then we bathed before going out to Gurney Plaza. They commented on my house being clean. Thank God they didn't complain about the things in my house. 3 people staying in a house but the things were like belonging to 6.
We managed to shop in MPH in Gurney as we went there too late. Khim Yik, as usual, was too hungry to shop, so I took him down to the hawker centre to have something to eat first. OMG... the things there were so expensive, and I felt bad having to bring him to eat there. After he had something, we went up to MPH to search for Ken and Michelle. While they were busy looking around, something caught my attention... Practical Drug Treatment and Clinical Pharmacokinetics. I took those books and went to the Reader's Circle and read there.
However, time did not allow me to do further research as the time to leave drew nigh. So, what to do? Leave lah... I then took them to Northam Beach Cafe for dinner cum supper. OMG... expensive again... but nevermind... they are rich people... As usual, Ken would take photos of all food everyone was having... his camera always eats the food before the rightful owner does. Then it was time to go home, but, before that, MUACHEE! Upon reaching home, there were 3 corns and many chicken drumsticks awaiting our return. So we feasted again on the small round mahjong dining table with a bottle of Coke. Full! Bloated!
Then, off to bed! Midnight - another nightmare. Khim Yik started hitting everyone around him in his sleep. Ken got hit twice and I was displaced from my position of my sleep. Originally Ken slept on Khim Yik's right while I slept on his left. When morning comes, Ken was on his left while I was on his right. Why? because we had to move in order to protect ourselves!!! Then, morning came. Everyone got ready and the three packed and got ready to go home! I then took them to Jelutong market, as usual, where I would take most of my friends to when they visited Penang. They are the third group of people. First being David and Shi Yi, second being Sing Shia, Sue Zin and Wen Chian. This time, we had quite a lot of things - Khim Yik and Michelle took dried Wan Than Mee while Ken took Penang Hokkien Mee (Prawn Mee). I ordered Char Koay Teow (Ah Choo's) for them to try also. At least things are cheaper here. Then Ken wanted some toast and my father asked me whether we wanted roasted pork - who would resist?
After breakfast, we went round island before going to the airport. The time was just nice for us to do so and after round island, I sent them straight away to the airport, and I parted with them there. Well, though not that bitter a parting like when I parted from David and Shi Yi or Sing Shia, Sue Zin and Wen Chian, but I did feel a bit heavy hearted to see them leave. However, they'll be back next week, so no worries... Then I went home after dropping them at the airport. I slept for a while then online. Well, made two new friends, one whose name is Kin, or so as he called himself, and another one whose name is also Desmond. Both are nice people though.
But I had to leave early as I was to go to the hairstylist. I dyed my hair red and got it cut short. Then I came straight back home... Then I did nothing but just wait for the time to pass by. Then I slept. Suddenly, I received a few messages from Kin and Bee Teng and Kenny. I was too blur to answer them so I just kept my reply short. Suddenly Kin called me and chatted with me for more than an hour or at least an hour. We talked about many things but mostly about me... then after that, Desmond called... for a while la... then both of them slept, leaving me alone, so now, I am typing this blog...
狼牙月伊人憔悴我举杯饮尽了风雪
是谁打翻前世柜惹尘埃是非
缘字诀几番轮回你锁眉哭红颜唤不回
纵然青史已经成灰我爱不灭
繁华如三千东流水
我只取一瓢爱了解只恋你化身的蝶
你发如雪凄美了离别我焚香感动了谁
邀明月让回忆皎洁爱在月光下完美
你发如雪纷飞了眼泪我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉微醺的岁月我用无悔刻永世爱你的碑
rap:
你发如雪凄美了离别我焚香感动了谁
邀明月让回忆皎洁爱在月光下完美
你发如雪纷飞了眼泪
我等待苍老了谁红尘醉微醺的岁月
啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦儿啦
铜镜映无邪扎马尾你若撒野今生我把酒奉陪
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
我会好好过吗？
Finally finished PKU presentation for Biology and things seem to get lighter since holiday is near. Everyone is homesick and craving to go home. All cannot wait for Wednesday to come, then most would travel south or east. Well, it means I have to go back to the place I dread as much as I love - Penang Island.
Well, made new friends these few days with one called Kenny from SP. Now in such a short time, I had many miscommunications and misunderstandings with him. This results from me being too sensitive and his command of english being relatively ... ... not that wide. Well, not to say that I look down on him but misunderstandings between me and him do arise from this. Also, as a result of my unstable emotion state these few days, I tend to get extra-sensitive and emotional, thus misunderstandings arise.
Celebration of Sok Bee's birthday on last Friday night was kind of nice but I had another thing in mind. Everything was planned to begin at 10:45p.m. but I asked some people, namely those closer to me: Kai Liang, Ken, Khim Yik, Bee Teng, Li Chi and Yuan Xin to come down half an hour earlier as I had something to tell them. Something to confess. Something I had been hiding from them for 3 months or so. It took me a lot of courage to tell them. I do not know what would their reaction be. I planned to do something I like with them before telling them as I was afraid that I do not have the chance to do that again with them - playing the violin. XD However, things did not go as I planned as there were other people around at that time and Li Chi wasn't around as she wasn't feeling well, so I postponed to after the birthday celebration, no matter how late. I begged them to stay back as I wanted to tell them that night. I do not wish to postpone this anymore.
Sok Bee's birthday celebration was a small one but also quite enjoyable at the same time. We hid ourselves behind the new cafeteria where all lights were out, and we lit the candle lights while waiting for her to come. Though belated, I hope she really enjoyed herself. Well, as usual, I gave a few simple violin pieces to everyone: 东风坡，Kiss Goodbye, and Pachelbel's Canon in D Major, with an extra 龙卷风 this round.
After that, I urged all of them to go back to their respective rooms while asking Kai Liang, Ken, Khim Yik, Bee Teng and Yuan Xin to stay back. Li Chi did not respond to any of my calls, so be it that she was not meant to know that night. I felt so guilty so I apologised to them first as I have not been telling the truth to them. I have been hiding my P-life from them. I felt that it wouldn't be sincere if I were to keep on shielding it from them. I did not plan to do so earlier but since things gone haywire nowadays, I do not with to worsen the condition.
Telling them wasn't easy. The greatest obstacles there - fear and acceptance. I fear things would get worse and everyone would leave like electrons upon ionisation of the atom. Acceptance - could they accept my P-life, my past? Most are youngsters there, three years younger than I am. Exposure of friends and the mixture of the types of friends might not be diverse enough. I was just gambling that they've encountered such people with lives similar to mine before. Thus I told them. However, the condition I was in and the way I told them were not really nice.
I hope after they know my situation, they could understand me better or at least understand how I felt throughout this period of time and why my behaviour is the strangest amongst them. I hope now they understand why I could not let go of my life back in KL, where everything was so flawlessly perfect after a year there and suddenly all shattered into nothing - not even pieces nor powder. After one year struggling in KL to fit in and to get a coordinated happy-go-lucky life in KL, I finally found where I belong and my 'family' the CB-Sakai gang. Though only a short period of time, I felt as if I have been so close with them as if I were in their family. I felt accepted, fitted-in, I felt like I was meant to be there. Everything I could say out without having to think so much. I could just speak my heart out freely.
But things are not like that anymore. The perfect picture is shattered just like that just because of one paper - Biostatistics for Pharmacy. I can never forget this. It has really changed my life so drasticly. I could have remained back in KL but I chose this road. I feel very sad and bad. I chose this road because Pharmacy is still in my heart. As a result, I had to go through this life of dread. It was a very hard decision but I made it in a very short time. I gave up my a big part of my life - friends and love... I feel lifeless... Everything is like spent and dry...
Seeing some people over here really breaks my heart. People are good looking and they can read Pharmacy. I on the other hand is ugly and I can't even read Pharmacy. Failure. No match for them. No match for their stuck-up-ness also...
你的爱很像泡沫
太轻或太重 都不在手中
我的爱就像天空
太放或太收 你都只是风
你来过却爱上自由
你出走我不问理由
我会好好过 等你再爱我
总有个角落 会让你想起我
我会好好过 等你再爱我
向右或向左
都有我站在这里守候
你留下很多
够我面对寂寞
寂寞不重 纵使爱太弱
我会好好过 等你回头
会看到的一定是我
Well, made new friends these few days with one called Kenny from SP. Now in such a short time, I had many miscommunications and misunderstandings with him. This results from me being too sensitive and his command of english being relatively ... ... not that wide. Well, not to say that I look down on him but misunderstandings between me and him do arise from this. Also, as a result of my unstable emotion state these few days, I tend to get extra-sensitive and emotional, thus misunderstandings arise.
Celebration of Sok Bee's birthday on last Friday night was kind of nice but I had another thing in mind. Everything was planned to begin at 10:45p.m. but I asked some people, namely those closer to me: Kai Liang, Ken, Khim Yik, Bee Teng, Li Chi and Yuan Xin to come down half an hour earlier as I had something to tell them. Something to confess. Something I had been hiding from them for 3 months or so. It took me a lot of courage to tell them. I do not know what would their reaction be. I planned to do something I like with them before telling them as I was afraid that I do not have the chance to do that again with them - playing the violin. XD However, things did not go as I planned as there were other people around at that time and Li Chi wasn't around as she wasn't feeling well, so I postponed to after the birthday celebration, no matter how late. I begged them to stay back as I wanted to tell them that night. I do not wish to postpone this anymore.
Sok Bee's birthday celebration was a small one but also quite enjoyable at the same time. We hid ourselves behind the new cafeteria where all lights were out, and we lit the candle lights while waiting for her to come. Though belated, I hope she really enjoyed herself. Well, as usual, I gave a few simple violin pieces to everyone: 东风坡，Kiss Goodbye, and Pachelbel's Canon in D Major, with an extra 龙卷风 this round.
After that, I urged all of them to go back to their respective rooms while asking Kai Liang, Ken, Khim Yik, Bee Teng and Yuan Xin to stay back. Li Chi did not respond to any of my calls, so be it that she was not meant to know that night. I felt so guilty so I apologised to them first as I have not been telling the truth to them. I have been hiding my P-life from them. I felt that it wouldn't be sincere if I were to keep on shielding it from them. I did not plan to do so earlier but since things gone haywire nowadays, I do not with to worsen the condition.
Telling them wasn't easy. The greatest obstacles there - fear and acceptance. I fear things would get worse and everyone would leave like electrons upon ionisation of the atom. Acceptance - could they accept my P-life, my past? Most are youngsters there, three years younger than I am. Exposure of friends and the mixture of the types of friends might not be diverse enough. I was just gambling that they've encountered such people with lives similar to mine before. Thus I told them. However, the condition I was in and the way I told them were not really nice.
I hope after they know my situation, they could understand me better or at least understand how I felt throughout this period of time and why my behaviour is the strangest amongst them. I hope now they understand why I could not let go of my life back in KL, where everything was so flawlessly perfect after a year there and suddenly all shattered into nothing - not even pieces nor powder. After one year struggling in KL to fit in and to get a coordinated happy-go-lucky life in KL, I finally found where I belong and my 'family' the CB-Sakai gang. Though only a short period of time, I felt as if I have been so close with them as if I were in their family. I felt accepted, fitted-in, I felt like I was meant to be there. Everything I could say out without having to think so much. I could just speak my heart out freely.
But things are not like that anymore. The perfect picture is shattered just like that just because of one paper - Biostatistics for Pharmacy. I can never forget this. It has really changed my life so drasticly. I could have remained back in KL but I chose this road. I feel very sad and bad. I chose this road because Pharmacy is still in my heart. As a result, I had to go through this life of dread. It was a very hard decision but I made it in a very short time. I gave up my a big part of my life - friends and love... I feel lifeless... Everything is like spent and dry...
Seeing some people over here really breaks my heart. People are good looking and they can read Pharmacy. I on the other hand is ugly and I can't even read Pharmacy. Failure. No match for them. No match for their stuck-up-ness also...
你的爱很像泡沫
太轻或太重 都不在手中
我的爱就像天空
太放或太收 你都只是风
你来过却爱上自由
你出走我不问理由
我会好好过 等你再爱我
总有个角落 会让你想起我
我会好好过 等你再爱我
向右或向左
都有我站在这里守候
你留下很多
够我面对寂寞
寂寞不重 纵使爱太弱
我会好好过 等你回头
会看到的一定是我
Thursday, October 12, 2006
无字的请批
Yeah! today I got my new specs... love it... :p well... since now I'm waiting for someone, might as well crap something here. Hmm... I saw this evening's sky and I felt... celestial... beautiful clouds of yellow and pink and purple upon a pale azure sky. Makes me float...
Basically, I've made a new friend on Mid Autumn festival - Qiu Ping. She is a great girl. Truly nice and beautiful in her own way. I never knew her name but I noticed her presence in AIMST. hehehe... stewpid right? Mid Autunm festival was quite nice though but I did not really enjoy it. We heard that there would be a gathering at SP park/garden at night, so Chew Weng and Kai Liang organised a gathering there. I'm sure they all had a great time. It was kind of nice to see candle lights everywhere in the park at night. Beautiful.
Nowadays, school seems to be quite hectic. Lab reports, assignments, presentations, bla bla bla... Today, my biology presentation wasn't very good. My group, of Priya (dari sini) Darishini, Sobanah (so banana), and Li Chi (ah Chi), got the topic Phenylketonuria (PKU). It is an autosomal recessive genetic disease where phenylalanine accumulates in the blood due to lack of phenylalanine hydroxylase enzyme. It is due to the mutation which happens in chromosome number 12, the q (long) arm, position 22 to 24, where, in classic PKU, the amino acid argenine in the 408th position is substituted with tryptophan, thus resulting in either a non-functional protein or another type of protein produced instead of phenylalanine hydroxylase enzyme.
Generally, we divided the presentation into a few parts: Introduction, Genetics, Biochemistry, Pathophysiology, Clinical Medicine, and Treatment. Priya started off introducing superficially on what PKU is. Then I continued with the Genetics of PKU. I took over the Biochemistry part also as I am already quite familiar with the terms used and the Chemistry of phenylalanine (Thank you Dr. Thet! ). Phenylalanine is converted to tyrosine and this reaction is catalysed by the enzyme phenylalanine hydroxylase and its coenzyme tetrahydrobiopterin. If either the enzyme or the coenzyme is absent from the body, then phenylalanine cannot be conerted into tyrosine. This will cause accumulation of phenylalanine in the circulatory system.
Phenylalanine, will undergo an alternative metabolism to yield phenylpyruvic acid, phenylacetic acid, phenyllactic acid and phenylethylamine. The derivative phenylacetic acid, or phenylacetate, will give out a musty 'mousy' odour in sweat and urine. This is one of the symptoms of PKU. Since phenylalanine is in the circulatory system, it can be transported to the brain. There, the blood brain barrier (BBB) present to control substances moving in and out of the brain. Large amino acids like phenylalanine is transported across the BBB via the large neutral amino acid transporter (LNAAT). If the blood has high concentration of phenylalanine, then phenylalanine would competitively bind to the LNAAT with other amino acids. Phenylalanine would saturate the LNAAT, thus we can say only phenylalanine is transported to the brain. Since there is only phenylalanine in the brain and not much of other amino acids, the brain cannot grow or develop properly, thus causing mental retardation. This causes the degeneration of the Myelin sheath also and this would disturb the nerve conduction and nervous system (both centrally and peripherally). Therefore, patients of PKU often experience symptoms like seizures, slow reaction, and spasticity.
Tyrosine is important in the body as it is a precursor of many other things in the body like the pigment melanin, neurotransmitters epinephrine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. In PKU, since tyrosine is low, then the production of these chemicals would be less, thus resulting in the discoordination of the nervous system (centrally and peripherally). Low levels of melanin results in albinism.
There is no pharmacotherapy for PKU. The treatment is just to control the intake of phenylalanine for life. Screenings for PKU include enzyme assay to test for carriers of PKU, and Guthrie test, where the newborn baby's heel is pricked and the blood is tested on the growth of the bacteria Bacillus subtilis on beta-2-thyenylalanine. Beta-2-thyenylalanine inhibits the growth of the bacteria but it could be overcome by phenylalanine. Therefore, PKU patients, with high phenylalanine level in the blood, will result in a positive test where the bacteria could grow. Carriers of PKU are detected via enzyme assay where phenylalanine is administered orally, then the rate of clearance of phenylalanine from the body is being tested. For carriers, it takes about 8-10 hours for the phenylalanine to be cleared.
Sobana did on the Pathophysiology and Clinical Medicine I of PKU while Li Chi presented on Clinical Medicine II and Clinical Medicine III. We presented half-way only though as time does not allow us to finish the presentation. When it was time for Priya Darishini to present, Mr. Hoe asked us to stop as the time for Biology had ended. Priya was so so so agitated as she still had her part to finish (don't worry, everything will be fine).
Actually, I still feel rejected among the people here in AIMST. I do not know what I should do. I have been putting on the mask for these three months now and things began to go haywire yesterday when I had a misunderstanding with Li Chi. How am I suppose to tell everyone here? How am I suppose to tell Kai Liang and Bee Teng? What would be Khim Yik's and Qiu Ping's reactions? How would Ken and Michelle think of me? Could Chew Weng and Li Chi understand what I am going through? Of what impression would Billy and Yuan Xin have on me? Could we all be as close as we are now or closer? NO! I don't think so... If I were to reveal my P-life, then it would be a disaster. Kai Liang, Khim Yik, Ken, Chew Weng and Billy would move far far away from me... Bee Teng, Qiu Ping, Michelle, Li Chi and Yuan Xin would keep their distances from me... All will treat me different. Is it worth to take the risk? People are leaving my circle of love... slowly...
阿嬷不识字
但是伊识真多的代志
伊讲闪电是天的锁匙
锁匙打开有雨水
阿嬷不识字
但是有一张情批写乎伊
经过几十年不曾拆过
她讲写字不如相思
我爱的伊 欲来离开
伊讲孤单尚适合伊
无留半字 就断了过去
不甘心付出 为伊哮归暝
我爱的伊 欲来离开
伊讲孤单尚适合伊
山盟海誓 也失去意义
情批拢无字 痴心变青眠
我甲阿嬷问
阿嬷的情批是写啥咪
伊讲情人欲爱无勇气
才来用字骗情意
Basically, I've made a new friend on Mid Autumn festival - Qiu Ping. She is a great girl. Truly nice and beautiful in her own way. I never knew her name but I noticed her presence in AIMST. hehehe... stewpid right? Mid Autunm festival was quite nice though but I did not really enjoy it. We heard that there would be a gathering at SP park/garden at night, so Chew Weng and Kai Liang organised a gathering there. I'm sure they all had a great time. It was kind of nice to see candle lights everywhere in the park at night. Beautiful.
Nowadays, school seems to be quite hectic. Lab reports, assignments, presentations, bla bla bla... Today, my biology presentation wasn't very good. My group, of Priya (dari sini) Darishini, Sobanah (so banana), and Li Chi (ah Chi), got the topic Phenylketonuria (PKU). It is an autosomal recessive genetic disease where phenylalanine accumulates in the blood due to lack of phenylalanine hydroxylase enzyme. It is due to the mutation which happens in chromosome number 12, the q (long) arm, position 22 to 24, where, in classic PKU, the amino acid argenine in the 408th position is substituted with tryptophan, thus resulting in either a non-functional protein or another type of protein produced instead of phenylalanine hydroxylase enzyme.
Generally, we divided the presentation into a few parts: Introduction, Genetics, Biochemistry, Pathophysiology, Clinical Medicine, and Treatment. Priya started off introducing superficially on what PKU is. Then I continued with the Genetics of PKU. I took over the Biochemistry part also as I am already quite familiar with the terms used and the Chemistry of phenylalanine (Thank you Dr. Thet! ). Phenylalanine is converted to tyrosine and this reaction is catalysed by the enzyme phenylalanine hydroxylase and its coenzyme tetrahydrobiopterin. If either the enzyme or the coenzyme is absent from the body, then phenylalanine cannot be conerted into tyrosine. This will cause accumulation of phenylalanine in the circulatory system.
Phenylalanine, will undergo an alternative metabolism to yield phenylpyruvic acid, phenylacetic acid, phenyllactic acid and phenylethylamine. The derivative phenylacetic acid, or phenylacetate, will give out a musty 'mousy' odour in sweat and urine. This is one of the symptoms of PKU. Since phenylalanine is in the circulatory system, it can be transported to the brain. There, the blood brain barrier (BBB) present to control substances moving in and out of the brain. Large amino acids like phenylalanine is transported across the BBB via the large neutral amino acid transporter (LNAAT). If the blood has high concentration of phenylalanine, then phenylalanine would competitively bind to the LNAAT with other amino acids. Phenylalanine would saturate the LNAAT, thus we can say only phenylalanine is transported to the brain. Since there is only phenylalanine in the brain and not much of other amino acids, the brain cannot grow or develop properly, thus causing mental retardation. This causes the degeneration of the Myelin sheath also and this would disturb the nerve conduction and nervous system (both centrally and peripherally). Therefore, patients of PKU often experience symptoms like seizures, slow reaction, and spasticity.
Tyrosine is important in the body as it is a precursor of many other things in the body like the pigment melanin, neurotransmitters epinephrine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. In PKU, since tyrosine is low, then the production of these chemicals would be less, thus resulting in the discoordination of the nervous system (centrally and peripherally). Low levels of melanin results in albinism.
There is no pharmacotherapy for PKU. The treatment is just to control the intake of phenylalanine for life. Screenings for PKU include enzyme assay to test for carriers of PKU, and Guthrie test, where the newborn baby's heel is pricked and the blood is tested on the growth of the bacteria Bacillus subtilis on beta-2-thyenylalanine. Beta-2-thyenylalanine inhibits the growth of the bacteria but it could be overcome by phenylalanine. Therefore, PKU patients, with high phenylalanine level in the blood, will result in a positive test where the bacteria could grow. Carriers of PKU are detected via enzyme assay where phenylalanine is administered orally, then the rate of clearance of phenylalanine from the body is being tested. For carriers, it takes about 8-10 hours for the phenylalanine to be cleared.
Sobana did on the Pathophysiology and Clinical Medicine I of PKU while Li Chi presented on Clinical Medicine II and Clinical Medicine III. We presented half-way only though as time does not allow us to finish the presentation. When it was time for Priya Darishini to present, Mr. Hoe asked us to stop as the time for Biology had ended. Priya was so so so agitated as she still had her part to finish (don't worry, everything will be fine).
Actually, I still feel rejected among the people here in AIMST. I do not know what I should do. I have been putting on the mask for these three months now and things began to go haywire yesterday when I had a misunderstanding with Li Chi. How am I suppose to tell everyone here? How am I suppose to tell Kai Liang and Bee Teng? What would be Khim Yik's and Qiu Ping's reactions? How would Ken and Michelle think of me? Could Chew Weng and Li Chi understand what I am going through? Of what impression would Billy and Yuan Xin have on me? Could we all be as close as we are now or closer? NO! I don't think so... If I were to reveal my P-life, then it would be a disaster. Kai Liang, Khim Yik, Ken, Chew Weng and Billy would move far far away from me... Bee Teng, Qiu Ping, Michelle, Li Chi and Yuan Xin would keep their distances from me... All will treat me different. Is it worth to take the risk? People are leaving my circle of love... slowly...
阿嬷不识字
但是伊识真多的代志
伊讲闪电是天的锁匙
锁匙打开有雨水
阿嬷不识字
但是有一张情批写乎伊
经过几十年不曾拆过
她讲写字不如相思
我爱的伊 欲来离开
伊讲孤单尚适合伊
无留半字 就断了过去
不甘心付出 为伊哮归暝
我爱的伊 欲来离开
伊讲孤单尚适合伊
山盟海誓 也失去意义
情批拢无字 痴心变青眠
我甲阿嬷问
阿嬷的情批是写啥咪
伊讲情人欲爱无勇气
才来用字骗情意
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Oh no... First eruption in AIMST in just 2 months...
Things come and go like a flash of light. I never thought I would erupt so soon in AIMST. On Monday, there was a Chemistry lab session. As usual, Ken, Khim Yik and I would sit on one bench. On this day we had to do two experiments giving up to a total of three titrations to do. Ken suggested that he and Khim Yik would do the first two acid-base titrations while I do the second redox titration which involves the preparation of a solution of iron(II) ammonium sulphate. I agreed. When we wanted to tell Khim Yik our plan, Khim Yik told us his plan first. He asked Ken and I to do the one experiment while he and Vicky would do the second one.
I was kind of surprised to learn that Vicky is suddenly in our group. I told Khim Yik in a group, there can only be three members and the session before, I had already given our group memebers' names to Ms. Yuvarani, our lecturer and Vicky, obviously had already had his own group. Khim Yik said it is OK to have four people in our group but he would not listen. Ken told him also. Then he asked the lecturer. Then only he believed.
He asked Vicky to join Thomas, who was alone, but Vicky didn't want to. According to Khim Yik's explanation, he didn't want to make Vicky feel isolated, so he actually wanted to ask me to join Thomas instead. He did not explain to me his intention and he just plainly said: 'Why not you join Thomas?' Of course, hearing that without knowing his intentions, I got very angry! I thought, why should I leave the group because of a new member that you're bringing in? I felt chased away. I was very angry. I could have shouted but if I did, the lab session wouldn't be a nice one and it wouldn't run and end smoothly. I kept it to myself.
I came home that day and turned on the pc and chatted with a newly made friend. He had a strange name, or at least strange to my ears: Nelvin, or maybe he might have mistyped it. He lightened up my day and life a little. But Tuesday came and the whole morning, I was really hurt. Everytime I see Khim Yik's face or recall the incident, I felt a rage of fire in me and of pain in my heart! I spoke to Hui Ci, but in the end, I yelled telling her how I felt. Later that day, Khim Yik confronted me and everything was made clear then. I had a meeting with Zen Chia and we exchanged stories and we talked about Jason's birthday, and I suggested to pao angpow again... hahaha...
Today was another dreadful day. I roared at Hanis in the car because I told her not to touch the radio but she kept on switching it on... Haih... My new found friend is in KL. Everyone is in KL. Everything is in KL. This is what I have to pay for what I did in the past! I am doomed...
I was kind of surprised to learn that Vicky is suddenly in our group. I told Khim Yik in a group, there can only be three members and the session before, I had already given our group memebers' names to Ms. Yuvarani, our lecturer and Vicky, obviously had already had his own group. Khim Yik said it is OK to have four people in our group but he would not listen. Ken told him also. Then he asked the lecturer. Then only he believed.
He asked Vicky to join Thomas, who was alone, but Vicky didn't want to. According to Khim Yik's explanation, he didn't want to make Vicky feel isolated, so he actually wanted to ask me to join Thomas instead. He did not explain to me his intention and he just plainly said: 'Why not you join Thomas?' Of course, hearing that without knowing his intentions, I got very angry! I thought, why should I leave the group because of a new member that you're bringing in? I felt chased away. I was very angry. I could have shouted but if I did, the lab session wouldn't be a nice one and it wouldn't run and end smoothly. I kept it to myself.
I came home that day and turned on the pc and chatted with a newly made friend. He had a strange name, or at least strange to my ears: Nelvin, or maybe he might have mistyped it. He lightened up my day and life a little. But Tuesday came and the whole morning, I was really hurt. Everytime I see Khim Yik's face or recall the incident, I felt a rage of fire in me and of pain in my heart! I spoke to Hui Ci, but in the end, I yelled telling her how I felt. Later that day, Khim Yik confronted me and everything was made clear then. I had a meeting with Zen Chia and we exchanged stories and we talked about Jason's birthday, and I suggested to pao angpow again... hahaha...
Today was another dreadful day. I roared at Hanis in the car because I told her not to touch the radio but she kept on switching it on... Haih... My new found friend is in KL. Everyone is in KL. Everything is in KL. This is what I have to pay for what I did in the past! I am doomed...
Saturday, September 23, 2006
我爱的伊欲来离开。。。
我爱的伊欲来离开。。。
wa ai eh yee buey lai lee khui...
Leaving Penang Island after staying four days was kind of hard and heart-shattering for me though I was kind of glad at the same time. Going back to SP is another dread for me as I am still in room F4Q1B. Never before have I been in such a sizzling room, no different than my bedroom in Penang but what is worse, the room in F4Q1B is way far smaller... This year's intake for Pharmacy is full, so I have to wait for the one next year.
Finally 2 quizes were over, leaving behind 3 more to tread, and today, Mr. Hoe assigned us presentations and I got Phenylketonuria as the topic. Since he wanted us to present it and make a brochure out of it, I think it would be quite simple thanks to the trainings I had from UCSI, where I had to present for Microbiology, Pharmacology and Biostatistics, and also to make guidelines and brochure for Patient Counselling in Communication Skills. Not forgetting also the harsh way of Dr. Aishah pushing me in Biochemistry. I know, I've always been a fly that is waiting for the time to be squished and have already been in her eyes - hence I got the knowledge or at least the overview of Phenylketonuria.
Everything around me is stale to me. Nothing is colourful. Nothing is bright. Nothing is beautiful. Not in AIMST! I can tell you how miserable it is! To all those circle of friends in AIMST, King Ming and my dear little sister Hui Ci, thank you for your help and support all these while and I'm sorry your good intentions are brought to waste as my heart was already harden before this very day - I do not need so much time to adapt to the surroundings. To Khim Yik, thanks for bringing some meaning for me to be in AIMST. To Ken, thanks for creativity and fun that you brought into AIMST. To Kai Liang, thanks for bringing the 'air' of KL back to my life in AIMST. To Chew Weng, thank you for accompanying me in age.
There is one, who thinks she is very clever, always show her 'bak-pau' face. She is fair-skinned, but not pretty. She acts as if she is very pretty, and clever. Eh, sio cia... if you have not realised because you do not have a mirror, let me give you a mirror as a present for your birthday and I know it has just passed. A mirror so you can see and reflect your own thick-skinned face and realise how arrogant you are. I assure you, no matter how smart you can be in certain things, you will never be smart in all aspects, so this is my warning: don't be so arrogant! I will assure you this: I will teach and guide my little sister to beat you... NO! not beat you, to TRASH YOU!!! ! Especially in Chemistry!!! You will NOT beat any of my friends and least of all, my dear little sister!
This is not the place I wanted to be, but I have no other choice. How sad is it to learn that many Penangites there are VERY STUCK-UP! Islanders somemore! Several to many Chinese I encountered, even seniors, are really stuck-up! This is really a nightmare. I wish I won't continue be in this bad dream. Can you all not be more welcoming? Can you all not be more friendly? Can you all not be more polite and more approachable to people more elder than you all? I know I am OLD in this course! Even the seniors, nearly none is as OLD as I, or not even OLDER! Penangites... you disappoint me! My heart is hardened!
我爱的伊欲来离开。。。 You brought a smile to my face and you stimulate the release of dopamine in my synaptic cleft... You made me feel accompanied... wanted... loved... You brought light into the day and stars in the dark empty sky at night... But in the end, you walked out just like that and you left me all alone here... You do not even want to see me before leaving... 我爱的伊欲来离开。。。
wa ai eh yee buey lai lee khui...
Leaving Penang Island after staying four days was kind of hard and heart-shattering for me though I was kind of glad at the same time. Going back to SP is another dread for me as I am still in room F4Q1B. Never before have I been in such a sizzling room, no different than my bedroom in Penang but what is worse, the room in F4Q1B is way far smaller... This year's intake for Pharmacy is full, so I have to wait for the one next year.
Finally 2 quizes were over, leaving behind 3 more to tread, and today, Mr. Hoe assigned us presentations and I got Phenylketonuria as the topic. Since he wanted us to present it and make a brochure out of it, I think it would be quite simple thanks to the trainings I had from UCSI, where I had to present for Microbiology, Pharmacology and Biostatistics, and also to make guidelines and brochure for Patient Counselling in Communication Skills. Not forgetting also the harsh way of Dr. Aishah pushing me in Biochemistry. I know, I've always been a fly that is waiting for the time to be squished and have already been in her eyes - hence I got the knowledge or at least the overview of Phenylketonuria.
Everything around me is stale to me. Nothing is colourful. Nothing is bright. Nothing is beautiful. Not in AIMST! I can tell you how miserable it is! To all those circle of friends in AIMST, King Ming and my dear little sister Hui Ci, thank you for your help and support all these while and I'm sorry your good intentions are brought to waste as my heart was already harden before this very day - I do not need so much time to adapt to the surroundings. To Khim Yik, thanks for bringing some meaning for me to be in AIMST. To Ken, thanks for creativity and fun that you brought into AIMST. To Kai Liang, thanks for bringing the 'air' of KL back to my life in AIMST. To Chew Weng, thank you for accompanying me in age.
There is one, who thinks she is very clever, always show her 'bak-pau' face. She is fair-skinned, but not pretty. She acts as if she is very pretty, and clever. Eh, sio cia... if you have not realised because you do not have a mirror, let me give you a mirror as a present for your birthday and I know it has just passed. A mirror so you can see and reflect your own thick-skinned face and realise how arrogant you are. I assure you, no matter how smart you can be in certain things, you will never be smart in all aspects, so this is my warning: don't be so arrogant! I will assure you this: I will teach and guide my little sister to beat you... NO! not beat you, to TRASH YOU!!! ! Especially in Chemistry!!! You will NOT beat any of my friends and least of all, my dear little sister!
This is not the place I wanted to be, but I have no other choice. How sad is it to learn that many Penangites there are VERY STUCK-UP! Islanders somemore! Several to many Chinese I encountered, even seniors, are really stuck-up! This is really a nightmare. I wish I won't continue be in this bad dream. Can you all not be more welcoming? Can you all not be more friendly? Can you all not be more polite and more approachable to people more elder than you all? I know I am OLD in this course! Even the seniors, nearly none is as OLD as I, or not even OLDER! Penangites... you disappoint me! My heart is hardened!
我爱的伊欲来离开。。。 You brought a smile to my face and you stimulate the release of dopamine in my synaptic cleft... You made me feel accompanied... wanted... loved... You brought light into the day and stars in the dark empty sky at night... But in the end, you walked out just like that and you left me all alone here... You do not even want to see me before leaving... 我爱的伊欲来离开。。。
Friday, September 15, 2006
半醉半清醒
人讲这世情著爱看乎透
一世人呒好一直辽
This week is one of the stupidest week in my life. I am glad I managed to finish my impromptu speech with a smooth hearthbeat. This week, I did not go back to Semeling, not even a day. AIMST is really breaking my heart. I was just trying to make friends with a "senior" (senior by education level in AIMST only, not by age... nobody in Foundation Studies is as old as I am, neither are they older... :(...)and he ignored me! Never before have I seen one so stuck up! I can say it aloud here as I don't think he will ever read my blog. Neither will any AIMST fellow students... Why do these problems rise up in AIMST? Why in the North? Why at places near Penang Island that I love so much? I think I cannot blame him also as my way of approaching him was not to his liking (yeah... refer to where he grew up then you'll know why... :(...) It is very hard to make friends here in AIMST... CB! I'm counting down the days...
This morning, AIMST held a Merdeka Celebration and the rehersal was yesterday, so I planned to come back to Penang on Thursday and return on Sunday, but since I asked some of my friends to come to Penang, then my plan changed to returning to SP on Saturday. However it wasn't good news for my mother who called on Wednesday night. I was sleeping when she called and she got angry and scolded me because I slept at about 6 to 8 p.m.. I overheard my father commenting also! Wei, papa mama, can't I sleep if I am tired? Then when I spoke to her about my home-coming together with my friends, she felt offended! She asked me: 'Oh, you return home only when your friends are coming...' You see, she doesn't understand me at all! She has feelings, no doubt, but do I not have feelings also? That is the reason I seldom go back to Penang. To be scolded? No! I would rather rot in SP. My love for my parents are getting more and more diluted nowadays.
I drove home from SP yesterday afternoon after having a filling porridge prepared by my aunt. I drove slowly via the north-south highway and it was the first time i drove at an average of 90 km/h as I had time and I do not feel like reaching home. When I reached Penang Bridge, and as I approached the island, I suddenly realised how beautiful the island was that day. If I wasn't driving, then I would had taken a snap. I couldn't really describe it but the sun ray was just nice making the island green and the waters blue. I finally had that kind of homely feeling. However, some of my friends disappoint me by cancelling their trip to Penang. I was so enthusiastic and went throught emotional moments just to bring them here but all was lost...
This morning, I went to Penang Free School. I saw Ms. Koay Suan See and Ms. Lim Siew Hong there with Ms. Go and Ms. Tan. After chatting with them, I went to Tesco (of all places) and I realised, it was really different from Tesco Sg Petani. It seems brighter here in Penang and classier... ahahaha... just psychological effect... Then returned home. At night, I went out with my cousin to Tesco again and later, to Jelutong Market to have my dinner there. It was quite nice to be in Penang actually, but not home. I should appreciate it but I really cannot. I'm through with it. As usual, the nightlife in KL haunts me again... Sue Zin! Wen Chian! Soon Yee! Sia Chin! Sing Shia! I want to go back and bring you all out to dinner and supper together! I want to go to Liquid together with you! I want to stroll in Bandar Tun Razak's Park! I want to sing K together! I want to de-shell prawns for you! I want to go MV together! I want to see leng zai together with you all!
你讲咱对爱呒通稍计较
搏感情著爱寸步留
每一暗总有人有泪无地流
也总有人将真心锁著著
人讲这世情著爱看乎透
一世人呒好一直辽
每一暗总有人呒敢过情关口
参像咱幸福还搁块风中飘渺
啊心块半醉半清醒
自己最明了
定定心事若到嘴口
又搁掺酒吞落喉
啊朋友当作阮是无聊
阮拢笑笑呒敢哮
爱情是无疼嫌无够
受伤又过头
一世人呒好一直辽
This week is one of the stupidest week in my life. I am glad I managed to finish my impromptu speech with a smooth hearthbeat. This week, I did not go back to Semeling, not even a day. AIMST is really breaking my heart. I was just trying to make friends with a "senior" (senior by education level in AIMST only, not by age... nobody in Foundation Studies is as old as I am, neither are they older... :(...)and he ignored me! Never before have I seen one so stuck up! I can say it aloud here as I don't think he will ever read my blog. Neither will any AIMST fellow students... Why do these problems rise up in AIMST? Why in the North? Why at places near Penang Island that I love so much? I think I cannot blame him also as my way of approaching him was not to his liking (yeah... refer to where he grew up then you'll know why... :(...) It is very hard to make friends here in AIMST... CB! I'm counting down the days...
This morning, AIMST held a Merdeka Celebration and the rehersal was yesterday, so I planned to come back to Penang on Thursday and return on Sunday, but since I asked some of my friends to come to Penang, then my plan changed to returning to SP on Saturday. However it wasn't good news for my mother who called on Wednesday night. I was sleeping when she called and she got angry and scolded me because I slept at about 6 to 8 p.m.. I overheard my father commenting also! Wei, papa mama, can't I sleep if I am tired? Then when I spoke to her about my home-coming together with my friends, she felt offended! She asked me: 'Oh, you return home only when your friends are coming...' You see, she doesn't understand me at all! She has feelings, no doubt, but do I not have feelings also? That is the reason I seldom go back to Penang. To be scolded? No! I would rather rot in SP. My love for my parents are getting more and more diluted nowadays.
I drove home from SP yesterday afternoon after having a filling porridge prepared by my aunt. I drove slowly via the north-south highway and it was the first time i drove at an average of 90 km/h as I had time and I do not feel like reaching home. When I reached Penang Bridge, and as I approached the island, I suddenly realised how beautiful the island was that day. If I wasn't driving, then I would had taken a snap. I couldn't really describe it but the sun ray was just nice making the island green and the waters blue. I finally had that kind of homely feeling. However, some of my friends disappoint me by cancelling their trip to Penang. I was so enthusiastic and went throught emotional moments just to bring them here but all was lost...
This morning, I went to Penang Free School. I saw Ms. Koay Suan See and Ms. Lim Siew Hong there with Ms. Go and Ms. Tan. After chatting with them, I went to Tesco (of all places) and I realised, it was really different from Tesco Sg Petani. It seems brighter here in Penang and classier... ahahaha... just psychological effect... Then returned home. At night, I went out with my cousin to Tesco again and later, to Jelutong Market to have my dinner there. It was quite nice to be in Penang actually, but not home. I should appreciate it but I really cannot. I'm through with it. As usual, the nightlife in KL haunts me again... Sue Zin! Wen Chian! Soon Yee! Sia Chin! Sing Shia! I want to go back and bring you all out to dinner and supper together! I want to go to Liquid together with you! I want to stroll in Bandar Tun Razak's Park! I want to sing K together! I want to de-shell prawns for you! I want to go MV together! I want to see leng zai together with you all!
你讲咱对爱呒通稍计较
搏感情著爱寸步留
每一暗总有人有泪无地流
也总有人将真心锁著著
人讲这世情著爱看乎透
一世人呒好一直辽
每一暗总有人呒敢过情关口
参像咱幸福还搁块风中飘渺
啊心块半醉半清醒
自己最明了
定定心事若到嘴口
又搁掺酒吞落喉
啊朋友当作阮是无聊
阮拢笑笑呒敢哮
爱情是无疼嫌无够
受伤又过头
Sunday, September 10, 2006
The Music of the Night...
Hence comes again my imagination of the nightlife in KL... The soothing tin whistle and relaxing guitar of 一千年以前 takes me back to where I used to be with the CB-Sakais... If I had passed Biostatistics, I wonder how my life would be now. Through out this week, many things happened. Mostly unwanted...
Firstly, I got a call from my mother last week, saying that my grandfather nearly got killed by a bomb in Thailand. He was gambling mahjong as usual and thank God when he left, he forgot to take his mobile phone. Then the owner of the house where he played mahjong called him back, he turned back into the house, then came a KABOOM! His forgetfulness saved him that day. I was so shocked to hear the news. According to my grandparents, seven places were bombed at the same day but different time and mostly were banks.
Secondly, my ex-tuition teacher, Mr. Ooi was hospitalised. For what reason I do not know. I read it in my mother's email and I guessed it should be his Parkinsonism and low back pain that caused him to be admitted. I couldn't get back though as there were classes to attend.
Thirdly, my third attempt to switch room upstairs failed again! There was a strange student and he moved in on the day I wanted to illegally move in. Well, maybe I shouldn't illegally move in but it is really heart-breaking that I could not move up staying with people I'm comfortable with. Now, the black witch sandra bullock wants to reshuffle our rooms. Come on, you are the one who assigned rooms to us and when I requested for a change of room, you decline my request, and now you want to charge me for more and force me to shift if I refuse to pay yeah?! Black Witch!
Fourthly, one of my classmate, Jasmin Sofia, fell on the stairs and fractured her pelvic bone. She could hardly move and it was painful. The stewpid AIMST doctor asked her stewpid questions asking whether it is painful and whether she cried. Eh, the patient had already said it was painful and it is needless for you to know whether she cried or not! Treat her instead of asking her stewpid questions!
Fifthly, Zen Chia had finished her exams and she'd left for Penang... sob! sob!... I'm left here all alone in this cold world of... WAIT! not cold... hmm... burning hot cruel like hell world of AIMST... How sad am I to see some Indian students of C4A writing something not that nice... I am totally disappointed with them! This they wrote on the whiteboard of a lecture room: "AIMST is not for Chinese!" I am more than shocked to see them write this. How boiled I was at that time that I was tempted to step right up against them. However, they were too many and I am not strong enough... I was overpowered that time. Never before have I encountered such things in a college. Evem UCSI was not like this. I was there in Sedaya for one year and I have not seen such things happening. There were no discriminations... of course conflicts do exist but not such discriminations.
Sixthly, I am trying my best to save money to get something I really really like now and I'm trying not to spend even a cent so that I could get my hands on that thing by November this year. However, things don't go smoothly as usual. Thanks for my kindheartedness and careleseness, I bought the wrong file for Caleb. He told me he wanted the file like King Ming's but I heard that he wanted the file like that of Khim Yik's. So, I have to 'makan' the file myself... not only this, there are many other incidents that make me couldn't save...
At least there is one happy thing: Khim Yik's birthday. We bought him a Secret Recipe Oreo Cheese Cake and a birthday card. Hope he liked them. My friends had quite a great time playing and celebrating, good for them. They spashed him with water and pushed his face onto the cake. Kai Liang and I were just going to scare him by applying slight pressure onto his head when he lifted the candle using his mouth but King Ming pushed his head into the cake - OH! gone! Secret Recipy cake!!! Gone with the Wind!... I tried to have a good time too but it was very tiring. My body aches until now. That was why I yelled during lunchtime at Aman Jaya and everyone look at me. I was eating and my shoulders were already in pain and Phiaw Chong squeezed my shoulders. I shouted in pain quite loud and he stopped for a while. Then suddenly, he continued to squeeze and I felt it became more painful. I couldn't endure anymore and I yelled. There was a sudden silence and everyone was like looking towards me.
I am tired... very tired of my life here... Now I'm threading through Uncertain Paths... Meeting people I do not wish to meet... Encountering things I don't like...
Firstly, I got a call from my mother last week, saying that my grandfather nearly got killed by a bomb in Thailand. He was gambling mahjong as usual and thank God when he left, he forgot to take his mobile phone. Then the owner of the house where he played mahjong called him back, he turned back into the house, then came a KABOOM! His forgetfulness saved him that day. I was so shocked to hear the news. According to my grandparents, seven places were bombed at the same day but different time and mostly were banks.
Secondly, my ex-tuition teacher, Mr. Ooi was hospitalised. For what reason I do not know. I read it in my mother's email and I guessed it should be his Parkinsonism and low back pain that caused him to be admitted. I couldn't get back though as there were classes to attend.
Thirdly, my third attempt to switch room upstairs failed again! There was a strange student and he moved in on the day I wanted to illegally move in. Well, maybe I shouldn't illegally move in but it is really heart-breaking that I could not move up staying with people I'm comfortable with. Now, the black witch sandra bullock wants to reshuffle our rooms. Come on, you are the one who assigned rooms to us and when I requested for a change of room, you decline my request, and now you want to charge me for more and force me to shift if I refuse to pay yeah?! Black Witch!
Fourthly, one of my classmate, Jasmin Sofia, fell on the stairs and fractured her pelvic bone. She could hardly move and it was painful. The stewpid AIMST doctor asked her stewpid questions asking whether it is painful and whether she cried. Eh, the patient had already said it was painful and it is needless for you to know whether she cried or not! Treat her instead of asking her stewpid questions!
Fifthly, Zen Chia had finished her exams and she'd left for Penang... sob! sob!... I'm left here all alone in this cold world of... WAIT! not cold... hmm... burning hot cruel like hell world of AIMST... How sad am I to see some Indian students of C4A writing something not that nice... I am totally disappointed with them! This they wrote on the whiteboard of a lecture room: "AIMST is not for Chinese!" I am more than shocked to see them write this. How boiled I was at that time that I was tempted to step right up against them. However, they were too many and I am not strong enough... I was overpowered that time. Never before have I encountered such things in a college. Evem UCSI was not like this. I was there in Sedaya for one year and I have not seen such things happening. There were no discriminations... of course conflicts do exist but not such discriminations.
Sixthly, I am trying my best to save money to get something I really really like now and I'm trying not to spend even a cent so that I could get my hands on that thing by November this year. However, things don't go smoothly as usual. Thanks for my kindheartedness and careleseness, I bought the wrong file for Caleb. He told me he wanted the file like King Ming's but I heard that he wanted the file like that of Khim Yik's. So, I have to 'makan' the file myself... not only this, there are many other incidents that make me couldn't save...
At least there is one happy thing: Khim Yik's birthday. We bought him a Secret Recipe Oreo Cheese Cake and a birthday card. Hope he liked them. My friends had quite a great time playing and celebrating, good for them. They spashed him with water and pushed his face onto the cake. Kai Liang and I were just going to scare him by applying slight pressure onto his head when he lifted the candle using his mouth but King Ming pushed his head into the cake - OH! gone! Secret Recipy cake!!! Gone with the Wind!... I tried to have a good time too but it was very tiring. My body aches until now. That was why I yelled during lunchtime at Aman Jaya and everyone look at me. I was eating and my shoulders were already in pain and Phiaw Chong squeezed my shoulders. I shouted in pain quite loud and he stopped for a while. Then suddenly, he continued to squeeze and I felt it became more painful. I couldn't endure anymore and I yelled. There was a sudden silence and everyone was like looking towards me.
I am tired... very tired of my life here... Now I'm threading through Uncertain Paths... Meeting people I do not wish to meet... Encountering things I don't like...
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Take Me Back... Allow Me To Go Back... Please... I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!
Today... was a fine day... It rained in the morning, suddenly Hui Ci came to me and asked me some questions. Nowadays, I admit that I'm not having a great time even when I visited Tupah or Tanjung Dawai or Lembah Bujang or Pantai Merdeka with great people like King Ming, Hui Ci, Ken, Khim Yik, Kai Liang, and Pei Wen... How glad I was to see Zen Chia when I was about to attend Maths Lecture today. I asked her whether she wanted to go Central Square with me later, she agreed... After Maths, I went to Central Square with Zen Chia and Khim Yik. I was there to get cards for two of my friends while Zen Chia was there for food, else Khim Yik was there for a hair cut.
I was driving back from Semeling to Sungai Petani at around 7:18 p.m. and I suddenly saw the clouds in the sky. I noticed that they looked like horses, snowy-white horses, prancing through an azure cascading sky blended with a paste of tangerine as the sun westerned. My heart flew back to where I used to be last year. I would be at Connaught's playground, sitting on the swing, with the wind blowing against my face while I looked up towards the sky, appreciating the evening pink sky.
Where and to whom can I speak freely of my dual personality? To speak freely of my P-life? Without fear of people shying away or condemning! Without people discriminating me! Without having to hide who I am! Without people treating me differently and with fear! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!! Sia Chin! Sing Shia! Soon Yee! Sue Zin! Wen Chian! Where are you now? Hui Zhong! Ah San! David! Jo-Lyn! Xin Thien! Robin! Where am I now? Shin Min! Cai Hong! Jon! Geok Im! Min Ran! What am I doing here in AIMST? Xiang Bin! Max! Fansu! Ching Mun! Jason! Mun Kit! Should I have done Chemistry in UTAR? Prof. Dr. Zab! Dr. Thet! Ms. Saw! Ms. Wong! Ms. Lilian Leong! Dr. Hadi! Which path should I have taken?
I cannot let go of the past! How long more should I need? Every night, memories of the past haunts me. The night life, the traffic jam, the lights, the lifestyle, even the environment at the roadside comes to me. I felt as if I was still there. I felt as if I was strolling in the parks of Bandar Tun Razak and Amcorp Mall in the evenings while Lost World in the nights. When I went to Tupah with Ken, King Ming, Hui Ci, and Kai Liang, I felt I was taken back to Bandar Tun Razak's park of Tasik Sri Permaisuri with Sue Zin, Wen Chian, and Sing Shia, strolling under the shades of the trees. When I was in Tanjung Dawai and Pantai Merdeka, I thought of Geok Im and I walking at the periphery of the lake in Amcorp Mall's park. Tears would flow out automatically but I used a psychological tear gland inhibitor, telling myself that I should be lucky to be able to be in AIMST. However, I am cheating myself... Sadly, I am! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
I was driving back from Semeling to Sungai Petani at around 7:18 p.m. and I suddenly saw the clouds in the sky. I noticed that they looked like horses, snowy-white horses, prancing through an azure cascading sky blended with a paste of tangerine as the sun westerned. My heart flew back to where I used to be last year. I would be at Connaught's playground, sitting on the swing, with the wind blowing against my face while I looked up towards the sky, appreciating the evening pink sky.
Where and to whom can I speak freely of my dual personality? To speak freely of my P-life? Without fear of people shying away or condemning! Without people discriminating me! Without having to hide who I am! Without people treating me differently and with fear! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!! Sia Chin! Sing Shia! Soon Yee! Sue Zin! Wen Chian! Where are you now? Hui Zhong! Ah San! David! Jo-Lyn! Xin Thien! Robin! Where am I now? Shin Min! Cai Hong! Jon! Geok Im! Min Ran! What am I doing here in AIMST? Xiang Bin! Max! Fansu! Ching Mun! Jason! Mun Kit! Should I have done Chemistry in UTAR? Prof. Dr. Zab! Dr. Thet! Ms. Saw! Ms. Wong! Ms. Lilian Leong! Dr. Hadi! Which path should I have taken?
I cannot let go of the past! How long more should I need? Every night, memories of the past haunts me. The night life, the traffic jam, the lights, the lifestyle, even the environment at the roadside comes to me. I felt as if I was still there. I felt as if I was strolling in the parks of Bandar Tun Razak and Amcorp Mall in the evenings while Lost World in the nights. When I went to Tupah with Ken, King Ming, Hui Ci, and Kai Liang, I felt I was taken back to Bandar Tun Razak's park of Tasik Sri Permaisuri with Sue Zin, Wen Chian, and Sing Shia, strolling under the shades of the trees. When I was in Tanjung Dawai and Pantai Merdeka, I thought of Geok Im and I walking at the periphery of the lake in Amcorp Mall's park. Tears would flow out automatically but I used a psychological tear gland inhibitor, telling myself that I should be lucky to be able to be in AIMST. However, I am cheating myself... Sadly, I am! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
Thursday, August 31, 2006
一千年以前
AIMST AIMST AIMST... haih... quite a lot of activities... Curricular wise, presentations, tutorials, bla bla bla... Otherwise, went to Tupah, Tanjung Dawai and Lembah Bujang with Ken, King Ming, Michelle, Hui Ci, and Kai Liang... I have been socialising around quite fine though not really at the optimum level. I came to AIMST with a new life, free from P-life. I decided to keep one side of my dual personality a secret in AIMST. I thought of leaving all my past back in KL. I thought nobody in AIMST would know my split personality save Zen Chia... how careless I was to let my sis and bro: Hui Ci & King Ming found out. Initially, I was in fear. I fear that after knowing about my P-life, they would react differently. I had been quite close to King Ming and Hui Ci already and I do not wish for my bond with them to disintegrate but my carelessness betrayed me...
I hate my life now... I'm not enjoying every second of it... I kind of regret coming here to AIMST. EVERYTHING IS LIKE AGAINST ME!!! GET LOST! I WANT TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS WHERE I CAN LIVE FREELY WITHOUT HAVING TO HIDE MY DUAL PERSONALITY!!! I'm feeling down... I'm beginning to hate everything... I hate myself the most! I have such P-Life... Many things go against my will... I couldn't move to my friend's unit... and comes one CBbin (CB face) a.k.a. Magneto a.k.a. Magnet a.k.a. Flying Fox a.k.a. Bird Legs... CB! PK! LC! STEWPID CBkia! USELESS CHRISTIAN... Strong Christian, kononnya... What a disgrace he is to Christianity... The Bible condemn some activities but the Bible does not condemn the people who lived a P-life! hey, CBbin, go back and do your homework before commenting on something ok? It is a disaster, I'm not the only one who finds him irratating. Others include Phiaw Chong's friends, most AIMST Chinese students, Khim Yik, Ken and King Ming. However, the real disaster is, Michelle has good impressions on him... Hey, CIBAIBIN! I tell you, you'll not understand the feelings on those living a P-Life, so don't condemn us! You're going against us! YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND US SO DON'T JUST FOLLOW THE BOOK WITHOUT BEING PRACTICAL!!! CIBAIBIN!
ENOUGH of HIM! if I continue, I would end up giving my laptop screen a knuckle duster! Had I got a chance to fight with him, I would fight till my last breath, even if I were to one being defeated or even if it costs me my life! Such people, NO! Such ANIMALS! hmm... no... Such COLD-BLOODED ANIMALS do not get much respect... least of all from me! Other Christians do not condemn the people, not like you! shame on you! CIBAIBIN! CIBAIKIA! GET LOST!
I want to go back to KL and study there... I miss you all... I love you all!!! NO! I don't want to stay here! I cannot let you all go! I thought I've let go of my friends in KL, CB-Sakais and P-Life in KL... I thought I have made it... but... I can't... I cannot let all of these go... I can't let go... It is all coming back to me... and It brings me back to the past!... Take me back with you... Take Me Home...
一千年以后
Well, I'm adapting to life at AIMST... basically, what I learn there are most what I've already learnt save Physics. Chemistry... muhaahahahaha... I am going to master Chemistry there thanks to my love for the subject and Dr. Thet: Chichibabin Reaction... Biology... Well, some basic cell biology and physiology I'm already quite familiar with, thanks to year 1 Pharmacy and Ms. Wong Kuan Yau... Other than that, everything is well... I even prayed to the hungry ghost spirits during the middle of the 7th moon, in AIMST Semeling Campus...
Haih... She left... My great grandmother... she left... but it is also a good thing... she need not suffer any longer... the 14th of August 2006 would be her funeral and all of us have to wear red as she is over a hundred years of age... She left on the 10th of August 2006 at around 9:40 a.m. and at that time, I was on my way to AIMST to attend Mr. Hoe's lecture. I had a funny feeling inside me and I felt like my stomach was not comfortable, but it wasn't because of stomachache. I ignored that feeling though I should have figured out something happened to my great grandmother as the night before, my mother mentioned in her e-mail that my great grandmother was back to the condition when she was in the hospital and Aunt Gaik Bee told me that my great grandmother was in critical condition. I had in mind that that weekend, I would want to go back and pay her a visit.
However, on that evening itself while waiting for Mr. Temudhu to start his lecture, my cousin, Chu Chai, called me and asked for my mother's mobile phone number. I gave him her number without further thinking what may the cause be. After ending the call, something bothers me suddenly. I began to think: why did he asked for my mother's mobile phone number? They could have easily called her office number, and my mother seldom uses her mobile phone. She hardly switches on her phone. So, I sent Chu Chai an SMS saying that he could reach my mother by calling to her office, and in that message, I asked him what was going on. As I suspect, Chu Chai replied:
Guess you still don't know...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Great grandma has gone up to heaven to find great grandpa...
I asked when she left and they said in the morning. She drew her last breath when I felt uneasy... I was stunned though expected. I could not describe on what I was going through that time. My vision widened but everything seemed to blend into 2-dimention. The chattings and screamings of my classmates in the lecture hall began to fade as if blending to a standard volume regardless of the loudness and distance. I felt light instead of heavy. She left... 
I didn't get to see her on last time. Friday came and I went back to Penang and I gave Chew Weng a lift to Penang to his aunt's place. I went to Pulau Tikus straight away and I saw that some people were already there. Gwen helped me with the joss stick and Aunt Bee Choo asked me whether I would want to look at great grandma. I looked into the coffin and saw a familiar face. Instead of a dead person's face, I saw an old lady sleeping peacefully. There was no fear in anybody's eyes. I attended the ceremony which lasted for five days. only the second night and the fourth night was I there. I planned to attend her funeral on Monday, 14th of August 2006 but my father said it doesn't matter since I have already paid respect to her on the second and fourth night. He insisted on me going back to Semeling to study, but I don't feel so... She loved me, though not the most but she still loved me. She had been over a hundred years old and she was my last existing great grandparent.
I didn't get to see her on last time. Friday came and I went back to Penang and I gave Chew Weng a lift to Penang to his aunt's place. I went to Pulau Tikus straight away and I saw that some people were already there. Gwen helped me with the joss stick and Aunt Bee Choo asked me whether I would want to look at great grandma. I looked into the coffin and saw a familiar face. Instead of a dead person's face, I saw an old lady sleeping peacefully. There was no fear in anybody's eyes. I attended the ceremony which lasted for five days. only the second night and the fourth night was I there. I planned to attend her funeral on Monday, 14th of August 2006 but my father said it doesn't matter since I have already paid respect to her on the second and fourth night. He insisted on me going back to Semeling to study, but I don't feel so... She loved me, though not the most but she still loved me. She had been over a hundred years old and she was my last existing great grandparent.Her funeral was different from the usual black and white ones. Since she was over a hundred years old, all have to wear red and all shall not cry. However, before parading, the band played the 'Mother' song and some started crying. I found it hard to hold back my tears also. Then came the parade. I was to drive my car in case my grandfather couldn't walk further and my task was to fetch him as well as my grandmother and grandaunt. Everything came to an end though and after the funeral and cremation, all paraders have to head back to Pulau Tikus for 'cleansing'. After cleansing, we went back home and I travelled back to SP, ready for the next day's class in AIMST.
So passes my great grandmother...
心跳乱了节奏
梦也不自由
爱是个绝对承诺不说
撑到一千年以后
放任无奈淹没尘埃
我在废墟之中守着你走来
我的泪光承载不了
所有一切你(需)要的爱
因为在一千年以后
世界早已没有我
无法深情挽着你的手
浅吻着你额头
别等到一千年以后
所有人都遗忘了我
那时红色黄昏的沙漠
能有谁
解开缠绕千年的寂寞。。。
梦也不自由
爱是个绝对承诺不说
撑到一千年以后
放任无奈淹没尘埃
我在废墟之中守着你走来
我的泪光承载不了
所有一切你(需)要的爱
因为在一千年以后
世界早已没有我
无法深情挽着你的手
浅吻着你额头
别等到一千年以后
所有人都遗忘了我
那时红色黄昏的沙漠
能有谁
解开缠绕千年的寂寞。。。
aiyoh... phai mia bo lang cai...
tsk tsk tsk... after a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnng time without blogging, here I return again... fortunately & unfortunately, many things happened within this month... Long time no talk to Jean already... miss him so much... now he doesn't care about me anymore... sob sob...
Anway, after losing the battle with the Cold-Blooded Animal, I retreated back to Penang. Some people knows my story... others, don't... Well, all was well until my great grandmother (which is my mother's grandmother, or my grandmother's mother, or my great grandmother) fell quite sick of breathlessness and cough. She seemed weaker than before. So, she was admitted into Glenegles Medical Centre. My grandmother, who knew my great grandmother who was sick, travelled out to Penang from Thailand without me knowing it and I was kind of surprised to see her.
My great grandmother was admitted into the hospital on Saturday, 1st of July 2006 and stayed there for about two and a half weeks. In this two weeks, I realised and did a lot of things. Of things I realised really hurt and disappoint me. Someone I have been respecting and adored since I was young did something unacceptable. Of what, I am not permitted to tell. It was quite a tiring, busy and disappointing week. The disappointing news mostly came from the stewpid fellow's family, and I was rejected from ICT from doing Pharmacy there. However, fun was around also. Canoeing... with my friends. Lots of nonsenses all of us did... Then, I went for a hair cut with Zen Chia. Since she was doing rebonding, I got my hair dyed. I wanted it red but Zen Chia opposed... In the end, I asked for the hairstylist's opinion and in the end, I chose red with dark brown. I liked the colour anyway.
Well, towards the end of my great grandmother's stay in the hospital, I helped taking care of her since I do not have anything to do. Then came my uncle Tin Tin from Thailand. They came on Sunday, 9th of July 2006. Then, upon sending them home, my mother suggested that we go to AIMST to ask about the Pharmacy course there. Since I thought I was going to do Pure Chemistry in UTAR, so I was against the idea of going to AIMST. I was reluctant to go because I had in mind that I am not meant to do Pharmacy, and since I missed many episodes of the Hokkien series of Hock Kooi Cai Thi (富贵在天) because of that STEWPID UNCLE, I didn't want to miss this part also.
Well, as usual, I cannot get myself a seat in the Pharmacy programme. I have to undergo the stewpid foundation thingy and qualify for it. After hearing that, I felt that I am doomed. My parents couldn't possibly afford that, and I had prepared to let go of Pharmacy and started builing interest in Pure Chemistry. However, surprisingly, they asked me to decide on it. Now I am in a big dilemma... AGAIN! I hate it... cb! cb! cb! pk! pk! pk! Pharmacy is what I really want to do. Chemistry is my love. Pharmacology is my interest. Medicinal Chemistry is my passion. Pharmacotherapy is my life. However, it would cost me five years to be in SP to become a Pharmacist. I have already wasted three years of my life (2 in form 6, 1 in degree). My close friends are no longer in Penang. Most are in KL... but there is Zen Chia in SP... but she has her own 'family'... P life in KL would be way better compared to SP.
At least if I'm doing Chemistry in UTAR Setapak, then I could visit the CB-Sakai Gang in Cheras, Geok Im in PJ, Jon in Sg Long, and other close ones more frequently. P life would be so much easier and P friends are more there in KL. If I were to go to AIMST, I have a feeling I would be the oldest there. Although there are STPM leavers, there could not possibly be a diploma leaver in the foundation programme. I bet nobody has ever done a degree or got into a degree programme there in the foundation programme also... Stewpid! I'm going to be the old bird there... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After much thought, I decided to continue in the Pharmacy line because it is my dream being a Pharmacist. Though I'll be the old one there... though I'll be far from most of my CB-Sakai Family... though I'll be away from Ms. Saw, Ms. Wong and Dr. Thet... though I'll be barred from P life... But I chose this path... even though I may regret...
Then I had to apply to get into the foundation programme, and I had to go back to KL and settle a few things like PTPTN and withdrawal from UCSI! I drove down. Mana tau... dat stewpid cousin of mine needs help to masuk rumah... My plan was to go down KL to settle things as well as to visit several places as I would not be back that frequent anymore. Eh, STEWPID COUSIN, if you have any bad impression on me also I do not care. You are the worst among your siblings! Anyway, leave her aside. Don't spoil this nice blog. I've got many things to write... Way too many... Cannot waste on her! Had dinner wtih the CB-Sakai people on Friday, then yum cha on Sunday. On Monday, I visited Jon in Sg Long. Talked to him for a while only since he was quite busy. Tuesday, settle the stewpid PTPTN thing... Wednesday went sing K and Pasar Malam... as well as visiting Ms. Wong, Ms. Saw and Dr. Thet... Then Thursday came back to Penang. Sunday went to SP, then Monday went to AIMST...
Haiyoh... phai mia bo lang cai... the hostel... really... lame... orientation was boring... as usaul, first day I'm being quite an antisocial... 希望可以认识到华人... second day also quite antisocial... third day at least got socialise a little bit... fooh! quite far behind everybody else... well... it is not as I expected but it is way worse than I expected. Hostel memang teruk macam beruk... Anyway, first few people I knew there were: Soo Huan, Siew Leng, Ada, Alex, Chee Chung, King Ming, Yann Yuan, Phiaw Chong, Ken, Khim Yik, Say Hong, Ravi, Adam, Chevyn, Dinash, Cal, Wei Ci, Kalai, Anis, siapa lagi ah? ah... tak tau lah...
Sia Chin... Soon Yee... Sing Shia... Sue Zin... Wen Chian... Poh Leen... Jen Ni... Ah San... Wei Fuen... Kan Mi... Kheng Kheng (Michelle)... Nee Nee (Sok Nee)... TeoChew nang buey hiao tna TeoChew ue (Pei Wee)... Nong kia (Selyn)... Wei Nei... Mei Mei... Kit Kit/Kitty (Mun Kit)... Kuan Poh... Seng Chew... Hui Zhong... Hwee Feng... Thomas... Chun Wei... Yong Wei... Jivan... Jason... Chyi Ing... Joycee... Irwinder... Loges... Melissa... Suk Yen... Kien Ching... Kee Shiuen... Joyce... Wai Yee... Li Ying... Min Min... Kristine... Belinda... Christina... Jin Ling... Mahmood... Ezra... Min Han... Yew Kheng... Teng Fung... Vivian... San San...see you all practising as Pharmacists in the future... and not forgetting Kelvin, Leena and Crystal... also Audrey... Janaki... Siow Yen... Allen... great to know you guys... Ms. Wong, Ms. Saw and Dr. Ther... see you all soon... muakzzzzzzz....Pening!~ Pening!~ Woo~
Saturday 17th June 2006. It has been 24 hours since I last heard Jean's voice. Hope he is not angry and is having a great time with his friend... hehe... Yesterday, I visited the doctor in Lam Wah Ee hospital. Stupid doctor, ask him to give me Amoxicillin he doesn't want! Give me a more expensive one! Haih... When I paid and collected the medication, my mother scolded me again. She said the medications were available at home and I should have only requested for the antibiotic Erythromycin. Come on la! First, hey! I am sick ok? Don't simply scold scold scold! Second, I didn't know that those medications are available at home! I just came back from KL for a month only! Third, you scolded me once when I told the doctor that we have this and that at home! NOW WTF?!!! PENING!!!
At night, couldn't sleep... Online until 1 a.m. then went to sleep. 4 a.m., woke up to take medication. I felt nauseated and I vomited not only once, but twice! The other time was at around 5:30 a.m.. I suddenly felt hungry, so I cooked instant noodles and ate at 6 a.m.... what a breakfast. Then I took another can of 100plus. Then after that, I went back to my room to read a novel. Suddenly my mother came in asking me how I felt and I told her I'm fine. She asked me whether I need someone to accompany or not, I told her no need. I have been alone all the times and even when I am sick in KL, I was alone, always. Then I slept. The phone rang at 10 a.m. and I would have ignored it but I was afraid it might be from my mother. If I did not pick up the call, not only she would be angry but worried, so I exerted myself to pick up the call... and it was really from her... 謝天謝地。。。 But... I couldn't sleep anymore and my head is like spinning round and round... just like a drunken crane... aiyoh! PENING!!!
Sometimes, I wonder why I always choose the harder way of life when life could be simple. When I looked back, I realised, there were many simpler paths I could have taken but I chose tougher ones... I felt so stupid. I could have done London Modular A-Levels but I went to Form 6. I got an offer in UMS for Industrial Chemistry but I chose to remain studying Pharmacy. Of all courses, I chose to do Pharmacy (with my CGPA like this, how dare I!). I chose Pharmacy over Medicine - stupid! Of all sciences, my favourite is Chemistry - stupid! So difficult still I can love the subject so much!!! Learning music... why did I choose the Violin... the second hardest instrument to learn... why I love the Violin so much? aiyoh... so lame... Not regrets, but felt a bit stupid.... arghhh! PENING!
ah! PENING PENING PENING PENING!!!!!!!!!
At night, couldn't sleep... Online until 1 a.m. then went to sleep. 4 a.m., woke up to take medication. I felt nauseated and I vomited not only once, but twice! The other time was at around 5:30 a.m.. I suddenly felt hungry, so I cooked instant noodles and ate at 6 a.m.... what a breakfast. Then I took another can of 100plus. Then after that, I went back to my room to read a novel. Suddenly my mother came in asking me how I felt and I told her I'm fine. She asked me whether I need someone to accompany or not, I told her no need. I have been alone all the times and even when I am sick in KL, I was alone, always. Then I slept. The phone rang at 10 a.m. and I would have ignored it but I was afraid it might be from my mother. If I did not pick up the call, not only she would be angry but worried, so I exerted myself to pick up the call... and it was really from her... 謝天謝地。。。 But... I couldn't sleep anymore and my head is like spinning round and round... just like a drunken crane... aiyoh! PENING!!!
Sometimes, I wonder why I always choose the harder way of life when life could be simple. When I looked back, I realised, there were many simpler paths I could have taken but I chose tougher ones... I felt so stupid. I could have done London Modular A-Levels but I went to Form 6. I got an offer in UMS for Industrial Chemistry but I chose to remain studying Pharmacy. Of all courses, I chose to do Pharmacy (with my CGPA like this, how dare I!). I chose Pharmacy over Medicine - stupid! Of all sciences, my favourite is Chemistry - stupid! So difficult still I can love the subject so much!!! Learning music... why did I choose the Violin... the second hardest instrument to learn... why I love the Violin so much? aiyoh... so lame... Not regrets, but felt a bit stupid.... arghhh! PENING!
ah! PENING PENING PENING PENING!!!!!!!!!
Down...
I can't believe it, tell me I'm dreaming that we are still we.
It was amazing, said you were lucky that you found me.
It was a rainy day that we met, you didn't have a place to go.
As we just met so lets go slow but no, you just told me to keep you from the cold.
Sorry I can't take it, why did you fake it, why did we kiss?...
Thursday, 15th June 2005. Today was Zen Chia's birthday and she treated us at Bayu Seaview, just next to Naza hotel. Ai Ling and Jo-Dee planned to buy her a present before going there and we went to Gurney Plaza to hunt for a present for Zen. I was sick today when I woke up from my sleep, so I could not stand the air-condition in Gurney Plaza. So after getting Zen one present, while Dee and Ai Ling went for another, I went to McDonalds to have something since I was hungry also. Then I strolled along Gurney Place. At least the temperature there comforts me. However, it was boring, so I finally ended up in MPH. I took two books with me - Pharmacotherapy Casebook and Biopharmaceutics & Pharmacokinetics, to the MPH Readers' Circle. Suddenly, the White Lady Sue Zin SMSed me asking me what is malignant hyperthermia. So, I went to look for a Medical Dictionary. I thought there was nobody there but as I approached, I saw a tall, handsome young man in black. So I could not actually SMS Sue Zin there but on my way back to the Readers' Circle, Dee and Ling called out my name and I just SMSed Sue Zin there ignoring everyone around.
We left for Bayu at 6:00 p.m. and we arrived there the earliest - at 6:16 p.m.. I called Zen but she said she had to fetch Stephenie and Wendy and she asked me to entertain everyone that came earlier than she did. Erm... actually, everyone came before she did save Chee Howe. Dee, Ai Ling and I were the earliest followed by Amah (Ching Mei), Chun Hoong, Jonathan, and Chen Seng. Jason and Janice reached before Ewe Yang, Pei Ling and Boon Peng followed by Guat Kheng and her sister, Guat Ching then Chin Chin the 'Singapore Girl', then Stella, her sister, Evan and Leroy. Finally, after more than an hour shceduled to begin, the birthday girl, Zen, arrived with Stephenie and Wendy. Zen wore a black top and light yellow-orche skirt. Glamourous she looked and if you were there, you should see how she walked. She had a new ear-rings on as well.
When the dinner kicked off, I felt as if I wanted to faint because I was really not feeling well. My whole body felt extra sensitive to the air and surroundings. I just sat beside Dee and Boon Peng. I did not really eat and I just drank. Apparently, I thought of leaving earlier and rest at home but it was Zen's 21st birthday, Zen's! Then it would be better to leave after she blew her birthday cake candles. Zen, well, we were enemies when we first met in Form 1. Then we peaced and became basic normal friends in Form 4. In Form 6, we got to know each other better. Then, after Form 6, she became one of my top circle of friends. I am so thankful to God that He sent her to me, and I am also thankful to her that I could actually say anything stupid with herand share all sorts of things, even P stuff. Thank you Zen for accepting me for who I am.
I thought I could have a phone conversation with Jean before Jean's friend from KL goes to his place to overnight for two nights which means, Jean wouldn't have time to chat with me then. I thought of calling Jean but I was afraid that Jean would ask me to hang up the phone because it is quite expensive. So I just SMSed Jean saying that I would not be home that early and asked Jean to sleep first. Jean suddenly SMSed me asking me, 'you're not online?' I replied that I'm still in CSC. Well, there were basically four groups of people there: the Hamid Khan people: Ai Ling, Jo-Dee, Guat Kheng and Guat Ching and Boon Peng joined this group. PFS 6AD: Chun Hoong, Chen Seng, Jonathan, Jason, Janice. PFS 6AD+6AC: Evan, Leroy, Stella, Amah, Steph, Wendy, Chin Chin, Chee Howe. Another is the couple Ewe Yang and Pei Ling. What a noisy night it was and the photo session was kind of a havoc.
Chee Howe brought alcohol there and many drank it. Ewe Yang saw me being quite 'steam' so he asked me whether I drank or not and I told him no. He said I look drunk and I told him I was not feeling well. When it comes to my turn to take photo with Zen, my phone rang - "sarang hae-yo... means I love you... 代表著我... 離不開你...". It was from Jean! I thought: OMG... I received Jean's call and I asked Zen to wait for a while. I thought she would be angry but her physical face appearance was cool, so it was fine to speak to Jean as I will not be able to receive Jean's call for some time later. After the photo session, we asked Zen to bring out her cake and blow the candles. Then, shortly after that, we left home. I sent Dee, Ai Ling, Steph and Wendy home and finally I reached home. I felt light. I ascended the flight of stairs to my room and felt as if i'm floating. I bathed because my hair was applied with wax and I could not possibly sleep with the wax on. After bathing, I left the bathroom and I shivered like hell. Ascending the flight of stairs this time is not of lightness but of heaviness. I shivered the whole way through to my room. Though the shiver wasn't as bad as the ones I had before but it might have shown scale three on the Ritcher Scale.
Friday 16th June 2006. I took 1g of paracetamol and one difflam lozenge at 12 a.m. and went straight away to bed. Here, I felt much better than when I was in KL. When I was sick in KL, I couldn't sleep well. My skin was totally sensitive to touch and I was shivering. I hope there was someone next to me so that the body heat would keep me warm. I set an alarm to wake me up to take the next dose at 6 a.m.. I woke up but couldn't continue to sleep so I SMSed Jean greeting good morning as I know Jean would be up by then. Jean thought I wanted Jean to call me. So Jean called. I had not the mood to speak as my throat was hurting and I had to exert quite a bit to make my voice audible so we hung up the phone. Hope Jean is not angry...
And I'm just Down...
You've left me with a note without a sound...
I've figured I must stop being such a child...
You'll never know how much I've been around...
How my heart just frowns if you're Down...
I'll be your teddy bear I'll be your cloud...
I'll take you round and round...
And if you don't mind I could be your standing ground...
Even if that means I drown...
And baby that would be my one last vow...
熟能生巧
吹 風 就 感 冒， 淋 雨 就 發 燒， 有 礙 就 好。。。
Sunday, 11th June 2006... what a lame day... the night before, I chatted with a guy called Jin... woo... and my favourite X-Man is Jean Grey... had a great talk with him for more than 3 hours over the phone... Then, the next morning, I was awakened by my mother who suddenly came into my room to get something... aiyoh... why can't she just leave me alone? I mean... aiyah... refer to my previous blog... "Troubled Heart"...
Our plan was to visit my grand aunt (korr poh) in Butterworth... but... she could not find her angpow... so she instructed me to go later. My mother is like that: people must wait for her, but she cannot and must not wait for other people... I do not like this. She scolded me because I bought a RM4.60 1-litre orange juice the night before from 7 eleven. She did not even listen to my explaination and just kept on scolding. She is like this, everytime there is a thing to quarrel about, I always get scolded. There will not be a chance for me to explain a thing and she will keep on scolding to SATISFY HER ANGER! Even if i get the chance to explain, my reasons were treated as excuses and my excuses are not reasonable. She is never wrong, I am always wrong. Even if she does not understand one's situation, she acts like she does and she will reward me with a scolding.
Does she know how to teach a child? Does she understand me? When I was young, I was scared of her scoldings and hittings... but as I grew bigger, I get fed-up, used to it, and I began to hate it... Refering to the previous blog "Troubled Heart", I have lost all sense of love. My heart will not and never open to anyone else, not even my parents... Since the day She left, I felt I am left all alone. Although physically parents are around, mentally and spiritually, I do not feel so. They love me a lot, but what keeps me going on enduring with them is Respect... Slowly, as time goes by, I began to stop asking things from them, little by little. Many readers may think my problem is Communication, but no, you all do not and will never understand. I have had enough quarrels with them. Each time I bring out something, if they find it faulty, one thing only will be the response - SCOLD! WHEN WILL THIS EVER END??? I believe it will end... but will it end good? I don't think so.
Nowadays, they (especially my mother) keep asking me, why I treat them like stranger, must keep everything from them? I feel like answering them I do not feel they are like my family... Because, they keep scolding... I used to fear it... but I hate it now... My heart has a storm that will never quell. I do not feel comfortable when I think of them. When I am distant away from them, I feel better. I don't know, my heart is really closed to them. I do not think anything can open my heart anymore. I cannot think of one anymore. After scolding me, she compared me with the character (Tom) in I Not Stupid Too, saying that I am exactly like him, spoilt, stubborn, bad, and naughty... I was like: "Oh, ENOUGH!"
I could not take that anymore, so as she was ironing, I told her I wanted to go Air Itam. She asked me the reason I go there. I was about to answer her that I wanted to do something, but in the end, I said I wanted to visit someone. She asked me who, I just answered, someone la... I drove there, going up the hill towards Air Itam dam, passing by Kek Lok Si... I was on my way to visit Her... She lives in one of the building on the hillside. It was a long time since I last visited Her. I should have visited Her more often because She is the one I have in my heart. The one and only. None can surpass Her in my heart. My love is all for Her.
Ascending the hill, I realised something - I forgot to get something commonly for Her. Last time, when I visited Her, I would get flowers for Her. Sometimes when my father goes up with me there, he would bring oranges and apples for Her. My mother seems to hate Her a lot. I don't care whether my mother likes Her or hates Her, nothing can change my heart. She is the only one I love. NO OTHER! or at least She is second to none in my heart. Readers, you may think I am not being reasonable and you may think it is not right for me to feel this way, but, tell me, how would you feel if you're me? I am not one that loves someone because he/she gives me what I ask for. I am not one that treats someone nice because he/she does so to me. I am not one that likes someone because I can get benefits from him/her.
When I reached the building, I silented my phone and greeted those who lived there along with Her. When I saw Her, my heart was glad. Suddenly, I felt like my worries were gone. A smile was on my face though embaressment engulfed me as I did not bring anything for Her this time. She did not give any response other than a smile, which She always had done. She did not change at all since the last time I saw Her. She was exactly the same. She could not age. She was beautiful as before. She had Her white spectacles with her. I spoke to Her, asking Her how She was now, and telling Her how my life had been. However, I suddenly felt sad. I knelt. In front of Her. She continued to smile. I knelt down before Her, and tears started to flow - began to cry. I told Her everything. All I've gone through, studies, life, romance, parents, friends, etc. I told Her my feelings. I told Her what happened on that morning. I cried. I could not hold back my tears. She smiled.
I stopped crying and looked up at Her. She still smiled, beautiful, and sweet as ever and always... And I realised, She left, ten years ago. Ten years ago, when I was still in standard 4, She left. Why? Why did You leave me in this world? Why did You not take me along with You? I am alone in this world, with nobody I can turn to as comfortable as You. She was Mdm. Koay Siew Hoon, my Nanny since I was born. I called Her 'Mommy' and I loved Her as one. Readers, you may call me a traitor to my mother, what ever, I don't care! This is how I feel! Nothing can change it! Kill me if you want! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!
Any problems, I can go to Her and I do not have to feel bad about telling Her anything even though I had to tell Her about the P thing. She brought me up (yes, even though with my parents' money), She was the one that brought me up, with love and care and something none could ever have - understanding. I grew up with Her, with Her understanding. She taught me many things in life and about life with understanding. I do not wish to compare the way my parents brought me up, otherwise you readers would say that I am biased! She had cancer, fought, and lost.
Seeing Her white spectacles brought old memories, of sweet and bitter back to my mind. Tears began flowing in bulk this time and I cried out. I cried for Her. I wanted to be with Her. Many times I had asked Her to come to my dreams to meet me, but none ever happened. Does She not love me anymore? I don't care! I love Her! I wished she was still around, to guide me in my life. However, She had left. I am left in this life alone, lost without Her. Mommy!!!
After an hour there, I headed home, if not, my mother would scold me again, unleashing her anger at the same time. We had lunch at her colleague's wedding. Then left for Butterworth. Long time I had never seen my grand aunt. She became thinner, and notably weaker as she aged. We chatted about 2 hours there and my mother's cousin came to visit also. Seeing that cousin of my mother with her husband would have brought the rage of fire to my heart because they cheated my grandfather's money! However, that day, I had not the mood to do such things.
I drove home with my mother beside. As usual, she does not understand the condition of me driving and what is in my mind and she started scolding about how I drove and insisting that I drive HER way! I did not want to comment much as commenting would only make matters worse. She brought up the tale of I Not Stupid Too again and started nagging about teenagers today! Oh God... At night, I left for McDonalds Greenlane as Jin wanted to meet up. Well we had a great time there and he wasn't really a bad person. Or at least not as bad as I thought.
There is nothing for me here... Only Death...
世界上，什么都沒有了，Mommy, 配藥，愛情，朋友，什么都沒有了。。。 有些東西，誰也沒有辦法。。。
Troubled Heart...
sometimes... I wish that I would have another sibling! At least I would have someone of the same 'wave length' to talk to! To share my thoughts and feelings with... My mother is a very strict mother and my father is quite conservative... If I were to stray out of the line they set for me, they, particularly my mother, would teach me, but she would use her sinister anger which is very 'menggerunkan' to teach me. I can tell you, since I was young, I hated Sundays because she would be at home. When I was young, her presence would make me fear... I do not know why, but there would be great fear...
As I grew up, I am beginning to dislike the way she handle me and I hate lectures! She claimed that I am not afraid of her scoldings, so I suppose I am not afraid, but I dislike. I am really fed-up with all the scoldings and grumpy faces she and my father would give and show when I do something wrong... I just... don't like it... I know they love me a lot and I should not have such impressions towards them but I cannot help it. Each time I try to understand that I am wrong and I should accept whatever they say, I cannot do so... I feel very very very uncomfortable... and I feel rebellious...
This secret I will share with you... When I was a baby, I was taken care by a nanny in Air Itam called Mdm. Koay Siew Hoon... She is one I really love... I do not know why, but is this because she took care of me since I was young? Is it because I grew up with her? I felt more attached to her than anyone else... Even though I know my parents love me more than anyone else, I still feel that my nanny's love is greater and I love her greater than my parents... I am not a fillial son then... I have failed to be one... Then... one fateful day, when I was still in Primary School, she passed away because of cancer... That time, I felt like I have lost someone very close to me... Since then, I felt like I am on my own... even though my parents are still around... I felt lonely... And since I do not have siblings, I have no one else to turn to as that time, I was not socialable as my parents did not encourage me to socialise as they were afraid that I would become a bad kid... even I was not close to my cousins at that time...
So, since then, I rarely go to my parents if I have any problems, because, mostly, problems arise because I must have done something wrong. If they find out what I did wrong, there goes the volcano and earthquake... I would nearly say that I NEVER went to my parents for counsel... I found my own solutions of solving things until I grew older, when things get complicated, and when I am more socialable, I seek advice from school teachers and friends... I NEVER go to my parents... they would not be at the top of my list... If I had at least a sibling, I could have told him/her properly and share my thoughts (although I may have conflicts with him/her but at least someone of the same wave-length is with me)... And, another thing, if I have a sibling, at least I do not feel as pressuring as I am now because all hopes of my parents lie on me alone... If I had a sibling, I could have discussed many things with him/her regarding many things from parents to studies to life...
I can tell you that I really feel very relieved when my parents are not around... I can be my ownself if they are not around... I do not need to put on a mask... I do not need to argue with them... But they are my parents... and they love me a lot... more than many... But I'm afraid, I failed to show my appreciation and love to them... and I never will succeed...
My dreams of late were strange... What I dared say was I dreamnt of a young man, in his early twenties... he was shouting out loud... the waves would have made every single object give way to them unless it was a wall... even if it was a wall, a shock and a tremor will happen and the wall would be shaken... he was in a pool and there were water rings surrounding him as he shouted... His shout was just a plain shout... but a long lasting one... Suddenly, I had telepathy... and I read his thoughts... what I got was 'Pharmacy! Pharmacy! Pharmacy!'... What the dream meant, I could not interpret... even if I could, I dared not interpret...
I am quite sick of this dual personality of mine since I was young... since I was very young... I fought with defiance when I was younger... but I came to acceptance later... STR & PLU are the main ones... I cannot possibly reveal two together... I have revealed my dual personality to quite some people... but not all...
Journey Back Up North...
With the loss of my battle with the Cold-Blooded Animal (Dr. Yeong), I had a plan in my mind: to take up Pure Chemistry in UTAR... however, the May intake was over and I had to wait until January next year and also, I came across ICT offering USM Pharmacy in Penang. So, I decided to go back home to Penang together with my cousin, Emily. Her boyfriend, Foo, drove his uncle's car back to Penang and I followed them. We set out at 8:30 p.m. and got stuck in the jam for 1 hour, reaching Sungai Buloh Hanging Restaurant at 9:30 p.m., had dinner, and set out for Penang at 10:00 p.m. At 12 something p.m., we reached Ipoh toll, and I SMSed the White Lady (Sue Zin) that I just passed her Kingdom. She replied that she was chatting happily with my 'wife'...
Finally reached home at 2:00 a.m.. This is one of the times that I fear home terribly. However, I felt relieved that my parents were already asleep. I sneaked into my room, bathed, and slept like a log. The next day, I went to Balik Pulau to find the ICT campus. It was a merry-go-round trip as the campus was in Sungai Rusa. It sounded familiar but I could not really remember where it was. So I went far and wide searching for the campus with my cousin, the Professor (Robert, Liang Wern). Finally, after turning here and there, we found it. However, it was closed, and the guard asked me to return on Monday. When I returned home that afternoon, my father was already at home. I got out of the car and he looked cool. So I spoke to him and nothing happened. My mother was also at home, she was behind, doing the dishes. I was afraid she would give me a lecture but in the end, everything turned out well.
In the evening, we had to get ready for my cousin's, Wei Leong's, wedding dinner at Paradise Beach Resort. At first, my heart was calm. However, when I reached the place, I saw Wei Leong and his wife, Shi Shi. Then there was Gwendelyn and her Singaporean boyfriend, Vincent, standing at the entrance also. Gwendelyn was busy introducing people to Vincent. Upon entering the ballroom, we were directed to our seats. Next to our table, my third aunt, Aunt Bee Choo was there with my granduncle, Uncle Tai Hai. I told her straight away about my story about me being terminated from the Pharmacy programme and she took it quite cool. She asked me also what my plan was, as usual, and I would continue explaining everything from the beginning again.
One by one, all family members from my father’s side arrived. Aunt Sharon came and was quite impressed with my new look as she preferred it to my previous. She told my mother that I’ve grown up and become more… erm… no need to say laa… hehe… Two people I feared most finally came: Uncle John (Kok Chuan) who stays in Sri Petaling, and Uncle Peng, my fourth aunt Bee Li’s husband, who is a pharmacist. They would ask me many things and I did not plan to let them know yet as I had not planned on how to tell them yet, so I kept quiet. Since Uncle Peng sat beside me, I couldn’t really eat. So I left the ballroom and went outside. There, I SMSed my friends and the CB Gang telling them how miserable I felt and how much I missed them. However, I sent to a wrong recipent. I was to send to Yen Shan (Ah San) and I sent to my cousin, Chu Chai (Ah Boy). So in the midst of my SMS conversation with Ah San, suddenly Chu Chai emerged with his girlfriend, Sylvene.
They talked to me a while regarding my feelings and problems. Suddenly Uncle John and my mother appeared and we stopped our conversation. Uncle John spoke to Chu Chai about some computer stuff while my mother asked me to go see Mr. Mak’s daughter who is studying Pharmacy in UCSI also (3rd year USM). I was reluctant to meet his daughter but he pulled me until I slid from my ground. Sylvene was surprised to see that also. After talking to his daughter, I went back to Sylvene and Chu Chai and continued talking. Then came Emily and after talking for a while, all of us went in to the ballroom. As I still felt awkward, I quickly left the ballroom again. This time, my same aged cousin, James (Jian Huat) came to me and we talked briefly of our lives so far shortly before Gwendelyn came and gave me a good counsel.
Finally, the wedding was over. How glad I was to learn that and when I reached home, I felt relaxed, but not totally happy… I miss my friends… I felt myself being useless… I felt failure overwhelming me… Wei Leong’s wedding day was the following day and all my family attended, except me… It was too hard for me to attend…
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